Cod Almighty | Postbag
The one with the pots and kettles
23 September 2003
In this week's Postbag: Diary gets tough; deconstructing Rowson; GET behind the team; ink on skin not weak Russian porn; Mrs Diary puts her dukes up; the Rowson Solidarity Society aka GTFC; "Very good," said Dougal; a game of one half; give me pies; chimp chump; a nice person writes; just look at the lack of punctuation; Swindon surprise; and more on the match that shall not be mentioned
Oi, Quiz
FAO: The Quiz
Did you call my lass a pint? If so, then I am afraid I may be forced in turn to deem your pint a poof.
from The Diary
The days
The days when the Telegraph, and especially the Sports Telegraph were essential are long gone, as PT rightly points out in his ace article. The GT as he says is owned by the Daily Mail - and all of their local papers have the same attitude to 'news'. It's the same here in Nottingham, where the Evening Post (also owned by the Mail) fills its front and back pages with the sort of nonsense usually reserved for the News of the World. Rowson may well have a career as tea boy in the Sun's editorial office before him - until then someone at the Telegraph should take responsibility, stop defending him and expose him for the idiot he almost certainly is. What sort of Town fan puts his job before his love for the club on a daily basis?
from Sam Metcalf
Full marks
Full marks to the Telegraph for producing the Matchday magazine. Despite its faults it is not a bad effort. This supplement doesn't make up for the lacking coverage during the week though.
I live in Halifax and have daily access to the Yorkshire Evening Post and the Telegraph And Argus. The coverage of Bradford City in both of these papers makes the Telegraph's coverage of Town look incredibly weak. I am sure if asked the Telegraph will argue they are a small newspaper and cover a small club, while the T&A is a city newspaper covering a bigger club. I remember Bradford being a 'small club' when I first moved here in the late 1980's. The local papers have always covered their local team with more column inches and more expertise than my hometown counterpart, not afraid to seek the help of fanzines and other people to add to their coverage.
And this is in a city where a football club on its knees competes with one of the biggest rugby league clubs in the world. Makes you think.
from Mike Hargreaves
Tats
In reply to ABuick's question regarding cool Mariners tattoos: no, I've never seen any good ones. Most tend to be those greeny-black ones that look like they've been done at home with Quink and a blunt badge pin, and the designs uninspiring. "Up the Mariners" is probably as desirable as a "I luv Mum" tattoo, or "love" and "hate" across the knuckles. I think there's room for cool ones though - a simple three red fish (at the risk of being taken for three Christians), perhaps, or some abstract cross-section of the club badge as a design. Steer clear of players' names, though - they're bound to leave as soon as the ink's dry.
from Miles
Outraged
I was outraged to see my name mentioned alongside the likes of Jordan in Mr Wilson's quiz. Pretty I may be, but tart I am not.
Mr Wilson should bear in mind who he is addressing - Mr Diary has already been fully reprimanded for his unnecessary chortling at said comments and a few tarts (of the baking kind) have already been thrust in his general direction. He is not chortling now.
Be warned Mr Wilson, my legal advisers have been consulted.
from Mrs Diary
Solid
You've all missed the reason why Town capitulated on Friday night - solidarity with the boy Rowson. After all, having read the Grimsby Evening Telegraph recently, he is the reason why Town are where they are now.
from Dave Henzell
Letters Ed responds: Not forgetting world peace, Dave. The GET are responsible for that too. Bless 'em.
Link
I caught a link to your site from My Only Swindon. Living in Doncaster I never get to many Swindon home games so rely on the away games here "up north". Last night was my first game this season. My mates back near the magic roundabout were telling me that your preview seemed a little "over the top" but having seen the game last night I see that in the context of the game it was a good write up of my Town. I don't want to rub it in but Swindon were the better team last night, but then Swindon seem to be the better team away rather than at home this season. Without wanting to sound condescending I hope your boys win on Saturday and start to challenge, with our good selves of course. On paper you seem to have a good squad. I think you were playing the wrong team on the back of your last match (darest I mention it).
Good luck for the rest of the season. I might make the journey down to the County Ground for the return game.
from Ade Evans
Doesn't bode
I'm worried. We can't hold on to a lead. It doesn't bode well.
In an effort to arbitrarily prove my point I looked at how many points we would have if matches were only 45 minutes long. The answer is 14. Instead of the 8 we currently have. We'd still be in the League Cup too.
But matches aren't 45 minutes long, sadly. So the Mariners need to learn how to hold on to a lead. Are you listening, Mr Groves?
from Bob Santich
Free stuff
I was going to send you some free stuff following your appeal last week, but I don't have an address for you.
from Paul Ukka
Letters Ed responds: But Paul, you can simply look here for our address...
Client
My client has instructed me to pen a reply to Mr Simon Peach's note from last week's postbag. In his letter, Mr Peach advised Mr Chimp to "stay away from Hartlepool tonight". Clearly a link to Hartlepool's infamous war-time monkey executions was implied. Mr Peach, you shall be hearing from my client's solicitors. Death threats are not something my client tolerates kindly.
My client also wishes to make it clear that his uncle was not German and was most definitely not a spy.
from Agent to Mr Coco T Chimp
Laughing
Excellent work chaps. You have me laughing every day. Keep it up. How long before the Electronic Fishcake starts having a weekly letters page, cartoons, top trumps, a daily diary, and decides to have a balanced perspective on matters?
from Ian Thomas
Spellinks
Mark Stilton wrote the diary on 19th September and in true FHM style I would like to point out his obvious mistake:-
He wrote: You'll find no such meretricious proprieties in my diarys.
Isn't diary plural spelt 'diaries' (or diary plural for which ever smart arse says it first)??? If I'm right and this was FHM then I'd win a prize! Hint hint!!
Oh and UTM before i forget
from Mat Winn
Letters Ed responds: Yes, yes, yes. I was in a rush and didn't have time to edit it properly. But in true pots and kettles fashion, I've decided to leave your letter unedited. Three question marks at the end of a sentence - I don't think so, do you?
Gosh
Gosh - I'm a Swindon supporter in London and I've just read your preview of Swindon before the game last week.
Are you sure you're not a Swindon suppporter? I don't think I've read a more analytical, spot-on assessment of another team. My hat off to you. How do you know so much? If anything, you were too complimentary about some of our players, but fans have to see their own team week in, week out, and we see all the warts and horror shows.
Good effort mate. I might even bookmark your page. And good luck to you. I've always had a slight soft spot for Grimsby after the brilliant inflatable cod turnout at Wimbledon in the FA Cup many years ago.
from Paul Donkersley
Letters Ed responds: Cheers Paul. I know Si puts a lot of work in to researching his previews. As for the inflatable cod - I'd like to point out that it was actually a rainbow trout masquerading as a haddock.
Reading
Reading Swin's account of how he found out about Town's, erm, well you know, Town's sort of, 'thing' at Hartlepool, reminded me of how I found out about it. I had a good mate over from Ecuador that Friday, and as it was the first time we'd seen each other in about ten years, we got talking & drinking into late in the night, and I totally forgot that we were playing on the Friday night. So, come Saturday morning when I turned on Sky and saw 'Hartlepool 8-1 Grimsby' zipping past on the info bar, I thought "eh up, they're good odds on a Town win, might have a fiver on that".
It lasted for about 3 seconds. Then I realised.
Now, I was admittedly a bit hung over, but the wake up call was very nasty. Maybe it will become one of those defining moments for people, such as "where were you when you found out Kennedy was assassinated/Lady Di had been killed", or various other tragedies of our time.
Or maybe not.
from Stu Morton
A nice heaving postbag. Fantastic. Just use the feedback page if you want to send us a letter. Go on.