Cod Almighty | Diary
I’m gonna leave old Durham Town
3 June 2020
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
Move along now, there's nothing to see here; there's bread and circuses further along the road. Let's update that to the 21st Coronacentury version: there's drive-in KFCs and wall-to-wall 'premiership' fishtank football with optional crowd muzak on your phone. Don't look up, don't look now, and don't give up: you still have us.
Now the curtain has been pulled back, we'll just have to console ourselves with the truism that it's always amusing to find out how stupid clever people are.
Oh that's so last week. Where are we now?
For your ever Deviant Diary it's a legal matter baby. Big Phil Day (content unprovider) is causing headaches up here in Cod Almighty Ivory Towers. Fentycon was the gift that kept on giving for your daily diarists, but under the newly sensible regime of the small-town pet shop boy there's just a steady stream of coherent non-stupidity. I suppose that makes P Diddy just clever enough to keep the customers satisfied, unless there is something behind his net curtains we don't know about. He can't be a perfect Day, can he?
Won't anyone think of the children of the online fanzine revolution? We'll have to think of things to write about now, do some research, break sensational stories and not just riff on the risible ropey tosh of our local fridge magnet and toytown Trump.
Oh well, let's drink sangria in People's Park and see what happens when it gets dark.
As our diarists have waffled on about this'n'that during the unpleasantness, here's a summary of what you may have missed in the last seven English days.
Town:
- won't be selling season tickets and won't sign anyone until they know when the season starts and when they can let fans in
- are asking all remaining employees to take a pay cut until they actually get some cash in
- are leading backers of a call for government support for grassroots football, including independent board members from fan representative bodies.
Fans on the board? Been there, done that, ended in tears before bedtime.
There you are, most public service announcement obligations met in three easy bullet points.
And elsewhere in the wacky world of woeful football, aka Division Four, the plague doctors at the Football League have noticed the DNR note at the foot of Macclesfield's bed, so have moved the empty oxygen tank on to Stevenage, just as the undertakers entered the building.
Ah yes, slimy, tiny Stevenage - loathed by many, loved by very few – and in a bound they were free! You can tell they will "survive" as the vulture capitalists have circled above their rotting carcass, with self-styled management consultant Robin Michael Lawrence sniffing out another opportunity to extract value. Lennie always did follow the money: he's the Hoffmeister Bear of the lower leagues.
Who knows what tomorrow brings? Stay tuned to see if the bottom has finally fallen out of the Thursday barrel or whether our resident cuckoo diarist will re-appear from behind the curtain. Somewhere over the rainbow he's truly gone fishing for alternative stories with alternative facts. Does he watch alternative tv too? Just one question – no, not how high are the clouds - how much longer will people wear iPhone armbands and dye their hair?
Is that it? It surely is. Like the Italians in 1966 you can now go home, to your tomatoes.