Cod Almighty | Postbag
The one with the Law unto itself
16 March 2004
Good afternoon and welcome to the 12First weekly letters page. Probably. Well, it's supposed to be weekly, but...well, but nothing really. Enjoy.Email postbag@codalmighty.com with your rants, raves, ripostes, runes and rituals and we'll print them all. Maybe.
Early bird catches the early bus
I spotted Chris Nicholl in the Upper Barretts/Findus/Stones/John Smiths looking very smart - not your normal fan's winter warmers. He left 10 minutes early. To avoid the traffic or meet directors?
from Phil Shorter
Letters Ed responds: I reckon I'm gonna put my money on the traffic avoidance option, Phil
Name that tune
The question your Letters Ed poses in the current postbag demands further enquiry and an immediate answer: what is that tune the lads run out to at Blundell Park?
I am sure now I, a member of the Blundell Park faithful and one of your besotted readers, has asked this question you will, as always, satisfy my curiosity.
Yours (moist) in anticipation
from Donna Brown
Letters Ed responds: Crikey. Well, I, er, um, asked the question sort of hoping someone else would give me the answer. Anyone...?
Lazy journalism: no. 6,782
Did anyone read FourFourTwo the other month where they interviewed Michael something or other, sorry, i've forgotten his name. Used to play for Grimsby?
Anyway, I think the picture they showed was Anwar Sadat (it looked more like Anwar Sadat than him anyway - if memory serves it might have been Stuart Campbell). Surely it's not that hard a job? Take away their expense accounts I say, so they do more than just get pissed up only to give their secretaries a dictaphone tape with a recording on it to type up.
from Paul Wright
Ringtone deaf
Re: Ringtones. What about PJ and Duncan's 'Let's get ready to rumble'. I do miss the build-up toons we used to have at BP. Oh well, just a thought.
from Rachael Pullen
Cutting Cymraeg comment
Wrap up warm when you come to the north Wales Riviera and could you please have the three points ready for collection on your departure. Thanks for your co-operation. Plenty of pubs, chippies etc. How come you haven't got a message board?
from ONTTSS (Nicky Law, eh? Do the board not realise the problems they've brought upon the club with this appointment? Everyone knows it's bad for Grimsby Town to have a manager with a surname beginning with L. Look at the illustrious group he'll be joining - Lyons, Laws, Lawrence... Law.
The portents are not good.
from Andy Holt
Law, huh, good God y'all, what is he good for?
So is it true that the Mariners are getting their very own advert: Brian Laws, broken jaws, Tony Daws, Nicky Daws, Nicky Law, off-side law, route one, big boot, big lump, Tony Crane, red card mmmmmmm you would.
Does this also include a new sponsorship deal with Burtons or do you think they'll wait till Burton Albion play us in the league?
from Disappointed Dave
Librarians of the world, unite and take over
To whom it may concern. I have been asked to communicate regarding the scandalous perpetuating of stereotypes in the last column by Mystic Mick. We at the Union of Welsh Grimsby Town-supporting Librarians (Marxist-Leninist) take a stern view at the portrayal of librarians as elderly, cardigan wearing spinsters whose sole activities are to stamp books and say "Hush". We demand an immediate apology, and retraction, or else we will be forced to contemplate militant action such as the shelving of books on astrology next to fierce dogs, or amongst biographies of Bobby Cumming and Sean Cunnington.
Be warned,
from Pat Bell
Letters Ed responds: Mick writes: I'm sorry to hear that my column has given you cause for dissatisfaction. Huh huh huh huh huh huh... sorry. My intent was not to perpetuate a stereotype of any kind. It's only the head honcho woman geezer at my local library who fits that description. There are two others: one of them doesn't own a cardigan, and the other one's not even a proper woman. I hope this clears up the misunderstanding for you, your union, and both my other readers. But anyway, you could
Spanked by the monkey
Sod the football, I got the racing tips bang on didn't I? A 2-1 winner and a 13-8 winner. None too shabby that.
from Mat
Letters Ed responds: That's all well and good, but the monkey is still winning...
Pyschic preview 3
Your previews are getting ominous now. Your only further insight into Wrexham was by hinting Town should keep an eye on three players. Something to do with the fact they set a few goals up. According to the BBC website, two of those players set up goals on Saturday. Please stop highlighting these little things.
from Dave Chambers
Never the Swain
Whilst all the hoo-ha was flying around about new managers, a guy I work with started a debate about the best Town managers from the past. The usual names sprang up: Shanks, McMenemy, Buckley, even George Kerr. Then this guy said: "What about Kenny Swain?" Needless to say I asked him what the fuck he was on about.
His argument being that he brought Jack Lester and John Oster into the first team. My reposte was he also brought in Jason Lee. And seven goals against at Hillsborough. And relegation.
Perhaps he is right? Kenny Swain is the best manager Town have ever had, or perhaps maybe Mick Lyons? You work it out...
from James Thundercliffe
Rattling on
I read with interest Tim's reply to my pedantic letter about his ugly mug. I don't care if you've got the mug Tim 'cos I've got a genuine 1943 FA Cup Final commemorative wooden rattle and all the programmes from Town's Division Two campaign in 1910/1911. You really ought to check the authenticity of these things before you rush into a purchase. I know I do.
from Mr B.L. Ackandwhite-Barmy
Get trout!
Hi. I like your site, but why is it called Cod Almighty? I remember your cup run a number of years ago and the Harry Haddocks.
from Phil Wadsworth
Letters Ed responds: Erm. It's a play on words, Phil. And we couldn't think of a pun with haddock in the title. Besides which, fact fans, Harry Haddock was actually a rainbow trout...
A record company fat cat writes
It's people like The Diary with his plugging and seeming approval of computer applications like Soulseek, which blatantly allows people to download the latest music FOR FREE and DEPRIVE record companies of an IMPORTANT REVENUE STREAM, which make this world the wonderful place it is today. And probably tomorrow.
from Paul Wilkins
Banner spanners
I am writing to you in the capacity of Marketing executive at Gamebookers Ltd. - the premier online sports betting site with a large following on the internet. Our widely frequented URL is: www.gamebookers.com
Your site caught my eye and I confess it is rather impressive and very informative. We at Gamebookers have a Partnership Program for sites like yours. This Affiliate program is based on Revenue-share whereby you will receive 20% of the gross revenue (betting turnover minus payouts) generated by people whom you refer to our site. We provide all of the software, including banners, all of which can be installed easily. You even get your own unique login and password to track how much profit you are making.
For more information, please visit the Affiliates section of our website- gamebookers.com
from Meghna Khanna, Marketing Executive, Gamebookers Lt
Letters Ed responds: Dear Big Money-Grubbing Organisation, Please take your colourful, revenue-enhancing banner and shove it right up your arse. Yours, Mr Letters Ed
We forgot something...
You forgot Nicky Daws you divvies.
from Barney
Letters Ed responds: D'oh!
Waar is Menno?
Can anyone solve the mystery of what happened to Menno Willems? On soccerbase.com his career just stops with GTFC. Others would say it never started. Is he wandering the streets of Cleethorpes, surviving the winter by breaking into chalets and feasting on takeaway tossed away by Winter Gardens revellers? Why hasn't he signed for Scunny or the Blades?
from Tim Smith
Letters Ed responds: Didn't he go back to Holland and sign up with a Dutch Second Division team. Anyone any the wiser?
Smillie lady
I remember Wheel of Fortune, although it was more for that shapely young lady that turned the letters around rather than Mr Campbell. What was she called?
from Nathan Lane
Letters Ed responds: Well a quick browse of imdb.com shows that until 1996 it was Carol Smillie (she of Changing Rooms fame). After that, it was 'No Limits' star Jenny Powell who turned the letters. Any more TV-related questions?
Netball
Of course we know who the Harlem Globetrotters are Jesse. Cuh! What do you think us Englanders are: ignorant of basketball? We might not be as fervent about basketball as, say, Estonians, but I am sure most sports fans from this fair isle will have heard of the 'trotters. It probably helps that last season Real Madrid were adjudged to be the Globetrotters of footie...
By the way, I used to watch the Globetrotters cartoon series when I lived in Saudi. Did you ever see that Jesse? Great piece though. Fancy starting a chant of "defence! defence! defence!" at a game some time?
from Si Wilson
Want, want, want
I am bored at work. Where is this week's quiz?
from Dave Chambers
Letters Ed responds: You must have been bored - I got this letter four times
Yank account
Re: Jesse's article. Is he on crack?
from Mat
Tasty cherries
Your preview says "Bournemouth likely to revert to 4-4-2 for this away trip." Is there a word missing from this sentence? And what is your writer doing wanting Bournemouth to field their "tasty" players. Is he really a fan of the Cherries?
from Dave Chambers
Letters Ed responds: Cod Almighty's copy editor writes: You should see Si's previews before I edit them, Dave...
Cod off
You know when you're from Grimsby because we eat haddock not cod like Yorkies (noddies). Which is another reason we all take some small offence when people refer to us as cod heads. What bollocks is that? We send all that filth out of town to the Yorkies for supper and keep the haddock. At least we did when I lived there.
I live in Holland now and apart from being completely flat they only have cod or some other muck like eels in the shops here. Haddock is not to be found, unless me dad brings us a nice fry.
from Andy
Letters Ed responds: How is Menno getting on over there?
Give us nesbits
Can we please have a return, or at least an update, of the 'nesbit of the week' feature. There have been some classics on the official MB recently. Especially 'Homeguy' - he should receive an award for optimism at least.
from Gregory Harding
Letters Ed responds: I'd love to Gregory - but the problem is that message boards are rife with nesbitism these days. It's completely overwhelming...