Cod Almighty | Diary

Sunburn, salt and soggy satisfaction

20 August 2020

Last week it was Yorkshire Wildlife Park and Hubbard's Hills. The week before it was Sutton-on-Sea. All trips that left your A46 Diary sunburnt, salty, soggy and satisfied in equal measure, but I wouldn't claim it was a staycation. That's a hanging around the house, day-drinking, hands-in-pants, Netflix-exhausting-cation. Most of us have had about enough of that although if they announce a third series of the excellent Korean zombie-fest Kingdom, then I'll be self-isolating with bells on.

Your A46 Diary was also in the cinema last weekend. A very nerdy visit to a showing of The Fellowship of the Ring (we were three of only seven people in the screening). Middle child refused to go, a look of I'm-way-too-cool disdain thrown at me, youngest was bored and eldest loved it, thereby regaining the favourite child trophy for the first time since 2012 when he volunteered to return to Blundell Park after a season away. The first season in non-League had seen his faith falter, and the Pontoon had been a little colder that year.

These were our first trips to parks and recreations for long months, and it was as if we'd never been away.

We've been away from Blundell Park for so long, and there's a real fear that the habit will be broken, that people will not return, that live-feeds with piped-in FIFA crowds will be the comfier, warmer alternative. And once we're used to live feeds, will we need a GTFC? A Lincoln or Hull City? A Scunthorpe or Boston United? If we're only loyal to our screens, wouldn't a Salah et al be a better watch?

But there's no sunburn, no salt, no soggy satisfaction from a livestream. A livestream doesn't leave eldest agog at a spectacle not easily recreated in living rooms. These live games don't look right, don't sound right, don't feel right. Maybe that's it: maybe as live streams they're no more than games, just blokes having a kickabout, looking slightly ridiculous that they're taking it so seriously. The whole spectacle is so easy to turn away from.

And wherever we turn, there's a Blundell Park-shaped hole in all of our lives and it won't be filled by livestreams and sporting editors choosing what we see. It won't replace yelling at the away end, checking for Chairman Fenty in the Findus, complaining about awful burgers, shivering and shouting together or just standing as one because there's a corner. Even if our neighbours are three seats away, and the drafts that whip between us will be colder than 2011, it's more than a buffering image on a phone.

This Saturday's buffet of buffering could include a GTFC aperitif to the weekend's UEFA cash-cow show pieces. For £5 you can watch a pre-season friendly from the comfort of wherever you like. I don’t usually bother with friendlies, but I do miss Town, so I may find myself turning from casual swiper to signer-upper.

Holloway has expressed his frustration at fixture congestion in the early season. He has a point; front-loading the fixtures to make room for another UEFA cash-cow does seem a callous decision made without regard to those who can't afford huge squads. Still, it is GCSE results day, so at least football is in keeping with the rest of society when it comes to "levelling up". He goes on to say that his squad-building plans have become complicated but that there will be more new signings, that our three newbies from the non-League cost the same as Cardwell and Rose and will need time to get up to speed, that Mohsni and Hanson are not fit. Quite a miserable read. If I were you I'd not click the link and just pretend that everything's fine and think of ways to fill that Blundell Park-shaped hole that don't include reading about how difficult everything is. It feels like we have enough bad news.

So, a little good news: according to Radio Humberside's Matt Dean, no wants Mattie Pollock. At least not right now, and we have an option of an extra year on his contract. That boy/colossus is sunburn, salt and satisfaction all wrapped in a 6'4" package. Long may he grow with us.

Finally today, the Premier League fixtures are out, but we wee plebs have to wait. If you're excited about that, I'm happy for you. If you don't care, I understand. Either way, it'll take more than Salah et al to fill that Blundell Park-shaped hole.