Cod Almighty | Postbag
The one with the flushing
14 April 2004
And now the end is near, blah blah blah blah, yadder yadder. Anyway, let's see off Division Two with a bumper postbag, including all those letters that should have appeared weeks ago, but I was too lazy to sort out. Oops.Give us this day our daily post at postbag@codalmighty.com. See you Saturday.
How do you feel?
This season I feel just like Paul. I would still be enthusiastic for Town if players were committed and crap, not just a dozen short-term old journeymen who are crap. The reports of Nicky Law's brand of football are depressing.
We no longer produce/develop a player who we can flog to a bigger club once a season. Hopefully in a couple of seasons (it will take at least that long) we can have a team we can call ours again. Is it just a dream to imagine a 2007 squad of 23 players who actually feel like a team again?
My mate Ali keeps bringing in to work her Liverpool Corinthian model collection she keeps winning on eBay. She's got about 45 now with players from the last four decades. I asked her to get me one old model of a Newcastle player, preferably cheap, with a damaged head I can tear off. I can then use my blu-tack or putty to make different Town players every few days. I can save a fortune on buying this season's squad of 147. Can you suggest other material I can use for heads?
from Séan Carr
Letters Ed responds: I think just leaving them as headless will give a more fitting representation of the current squad.
Pathos II: Pathos bites back
In response to your postbag's anonymous submission of "SHIT" regarding Pathos: Uh, yeah. Not everyone is supposed to like it. It articulates more feeling with pictures than you can in words though, you divvy twat.
from Si Wilson
One for the antipodean
What is the point in the Electronic Fishcake? Republished news off This Is Grimsby and www.gtfc.co.uk and a cliquey message board. Thank you Cod Almighty for giving me a Grimsby site worth visiting.
from Dan Sheard
'Ave a banana
Was the editor's comment a quote from Channel 4's brilliant sitcom Spaced? Or is that just your opinion?
from Steve Carlton
Letters Ed responds: You work it out...{cough}
More on Menno
Seeing as there seems to be a 'manhunt' on for the ex-Town (oh and Ajax too; how the fuck did that happen?) midfielder, I thought I'd send you these links [1, 2]. It seems he has ended up signing for Sparta Rotterdam in the Dutch Second Division which means that he hasn't done too badly for himself. Then again he did have the third best left foot in the Nationwide, behind Gally and Darren Barnard, obviously. Just hope Sparta have plenty of spare balls.
from Baz Rockliff
Pathos III: Stalker
Wow, if your last picture is very accurate, you sit very close to me at BP. Lucky you!
from UTM
Letters Ed responds: That's very perceptive of you Mr UTM. A few of the CA team can often be found sulking at the back of the Pontoon.
Don't drink and dive
Recently I wrote an article named 'Taking a dive?' published on this very site. Since then, in both games involving the Mariners, players have - yes, you've guessed it - dived, somewhat proving my point.
A Wednesday player (his name I don't care to remember) was thankfully booked for such antics but against QPR a player's dive won a dubious free-kick, leading to a dubious goal. Listening to Tondeur and the crew on Humberside the ref seemed to have a Pyewipe stinker. Here's hoping we don't have him again in such an important run-in that could make or break this club.
from Christopher Mills
Dutch delvings
Rich B (6 April), in responding to an earlier query as to the whereabouts of the Dutch midfield master Menno Willems, suggests he is at Haarlem but wonders where he has been since leaving Grimsby.
Menno actually signed for Haarlem in the Dutch second division at the start of the 2002-03 season but left for Sparta Rotterdam in December last year. He has a contract until the end of the season.
Marcel Cas has broken into the Roosendaal side, the fun-seeking wideman's old club, in the Eredivisie, the Dutch first division. Robert Molenaar, the ex-Leeds and Bradford central defender, is a teammate.
No idea of the whereabouts of Ten Heuvel, Ermes or Busscher, the other Dutchmen sent packing from Blundell Park across the North Sea.
from Mike Worden
Letters Ed responds: Thanks Mike. Any idea what happened to that useless lump Fostervold?
WLTM: New club
Superb poetry from Al Wilkinson after the Easter Tirade (of shit). Glad that I'm not the only one who feels like he's lost a best friend.
from Paul Thundercliffe
Trainspotting
It's the first time I have looked on your site, and I really enjoyed reading the articles about my home town. We all know the Mariners are the greatest club in the land. Forget your Premier sides - not too many of them had a railway locomotive named after them. All the best for now.
from Mick Samuels
BUY PRODUCT NOW
Is the flashing T-shirt a figment of my imagination, or just a cheap, 50's-style subliminal marketing trick to try and get people to buy your T-shirts? Red... white... red... white... must buy... consume... reproduce...
from Paul Wright
Letters Ed responds: Mwhahahhaha. Fly, my pretties, FLY!
Chester draws
With Chester City being promoted from the Conference, does this mean Hollyoaks is now Third Division television?
from Tony Rogers
Naíve defending by Hansen
I have just read Sam Metcalfs interview with John Stone and it was ace (that was the 'in' word when John was playing). The interview was good, but what I really liked was the photo of John along with Kev Moore battling against Alan Hansen whilst Joe Waters looks on, in that never to be forgotten match at Anfield.
P.S. I got my tee-shirts at last. They're ace too.
from Mr B.L.Ackandwhite-Barmy
GET: a job
Warning - Grimsby Telegraph seriously damages your career. No, really. Look at the evidence: Town players who have written weekly articles for the aforementioned daily piece of literary expertise.
1. Wayne Burnett: went from first team regular and Wembley goalscorer to expert bench-warmer. 2. Terry Cooke: went from the best thing since sliced bread to occasional substitute. 3. Marcel Cas: left the country for Holland in a dramatic escape from Paul Groves and his boring training. 4. Iffy Onuora: left the country for Merseyside in a dramatic escape from having to actually do anything.
Having said that, Burnett turned into an 'actor' for Sky TV, Cooke got a proper contract at a club with a stadium, Cas is earning a packet doing those Grolsch adverts (shhhtop, it is not ready), and Onuora still isn't doing anything.
Perhaps Mr Green could tell us how his articles have affected his career prospects?
from Sir Michael Shelton OBE
Letters Ed responds: Mr Pete Green says: "After a season of writing for the Telegraph, my career prospects are indeed in tatters. Mind you, that hasn't changed since I left Havelock."
Scunthorpe Woman
How long are you going to keep Maggie on the front of your site? I am starting to have nightmares of her, some while I am awake. Surely you could find some sexier highbrow totty to break up the mass of blokes on your front page. What about Germaine Greer? Or Sophie Raworth?
from Dave Chambers
Letters Ed responds: Germaine bleedin' Greer? You sick man...
All this were fields...
It's really strange, but in a weird 'numty' kinda way, I actually miss my home town of Grimsby (which, may I add, is not in Yorkshire). Fish and chips for a quid. Down here in Hampshire you get half the portion for treble the price - now what's that all about? People are friendly too, unlike these southern ponces. Anyway, just wanted to say I miss you Grimsby... mwah.
from Jo (aged 22½)
Letters Ed responds: We'll be sure to pass on the message when we next see it.
Toilet talk
When it comes to websites, I know what I like and I like this website: forthright, informed and kind. As a son of Immingham, now exiled to the denizens of Levenshulme, Manchester, it has been your website that has provided me with the opportunity to chart, from euphoria to abject horror, the latest 'developments' at Fortress Blundell, a name in itself worthy of a Fall album. Well done to all concerned. Good work.
I watched my first Mariners game at Stockport last Saturday. The fans were, without question, magnificent and deserve every credit. Come Saturday, let us bring down the walls of Prenton Park with our glorious fervour and throw the shackles of mediocrity down a big toilet, and then not bother flushing it.
from Mike Prowle