Cod Almighty | Postbag
Postbag: A new hope
5 August 2004
A new season a new Postbag: that's my motto and I'm sticking to it. Ok then, I'll get back to a weekly effort. You need to write the letters though, eh?Email postbag@codalmighty.com with your mutterings.
Tip off
In response to comments regarding the delayed nature of the final tipping results in your letters page dated 16th June, can I plead mitigating circumstances? I'm in New York and it takes a month to find out the 'British soccer scores'.
from Andy Holt
Short back and sides
Mr D Chambers asked about my views on the hairstyles of the rich and famous (Euro 2004).
I'm sorry to say that, like a fringe-obsessed Trevor Brooking, I'm "a little disappointed" with the efforts this year. They just haven't moved on. It's the same old straggly hairband look. Even the new kids on the block, Torres and Schweinsteiger, have just flicked a couple of pages back in the style book and gone for proto bleached mullets.
One has to search long and hard for something a little chucklesome. That Latvian defender, Robert Zemeckis, brought forth a smile or two with his Aussie sheepshearer locks. I think he just needed some green wellies to complete the look. He should stick to film-making.
My favourites have been the Russians. You half expect Bruce Willis to swing by shouting "Yipppeeekiyaaay". Especially the goalkeeper who was sent off.
Even Seedorf has had his hair cut. It must be the calm before the World Cup storm. They're just saving themselves for the bigger stage.
from Tony Butcher
CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK
GRIMSBY IZ SHIT!! AND IZ FULL OFF FISHY PEEPLE!!!! UP THE IRON!!!
from Jez
Letters Ed responds: You golf fans are all the same. And I don't want to know where you're putting your iron thankyouverymuch
An hoop
Achievements need to be updated for PAFC! Now there is a division between us! Thank you!
from Gary Taylor
Letters Ed responds: Ooh, well, bleedin' well get her with her "achievements". Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater, I'm off to play the grand piano. Excuse us. Are we your bleedin' historian now?
Jumpers for goalposts
A supporter since 1954, aged 12. First full season (1955-1956) Allenby Chilton and the lads: Williams; De Gruchy; Sciatica Bob Crosby and 'Big Daddy'. Third Division North title versus Southport in front of 25,000 fans. Happy days.
Does anyone know what is happening re: Hockless, that wasted talent from last season?
If he reads this, regards to Spud Waite, classmate from Wintringham and former Town player.
from Bill Dorricott
We're roughin' it
Re: Chester City rough guide.
Crackin' read mate - made me feel very proud to be a Chester fan. I'd love to know more about this 'Bungle' nickname for 'r Daryl though... what's all that about? That's my superhero you're on about!
from Pumpenink
Letters Ed responds: It goes like this: We had a non-scoring forward line of Daryl Clare and Mike Jeffrey. Hence Jeffrey and Bungle. Except some fans used to refer to Jeffrey as Bungle, but that's because they're a bit simple. Bless
Saviour of the universe
"Flash Enabled". A stroke of genius.
from Emma Gillingham
It is though, really, isn't it?
Just a quick note to say I appreciate the site which I've somehow found after stumbling back from the pub this Friday lunchtime.
Coming from Birmingham, but with both parents and all relatives coming from Grimsby, I have naturally been confused about many terms said to me during my childhood years which other Brummie kids never seem to have heard - buggerlugs being the classic example. Your site has explained all of these and more. I now understand that it wasn't all totally my parents' fault.
Anyway, with Grimsby being my second team I shall continue to visit the site in the hope of finding more articles which I can quote to mates in order to explain why Grimsby is Great. Second only to Birmingham of course (honest). For proof of this visit www.birminghamitsnotshit.co.uk.
from Stuart Murray
Wanted for crimes against fashion
Why has Mr Thundercliffe got a pixelated jumper on? Is there the face of a supergrass, or the judge on the Tony Rees trial, crocheted in to the fine fabric? Answer demanded.
from Tony Butcher
Good guidings
Like your guide to the mighty Pilgrims. But what is that picture on the page? It will be interesting to see who does best out of Boston and you fishy people.
from Dan Wilder
Isaiah done a mess
"Isaiah don't mess around" your site says. He certainly didn't when the Bees came BUZZING!! CYA!
from Paulo Waters
Letters Ed responds: Yes, because, right, haha, I bet that, right, haha, you offered him more MHONEY and, haha, he thought your ground was a HIVE of activity. That took the STING, hoho, out of us eh?
Brucey bonus
In Play Your Cards Right what happened if the next card was the same as your current card? Did you lose or get another go?
from Tony Rogers
Letters Ed responds: I'm fairly sure that you lost your go and the other team got to carry on. But I'm happy to be corrected on that...
Nationwide Barclays Cola Division League C (Agnostic)
I've just thought of one more reason why the new names for the divisions are monumentally idiotic. Norwich have just won the first division title, or the Division One championship. But how will the honour of finishing first in that tier of the League now be referred to? Have West Ham been installed as early favourites for the Championship championship? Even "Championship title" sounds stupid. I bet the suits never thought about that, did they, eh?
from Pete Green
Bad grammars
Maybe I've been away from Grimsby too long - but does the "was you one of the lucky ones" grammar on the GTFC news page today make you wince?
from Chris Howes
Letters Ed responds: I think, deep down inside, we all died a little
Exclamathon
Is the new columnist that chap Bill Fishcake? If so, I'd like to congratulate Bill for only using eight exclamation marks in the whole article. That is about a forty percent reduction on his usual quota.
from Richard
Letters Ed responds: Codswallop says: "I don't know who or what you're on about!!"
Sarcasm: better than a hot bath on a cold day
The letters page is ace. What I really like is that you leave it up so long I can memorise all the letters. I can read with interest at the bottom of this very page I am typing on, the following "If you don't receive a reply by email then your feedback will probably feature on the Cod Almighty letters page, which is updated every Tuesday" I guess there wasn't enough space to put "the 23rd" after Tuesday.
Please treat this as constructive criticism and not some sort of rabid attack from a poster on the OS message board, which reminds me - rather than having a messageboard nesbit of the year can we just have a nesbit messageboard of the year?
Cheers guys, see you on Row P of the Pontoon next season.
from Mr B.L.Ackandwhite-Barmy
Letters Ed responds: It was close season. I was havin' a bleedin' holiday wasn't I? Eh? Eh? Eh?
Lose Lennie
In response to the general laissez-faire attitude of the press to GTFC (do internet sites count as press?) how's this for a snotty feedback form to the Yahoo sports news network:
from "Grimsby Towns team news in the english footb
Letters Ed responds: Notice the refusal to accept "League Two" which I thought was a goodie. Can we all chip in as a fan base and pester these wankers cos they have been linking Lennie Lawrence since he went and it winds me up. Paul Wright
Eh up buggerlugs
Just to let you know, I think the site is great: "A nearly wet me sen" while I was reading it. Keep up the good work.
from Andrew Swinburn
Pre-season
Not only do we have to tolerate Friday night league fixtures again this season, but the club decides that Fridays and Mondays are fine for pre-season games. A weekend back home, broken up with a Saturday watching Town's squad huff and puff their summer fast food binge off - sounded like bliss to me. Or is this weekend avoidance a cost-cutting measure as the club has to pay time and a half at weekends?
from Tony Rogers
4football is 4cunts
Congratulations! Your site has been awarded Best Unofficial Site in your clubs category for the season 2003/04. To display your winners banner, simply copy and paste the following html code into your site [snip]
from 4Football
Letters Ed responds: Shove it right up your arse you bunch of scamming, premier-licking shitbags. Your website is a big pile of shitting pissknickers and you all deserve to be put up against a wall and shot in the bollocks you dreary, donkey-headed goat fuckers.
The rurd to Hull
Re: Hull Dictionary. You missed out - Rurd. This is a popular place to do your shopping. There are two Rurds in Hull. Holderness and Hessle.
from Rich
Gold deny
Do you know what the Gold Bond is exactly? The club is pushing this scheme on its web site but there does not seem to be an explanation as to what it is. Any ideas?
from Dominic Andrews
Letters Ed responds: I have absolutely no idea at all to be quite honest. I think you can pay money and then get entered in to some kind of raffle. I really don't know. Anyone?
There's only one Neil Woodses
Coventry have signed Man Utd's Neil Wood. Given how Town supporters like to pluralise their players' surnames, I think this is a chance missed.
from Tony Rogers
In like Clint
How do. Just wondering if Clint Marcelle is still with you guys at the moment? I seem to remember him being on trial with you guys but since then I've heard nowt. Just curious as to where he has gone. You properbly already know this but he really was the worst player we've ever managed to have pull on a Darlo shirt! Having said that our tactics never helped. Long ball to the midget forward... yeah nice one Tommy Taylor.
Anyway, all the best for the upcoming season and look forward to seeing how many of you lot make it to the giant, mostly empty, monument to our former dictator.
from Kevin Luff ( from Chris Howes A really good idea spoilt by VERY poor research. Basic points: Darlo are out of administation, debt free; Darlo playing in stripes (worst strip I have ever seen), we did last season and are reverting to hoops this season thank God. Some of the so called research was laughable... The Quakers were so called because of Feethams shaking (try Bury with that one). The funniest and widest from the mark was that Kelty was a good player in demand.
Good luck for the new season and we will see how our bankrupt team does against your high flyers... Strange you play in the same division as us no hopers isn't it? from Chris Letters Ed responds: Jesus bloody Christ. Ok, we'll spend all our fucking waking lives checking out every single bastard fact because we've got nothing better to do with our time. In fact, I think I'll quit my bastard job because I don't need the money. Although, I'm not sure how much time I've got to do it now as it took me half the bastard morning to edit your fucking abysmal attempt at a letter. Try doing some research in to punctuation and grammar. Titwank Mr Mat Hare. Are you interested in having your betting abilities challenged? I would like to see if I can win more off 20 quids of preseason bets than you. Real money or pretend money is up to you. from Dave Chambers I have proudly worn my GINIY T-shirt in front of Sparta Prague's fantastically named Toyota Arena AND in front of er, a famous Prague building! from Baz Rockliff I have since realised that the famous building in question is Týn Church which is in the Old Town Square! from Baz Rockliff In the Winnie The Pooh stories heffalumps were proved to not exist. Piglet was scared shitless when he thought he saw one, but it was only Pooh with a jar of honey on his head. As you do.
Are you suggesting Tony Crane should scare the bejeezus out of people while roaming the land with a jar of honey on his head? (and where would we find a jar big enough?) Or are you suggesting Tony Crane is just a figment of our imaginations?
Anyway, even if we do see him or not, it's not the time of year for heffalumps, I hear. from Andy Walters Letters Ed responds: I'm hoping Tony Crane is just a horrible, recurring nightmare I had last season which will hopefully go awayGuide a bit rough, apparently
Gauntlet thrown. Man challenged. Money wagered.
GINIYTIIP
GINIYTIIP 2
Pooh sticks