Cod Almighty | Diary

Tomorrow is in the freezer

9 November 2020

It may be morning again in America, but it's mourning again all over that rusting belt of failure that is North Lincolnshire. Let's pick at every stitch, now the rabbits are in the cup ditch. On a weekend of woe the proud Pied Piper's boys preceded Cox's pipless bad apples into the magical dustbin of FA Cup history.

Is it time to panic in the streets of (the county formerly known as) Hummmmmmmmberside? Twiddle your cat's whiskers and tune into the BBC Home Service for news of which board blinks first. Well, it is the season of the board room twitch.

Woah, hold on, lest we forgot that Holloway has skin in his own game? He won't sack himself. The canny Hollow One is not taking any chances and has launched his re-election bid with the campaign slogan "When's the right time to quit? Never, never, never!"

Expect P-Diddy to emerge on a podium on the Prom under a banner announcing "Don't swap horses midstream".

Prize money for winning football games? Pifflingly small beer for our high rollers. With the fabled and fabulous football fortune round the next corner the captains of our ship espy land ahoy. Ah, but what kind? It's a land that's fair and bright, where the handouts grow on bushes, as long as we get to February. Note that date down, it means something.

But wait, look over there, a unicorn! The word on the street is that Dembele is desired by desperately flailing Premier League relegation fodder and Town will get 25 per cent of whatever Peterborough admit is the transfer fee, eventually, after Honest John agrees to defer payments. And then convert into a lucrative pre-season friendly. Oh, and don't forget The Hollow One's cheque is in the post.

All things we could do if we had a little money. Town are positively rolling in imaginary cash – benign loans don't pay themselves these days.

Pah, it's all just noise, words, fluff and puffery. In any normal season at this abnormal club the axe would be grinding as loudly as the average Town televiewer's teeth. Some people talk change, others cause it.

It's getting close to the time to turn the rascals out!