Cod Almighty | Diary

Three votes down

15 February 2021

Are conspiracy theories merely a conspiracy to confuse you and in reality there is no conspiracy, just incompetence and chaos?

Let's talk about Town.

Well, the defentystration of Grimsby is incomplete, but things may go better with Giles Coke, the last piece in that great big jigsaw The Returned One bought from the local Sue Ryder shop. The only way is up, for hokey Cokey has surveyed our lands and proclaimed: "We have got a really good bunch of players now".

Nice use of the word "now" there, Giles.

But the question remains after the weekend wipe out: how do you do provide content when there's nothing going on?

Our local ragamuffin newsletter for Moaning Vickers resorted to filling space with pipe-dream signing Omar-Omar-Omar-Omar-Omar-Omar-Omar Bogle's tales from the Thames riverbank and rotated that old yon-lion-ate-our-bus-station story again, hailing the clown who saved Grimsby.

Ah, but what about the clown who saved his worst for Grimsby? Do you waste your time wa-wa-wa-wa-wondering why a-why-why-why-why he ran away? The Hollow One's had two months to think up a coherent, plausible answer to the questions he was bound to be asked once he crawled out of the woodwork for his comedy routine on Quest.

The softest of squidgy softballs was teed up by the visibly embarrassed Colin Murray and the ex-Pied Piper immediately dissolved into gurgles and gargles. No QC would ever put him in the witness box. Everything would have been groovy if only he'd signed the players he wanted. Shame the facts are different from his version of reality.

Harry Davis? The year before he'd re-signed for Town on the basis he would leave in 2020 as he was missing his family in the North West. Billy Clarke? An early raspberry, and Charles Vernam had already been drummed out by the ancien regime's duplicitous dealings as last season ended. All known before the planning for the new season began.

Ah, what planning?

Oh and the new owners who aren't yet the new owners spoke to him behind his back, which put him off them. Nonsense, literally. 

To deceive others you must first deceive yourself. Even Holloway didn't sound convinced by the noises emerging from the id in idiot.

At least now he's trolling his home town club. And who's he spatting with? Oh bliss, bliss and heaven... oh, it is gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh… it's…it's… Tommy Widdrington, pointedly pointing fingers at The Hollow One. Relax, they can do us no harm now. They're history, they're meat, they're through, they're vapour, they're baloney without the mayo.

For those daydream believers awaiting our salvation by the impending implosion of the Bananarama, don't get too excited. Why? Because they're three votes short of curtailment. Time for John Hoynes to step up to the plate. Though if the North and South stop there'd be no relegation for them, so the incentives for saving Town just aren't there.

We'll just have to do it ourselves; we can't rely upon the kindness of strangers. Let's hope this freeze is the pause that refreshes, and that Coke is it.