Cod Almighty | Diary

I don't want to go to Crawley

17 May 2021

Miss Guest Diary writes: On the notice board in my kitchen I have a postcard of Blundell Park with the words 'Wish you were here?' written across it. You're damn right I do. The message on the back is interesting. It is a plea from the club to renew my season ticket for the 2001-02 season, dangling the prospect of visits from Man City, Wolves, West Brom and a few other teams now several divisions above Town.

That was 20 years ago when Town were in the second tier of football and before the advent of billionaire overseas owners. The world has moved on so much that the prospect of playing those teams – and a few others who visited Blundell Park that season such as Watford, Norwich and Burnley – as anything other than the plucky underdog in a cup game seems so remote as to be impossible. Interestingly, Stockport County were also in the second flight that year.

Forays onto social media show that there are some among us who are still finding it hard to accept that reality. None more so that my fellow diarist last Friday. He didn't actually use the word tinpot but I'm guessing he really wanted to. I would like to offer a counterpoint: it won't be amusing but will be based on facts and personal experience in place of witty hyperbole.

Starting with BOTB's claims of endless FA Trophy replays disrupting league fixtures. During Town's six year spell in non-League we played 32 trophy games of which only three were replays, all of them leading to a decisive result. But more than that, the rules of the competition currently say that all qualifying games will be settled on the day with a penalty shoot out if the scores are level after 90 minutes. And don't forget, this 'tinpot' competition gave us two trips to Wembley.

BOTB's claim that Town's results in the newspaper "are as good as invisible" leads me to wonder when was the last time he actually read one. These days virtually all football below the Premier League is ignored by the mainstream print media. Which is why I will once more be buying the excellent Non-League Paper, who have already written about Town's withdrawal from the ridiculous appeal to the Football League to prevent relegation.

It is true that smaller football grounds are not always easy to find, sometimes being located on trading estates, but that happens in higher leagues too. I give you Scunthorpe, Bolton, Derby and Shrewsbury to name but a few. I don't mind these locations anyway – it's usually quite easy to park and, for non-drinkers like me, there's always a coffee shop to provide refreshments. I recall an excellent pizza restaurant on the Bolton estate whose portions were so large I took half of mine with me to the match in a doggy bag. Which was to BOTB's advantage as he missed lunch, having got lost on the way to the ground.

Finally, some of my favourite memories from our last spell in non-League.

Boreham Wood – discovering Wimpy Bars still exist and feeling like the only sober people in the Town crowd. I can't do better than quote Mr Butcher here: "Moustaches, wigs and a half-time pitch invasion, Danny Welbeck using his injury lay-off to keep an eye on our fans".

Tamworth – standing on the steps behind the goal chatting to friendly stewards and checking out the kitchens of the houses behind the ground in dull moments during the game.

Alfreton – having a great burger in the Australian bar followed by 2,500 Town fans rocking and rolling in the sunshine, many of them wearing Magnay masks although the great man wasn't playing.

Forest Green – a sizzling Friday night game under the lights with constant singing and drumming and cheering. Dizzer scoring a late goal and their keeper being so incensed he stamped on a beach ball.

Barnet – inflatables! Need I say more.

I can't wait for next season to start. Bring on the non-League! UTM