Cod Almighty | Diary

The middlepitch Munchkins of merriment

29 October 2021

We’re still top of the league!

But no, I wasn't too pleased with Tuesday's defeat. I know it is irrational and many will scoff at BOTB and his crazy dreams, but I really hoped the days of losing 1-0 to part-timers who utilised the Big Long Whoopsy Throw as their main weapon were over.

Supporting Town is a bit like buying printers – stick with me here – every time you get a new printer, and it works perfectly for a while, you think you've cracked it and this is the printer of your dreams. Then it suddenly starts shouting Error Code 35462825*%&£2800 at you and shoving out three thousand copies of a Delia Smith recipe for flapjacks and you know it's back to PC World to be patronised by a spotty child for the next two hours.

The feeling of frustration was intensified by the probable loss of superstar superstriker John Mcatee, or John Mcarty as he is known in Scotland, due to a being kicked in the knee issue. Pictures of him on the Instagrams dressed head to toe in bandages like a comedy mummy have been dismissed by some as mind games, but I ain't too sure about that bro.

The absence of both first choice strikers may be compensated for in some measure by the return of energetic middlepitch munchkins Clifton and Hunt, or it may not be. I think our best chance is to try and win corners then go for the old Hunt/Waterfall combo. Then of course there is the enigma that is Joel Grant, the Godot of professional footballers, who will supposedly be along soon. Any minute now.

I found myself earlier in the week in the familiar position of being furious about something that few other people seemed to care about. I’m talking, of course, about the official highlights of the Yeovil game which somehow missed out Lenny's open goal miss from the highlights. This may have been an error, but let's face it, it wasn't. The only explanation is that someone, somewhere, decided to ignore an obvious highlight and major talking point because it didn't fit their agenda.

I saw it suggested on The Fishy that it would be "bad for the players' morale." I haven't bothered watching the Wealdstone highlights but presumably they missed out Wealdstone's winner for the same reason. We therefore gained a creditable 0-0 draw because, as we all know, if it isn't on the highlights it didn’t happen. In other news, we have always been at war with Eurasia. Do you see where I'm going with this? If it didn’t make you cross it bloomin' well should have. The highlights are the highlights, not a propaganda tool.

Despite being an infamously misanthropic and miserable old bugger I must stress I am actually looking forward to tomorrow's game and I love being a Town fan. I've sometimes wondered if I have the right personality to support a lower league football club, being far to prone to sulkiness after the inevitable defeats. But then I remember this letter from B Govier of Cambridge published in Viz in 2019: "I feel sorry for non-football fans when a close relative dies. At least if your team wins, it slightly takes the edge off the death."

And who can also forget the poetic words of 50 Cents? "Joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain." That's almost Shakespeare, that is.

Let's hope for some joy tomorrow to remove the pain of Tuesday, and let's hope no-one with a beef tries to put a hole in our ass. See you at a packed Park.

UTM!

Wanker.