Cod Almighty | Diary
I've looked over Jordan, things are not what they seem
3 December 2021
Hello, BOTB here, consumer of vegan sausage tribute bands and pie, whose diary last Friday ("a sacking request" according to Retro Diary) was thankfully a victim of the editors' busy lives and appeared too late for anyone to care about it. This week's will hopefully appear on time, and people won't care about it for the more usual reasons.
Does anyone not know that the Boreham Wood game has been rearranged for the 21st December? You all do? Fine. Ticked that box. Now then. Is anyone else intrigued by the career so far of new Townite Jordan Maguire-Drew? Clearly an excellent footballer...yet so far unable to settle anywhere and has been loaned to clubs who have him on loan, and then loaned from the clubs that loaned him from the clubs he was on loan to. Or something.
I have faith in Hurst's ability as a man manager, so let's hope the young man can finally overcome whatever has been preventing him from fulfilling his promise.
He also has a Herbert haircut, which inspires more hope than the Youth Team Haircut of Failure worn by so many future Cleethorpes Town substitutes. Last week's loan signing Sam Bell looked for a time as though he was aiming for the Grealish alice band though thankfully he seems to have ditched it in favour of a more mainstream barnet. The lad has a chance. Hang on, let’s just tick the 'haircut discussion' box. Done.
Did you know Jordan Maguire-Drew used to play for tomorrow's opponents, the Dagenhams and Redbridges? He scored 16 in 48 and won their Young Player of the Year award. Fancy. The DRs home attendances this year have been solidly between the 1,000 and 2,000 mark, and like us they started well but have recently lost their mojo. I find the outcome of such games difficult to predict. Actually I find the outcome of all games difficult to predict. I don't know why I mentioned it really.
Is anyone else on one of those Nextdoor apps? Like a kind of local Facebook, the friendliness and community spirit displayed is heartwarming. It's a good job they can’t hear what I'm thinking. A typical exchange goes like this:
"Hi, I'm Carol, born and raised in Waltham, me and my husband Brian are born and bred Grimbarians, we have three grandchildren and a Scotty dog called Rupert, lovely to be on Nextdoor and looking forward to chatting to you all!"
"Hi Carol and Brian!"
"Welcome Carol and Brian, lovely to meet you!"
"I’ve got a Scotty too, his name is Fido!"
"Are you the couple I see walking a Scotty down Cheapside? Lovely dog, delighted to hear from you!"
"Three grandchildren, that sounds like hard work, but all worth it!"
"Welcome Carol and Brian!"
BOTB Diary: Hang on, I know you, Brian. You're Grimsby born and bred yet you have a Leeds United sticker in your car. What's that all about, you pointless glory-hunting freak? And you've concreted your garden and put up those circular plastic bushes next to your front door. It looks awful, you tasteless couple of bells. God knows what Rupert did in a previous life to end up with you two losers. Mind you, if it turns out he's the one who has been depositing his shit on the verge outside my house every Sunday for the last six months at least I now know where to return it. If I wait for it to go white you'll probably start supporting it though.
Am I the only one who experiences this internal monologue whilst looking at the Nextdoor app? If I am, I've revealed more of myself than is healthy, and it might be time for an intervention to take place. Mind you at least I'm not the Nextdoor Creepy Guy who seems to appear on most threads saying things like "you two seem fun" or "is that your daughter I've seen calling at your house?" or "I'd love to take Rupert for a walk and a cuddle some time."
Dagenham and Redbridge isn't next door (segue!) yet doubtless many Mariners will make the trip. Incidentally, Morrissey wrote a song called Dagenham Dave. I don't suppose Redbridge Dave would have worked as well, though he no doubt considerd it.
Good luck to all travelling Mighties and let's hope we bring home the teams-in-bad- form-bacon. You deserve a victory. Incidentally, booooooo to Halifax and their Boxing day bastardry.
I think that's about it. Bysey bysey.
NEXT WEEK: Sinead O'Connor