Cod Almighty | Diary

Faith, hope and charitable status

10 December 2021

On this freakiest of Fridays with the world all downside up, in the absence of the regular eccentric we've skimmed a replacement off the top of the barrel. So who is number one? Ha-ha, it is I, your Deviant Diary, in disguise with glasses, and very much a Vegan Sausage Diary: all the right notes, not necessarily in the right order.

What you aiming for? A circus of a-horror?

So, The Big One tomorrow, eh. Remember it's getting better all the time, just not on the pitch anymore. Town are more than just a football team, which is handy given we haven't got much of one at the moment. With Town's knacked and naughty midfield likely to comprise John, Paul, George and Ringo, it can't get much worse. Can it?

Ah yes, hello there dear old Chesterfield, with your crooked spire and crooked past. Our partners in purgatory, fellow Football League floppers around whom Fenty's friend, Alick Kapikanya (aka Alex May) also circled. We've both had near-death experiences in the near past and we've both rid ourselves of disastrous and derided owners.

Aye, and there's the rub.

Whereas Town still have Fenty's financial shackles around our ankles, Chesterfield got all that debt magicked away. Which debt? Over £12m owed to Dave Allen, their comedy former owner. Last year they were "bought" by a registered charity who inherited £10.6m of the loans (promising not call them in), and Big Dave wrote off £2.045m.

Yes, they're owned by a charity, backed by the local councils. They put staff on furlough during Covid and took out a £700,000 loan from the English Sports Council in March. So they're bust, not flush, right?

And then they bought a golden goose in August for £250,000.

As the Short One mused after confirming Town had a nibble at nabbing Chimichanga: "I'll be honest, I'm not sure what has happened there in terms of the finances because they were supposedly really struggling and then went to sign a striker."

How did they manage to shimmy Tshimanga into their blue heaven? There's a magic money tree behind the Travel Lodge, apparently.

Ah, it's all above board they claim, they've won it all at the bookies, otherwise known as an insurance policy pay out. Really? They've won the right to get a pay out for Covid losses, which is not the same as getting the £4m you want for all the income you may have got and ignoring the Covid support they did get.
They've done a version of what Chesterfield always do: gambled on borrowing against future income. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes you get drawn against Chelsea and all your troubles are packed away by the kitman.

No McAtee, no Hunt and Crookes crocked. Our cup runneth over with woe. How will our ropey dopey defence cope with Chimichanga and his usual accompaniments, guacamole and salsa? Pass me some sour cream please, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Tomorrow, it's just another day. Things will only get better.