Cod Almighty | Diary

The Big Bash Theory

28 December 2021

What news over Christmas your Deviant Diarist hears you, yes you, ask plaintively, if not painfully? Same old, same old: the Queen's been queening in a little church, the Pope's been a-poping in his big church, some famous people who you already thought were dead have died; and Luis Adlard has been sent to the Town creche at Bridlington, presumably to reduce the active player count. Is Brid the Grimsby equivalent of a CIA Black-Ops site? Everyone assumes it exists but no-one has actually found it on the footballing map.

Today would have been the day that Lovejoy's Lynn would have scuttled into town bearing gifts, but we'll just have to wait a little longer for the chance to point at Tommy Widdrington and warn the young folk of our town about football follies and the Laws of failure. We used to have a higher standard of humiliation in the olden days of the last millennium.

So what do to when Town aren't playing? Stare at the walls, watch Omar amble around a disaster zone in Donny, write a classic in the attic? Half of your crack Diary team are still going ahead with the intended post-match Games Night where we have been instructed to bring along a mystery item for the guests to guess its purpose and use.

I'm taking along a picture of dear old, poor old Lennie.

With Town in suspended animation, but still animated by the suspension of our Shop's trading, what is there to mull and whine about? Hey, it's Town, so where do we start?

Has an appeal been lodged against Lennie's ridiculous red card? Who's fit, who's fresh for the weekend? Is there a weekend?

Remember, it only takes a moment to feel alright. Or a twinge in your calf if you're a member of the Cheapside Glen Downey glee club. Don't worry Big Scanz© and even bigger Joel, now the end of your career is near just reach for the final curtain, behind which is a chip shop empire. Look to your future now, it's only just begun. There's a gap in the market, somewhere, for your talents. It would be nice if, just for laugh, you showed them to us on the pitch.

So when will we see Town again, when will we share precious moments? At the very moment of typing these very words the Halifax home game remains, theoretically, on. That, theoretically, is the only game between now and never aka Saturday 22 January 2022.

News, we need news of things in the asteroid belt between Christmas and New Year. Give us hope, give us peace on earth, or at least a decision on when the Boreham Wood game will be played.

So, that was Christmas. A Happy New Year? Let's hope it's a good one without many tears.