Match stats: Notts County v Grimsby

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Monday 23 May 2022

Conference Premier

Notts County 1 Rodrigues (73, pen)

Grimsby Town 2 Holohan (90+6), Dieseruvwe (119)

Attendance: 12023 (2000 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Kyle Cameron

He's got a squirrel's tail on his head, he's got a squirrel's tail on his head. He's got a squirrel's tail on his head and his season is now dead. A gittish cheat prone to bleat who doesn't eat three shredded wheat, despite what his hairstyle claims.

Cod Almighty man of the match: Ben Fox

Bestrode Meadow Lane like a colossus, munching Magpies as he marched on towards the Welsh Marches.

Our gaffer says

Hey Matt, Manny D, wasn't even supposed to be here today! The most sensible man in soccer was happy for you, happy for me and happy for Manny and the many that honest toil was rewarded:

"Wow... incredible"

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Their gaffer says

The hollow-eyed shell-shocked shell-suit forgot the first rule of comedy: never listen to a Town teenager in a taxi. Ever get the feeling you've been had?

"Devasted... carrnage... random... chaos"

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Where there's a will there's a way.

Town were neat and organised with a plan to neutralise self-styled pass masters. And neutralised they were, despite Amos shrivelling and Holohan's square shins.

And when the rapier wit of Taylor-tee failed to breach the straw walls, on came the blundering busses for a bundle of joy.

Mental fortitude, personal pride, a collective coherence and will to win: professionals.

Yeah, everybody feel good, C'mon! Erico chased sausages all night long! Let's have a party.


Dogs snarled and whined, the horses' bits were covered with foam, and here and there were wounded Magpies, as helpless as the rest.

The Barca of the Bananarama? Oi, do me a favour. Notts County are feeble flat-wicket bullies, neutered by negative competence. When Roberts sat down they had nothing to offer but a couple of blokes running quickly now and again, like an insipid ghost of their Warnockian past.

They are in purgatory. It is forever autumn where they'll be forever fifth. Like a leaf in the breeze they were blown away.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap-clap. FISH!

Official warning

Sunny Sukhvir Gill

A cheery chap who at least smiled politely when guessing which door to slide through. Slightly Countyphilic in countenance, he tried hard to protect their lead with tiny inefficiencies, those seemingly small, inconsequential choices that make a big difference, but even he had to let the fickle finger of fate point towards the merry Mariners: 6.66

Readers' digest

Tipping, tapping, slipping and slapping to a chorus of clapping as County are caught napping.

In a word: delicious


Notts County: Slocombe; Cameron, Lacey, Palmer, Chicksen, Brindley, Richardson (Kelly-Evans 113), O'Brien (Francis 60), Roberts (Sam 22), Rodrigues (Brunt 82), Wootton

Subs not used: Rawlinson

Booked: O'Brien, Brunt

Town: Crocombe; Cropper (Dieseruvwe 87), Waterfall, Smith, Amos, Sousa, Fox, Holohan (Coke 109), Clifton, McAtee (Maguire-Drew 81), Taylor (Abrahams 81),

Subs not used: Pearson

Booked: Waterfall, Clifton, Taylor, Pearson

Play-off eliminator