Cod Almighty | Diary

I can almost remember their funny faces

1 February 2023

Oh yeah, all right, are they gonna be in our dreams tonight?

Get up in the morning, ache in me head, sir. Taste in me mouth like a parrot that's dead. Ooh, ooh, me Deviant Diary's ears are alight. Have we signed him then? Who? You know him, the chosen one. The one some emotionally incontinent bedwetter imagineered was seen filling up at that Jet station on the A180.

Choose your chosen one very carefully, it may be your last.

That Scouser we'd never heard of is a Barrowboy! Boo, Stockwits, boo, no ambishun. What was all that malarkey about Toby? And then Andy Pandy McSalad wouldn't come out to play. And when it becomes too much you're going to shout aloud after reading a tweet from the Kidderminster Shuttle.

Twitter during transfer window is basically a recruiting sergeant for a suckers list. Kids, just say no!

Yes, the made-up nonsense of artificial market boosterism that is the January sales has come and now has gone in a flash, and it's the end of the world as we know it. We didn't sign, err, the ones we didn't sign, 'cos they, the ones we didn't sign, are definitely better than the ones we did. I haven't seen them play, Burnsy, but they're rubbish.

So actually who have Town actually signed, actually, really, then? Three players from higher division clubs: George Robert Lloyd (Cheltenham Town, striker, loan); Tom Grant Delory Dickson-Peters (Norwich City, forward, loan) and smiley Joshua Oluwadurotimi Emmanuel (Hull City not Texas State Bobcats, right-back, short term permanent deal).

Oi, what about Mikey O'Neill (Preston North End, midfielder, loan)? Him'n'all. Five out, four in.

What do we know? As much as you if you can be bothered to do a Google search and watch a few YouTube clips. Hey, I tell yer what, I'm not going to spoil your work-dodging fun, go ahead make your day by idly strolling down a rabbit hole dreaming of what may be. One thing I would say is that's a mighty large rabbit if you can stroll down their hole. Or you may be Sunak-sized.

One thing we will actually tell you is that logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead as Saturday's tactical genius morphs seamlessly into a midweek market failure for those infernal internutters. He's taken us Mariners for mugs!

Mariner mugs? I've got a whole cupboard full. 

Why don't we all just wait a few days and watch them play, using our own eyes and our own brains, before we decide which one is rubbish, Burnsy. One thing we do know for sure, Smiley Josh turned away from the dark side, rebuffing the repellent rugby version of the footballs and choosing a life in the working class's ballet.

Well done, young man, excellent choice.

Other news? Other clubs sold players, bought players, loaned players and borrowed players. Their fans are ranging from raging to staging victory parties along the Champs-Élysées. And you know what? No-one knows whether they've bought a dud or a stud. No-one knows anything yet.

No-one knows.

No-one knows anything but one thing's certain…that in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Keep us shape, keep it tight and stay frosty.