Cod Almighty | Diary

I forgot the celery

15 February 2023

Hello, hello? What's going on? What's all this shouting?

Good old Podge!

Sorry, your delirious Deviant Diary got distracted for a mo' by Wrexham's Woking woe. Have they got the Big Mo? Parkinson tried to sign him last year to partner Mullinadonna, but he was too small.

Hey, this a Town site for Town people. Last night gritty Grimsby Town Football Club, a local club run by local people, travelled without great expectations to the land of the Magwitch cuckoos. And where be that? Theirs is the marsh country, down by the river, within, as the river wound, twenty miles of the sea. Were you praying whilst Town were playing at Priestfield, a bleak place overgrown with nettles? There was nothing for us there, not in this flop.

Best not to dwell on such trivial things eh, we've got magical moments coming up.
Those hopeless, hapless, humourless Hampshirites are the gift that keeps on giving. Out went the table-tennis table pyromaniac and who's that knocking at the door, who's that ringing the bell? Do us a favour, open the door and let Ted Lassoo in. Please. Pretty please.

Just two weeks to go now. C'mon after three. One, two three…on the shores of Hants, we'll hope Paul Hurst has brought his pants, for no matter where they hide, they just won't escape our chants.

Hold a haddock in the air but stick some tape across the holes. The latest batch of latex fishfoolery are a metaphor for Town's season so far, gently deflating whilst you look ahead to the bright lights and the big cities. When did a faulty batch of inflatable fish ever get you three points on a Tuesday night in Gillingham? Not last night, that's for sure.

But every cloud's got a sil-ver li-hning, for the drivelling and drooping means young Rich Lord may get his wish and have five empty seats for a family fun day out in Britain's leading football foodhall. Distract yourself further with words that have wisdom, for every little helps.

I know. Last night, eh. Town losing in a far off land? This is nothing new, carry on don't lose your head. What else you gonna do? Form a string quartet and pretend your name is Keith?

This is a thing that has happened to all of us. We must make it bind us together for the good of all.