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Cod Almighty | Diary

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean you're not getting relegated

22 February 2023

"'Gritty' Harrogate Town didn't need to 'pretend to be FC Barcelona' during Grimsby Town stalemate" booms the headline in the Harrogate Advertiser this morning. The local hack isn't suggesting the Sulphurites would consider embroiling themselves in a alleged ref bribing scandal; paying €7Million to take a point from Blundell Park would surely see thousands of sledgehammers and nuts put out of a job all across the English language.

No, the paper allows boss Simon Weaver to both elaborate and tease with "...you can't fight your way out of trouble in League Two by pretending to be Barcelona and playing 500 passes. This is not the time for that....". You're saying there is a time for your team of lower leaguer cloggers to play like worldbeaters? What are you waiting for, a special occasion? This isn't a new pair of trainers, Si, let's have it. 

Instead, like seemingly every other division bloody four team to visit Blundell Park this season, they pretended Town are the Barcelona and set up to stifle and frustrate. Credit to them in that they didn't roll about and cheat game manage like Sutton and others before them. Regardless, the tortoise shell formation once again proved too tricky for a wholehearted but limited Town who also faced the curse of the ex. Mark Oxley, who we've deduced must have been about twelve when he was with us in 2009, had an excellent game between the sticks. 

As pointed out by Bruce Fenwick on that there Twitter, Town fans are obviously not alone. It would appear that attacking, kamikaze formations and 5-4 wins are for play-off matches and not the league.

Daubney's knee-jerk reaction is to bin the 0-0 draw. Or award no points for it. Or have fly-goalies. Or something. While Simon Weaver is purring to anyone who listens about last night the five thousand who went and thousands more on Mariners TV edge closer to not bothering next time. And don't you dare swamp the CA inbox with all the great 0-0 matches you've been to. You'll get all sorts of analogies in reply, too rude for an honest god-fearing Wednesday diary.   

While still legal, a 0-0 does just enough to keep everyone sort of happy; Ryan Taylor, the clean sheet and a point goes in the plus column and the people who watch Town for something to moan about, can moan that we are bloody rubbish as we again failed to stuff a bottom feeder.

There's even probably someone out there relishing the thought that the draw gets us into the relegation conversation again. It's perhaps normal for fans of the most relegated team in the history of the game to be a little paranoid but you'd hope we're also battle hardened enough to recognise real threats. Sort of in a Crocodile Dundee, that's not a relegation battle, THIS 2020-21 season was a relegation battle type way.

Anyway, the lower half of league two isn't in our thoughts for a little while. First up, table-toppers Leyton Orient visit the Park on Saturday. With their 50 point lead at the top meaning they are figuratively already in division three, a home win by a healthy margin is guaranteed, putting to bed any imaginary relegation fears. 

After that, it's off to Southanpton for the fifth round of the cup. Daubney isn't embarrassed to say he's not been this excited about a game in a long while. Yes, we were all excited for the play-offs but they always come with a caveat of likely brown trousers and possible summer spoiling heartache. This day week is all about a free hit at history and the sixth round. The sixth round! 1939; Hall, Betmead and Buck! Chris Dawkes has kindly had a dig in the ITV archives and retrieved some ace footage of the last time we played Southampton. We'll leave you with that to whet the appetite and if you're not already one of the 3,628 ticketholders, what are you waiting for?