Cod Almighty | Diary

Safety Dance

15 March 2023

And…relax.

I know it sounds funny but your Deviant Diary just can't stand the pain of watching Town when he's not there. But, hey baby, life's easy this Wednesday morning.

Sutton. Who? Town may be in the gutter of the fourth tier but we are now firmly looking up at the stars after the battle of Goosy Goosy Gander Lane.

Good old Michee, the great entertainer, never a dull moment.

And let's hail the hardy 273, no doubt dressed real neat from their hats to their feet, who surprised 'em with their victory cry. They certainly got the stewards in a spin, shaking on a string. You know we made them feel like dancing. Marvellous, magical, Mariners dance the night away.

The League? Well, that's sorted then, we'll just be living for pleasure alone with our hats firmly upon the side of our heads from now until Coronation Street Day.
So what's left as the sun sets upon the season? Not much really. The Bradford tickets went on sale this morning. Anything else? Mmm…err…I'm sure there's something.

Ah, yes. That's it. We're in the quarter-finals of the FA Cup you know.

Rev up the pun machine, get ready to roll your eyes, the full weight of the global media machine is about to rain down upon us. I know I can rely on you, yes you dear reader, to keep your dignity and not sing a silly song or jig in a wig if by chance you get accosted by a sweet-talking guy with a mic. Don't let him under your skin, 'cause you'll never win.

At least The Establishment have caved in and nice St Gary will be fronting our first ever foray onto BBC1. Things should be done right: a trio of tight-trousered chaps muttering into a mic, desperately trying to remember the crib notes, panicking after an acid flashback of Justin Whittle smiling and then just falling into lazy assumptions and clumsy clichés. It's how things should be. But who will they wheel out as the vaguely Grimsby-associated pundit?

Personally, I think they should go left field and get the giddy face of Cod Almighty to spout arbitrary cobblers. He's cheap and at least knows the names of most of the Town players. Most.

"Yes, Gary, I’m hoping Hursty pulls a rabbit out of the cup so we are still in the hat this evening".

See, it's easy to talk pundish, a very basic form of pidgin English.

We're not knocking the cup special off the top of our front page, so the Meek Moment is snuck in here, just for you, the special ones who seek to the solve the riddle of the sphynx. It's an Easter egg bonus ball for the 2002 Club Gold Card holders.

OK, let's get in the zone, let's get ready to grumble about the faff. How do we get there? What do we do in the strange land of Big Football? I asked a Seagull season ticket holder and the hot tip was: don't get on the 29X bus.

Endeavour to persevere in Lewes, this one really is going to be a bumpy ride. Especially if you get on the 29X.