Cod Almighty | Diary

Is there anyone home?

16 June 2023

We're scraping under the bottom of the barrel as a late work call for your usual Friday funster has left us bereft on a drifting day of news nothingness. So here's a little game for you all - something from 16 June a few years ago when season tickets didn't even go on sale until later in the month. Can you guess which year? No cheating.

"Citizens Advice Bureau Diary here, taking a break from the real world of Carol Vorderman-induced debt to bring you all the latest news from Blundell Park. This is a first for me and possibly for you, dear reader, as CAB Diary is actually resident in Grimsby. Hard to believe, eh? But what does this mean to you the punter? "Not a lot" can be the only response. But I am of course ideally situated to bring you all the news from that theatre of bad dreams Blundell Park. Taking the role of news gatherer rather too seriously, CAB Diary has earlier today visited said theatre of dreams to gauge pre-season activity. I am disappointed to report that I could have left my pre-season activity gauge at home. Mind you, it was only 8 o'clock in the morning, which is a bit early in the day for pre-season activity.

Seeing as season tickets go on sale on Monday, though, I was somewhat surprised to see no queue forming as yet. I would have thought getting season ticket number 1 would be top of any Town fans summer wish list. Who does get number 1? Does being first in line at 9am Monday mean you can legitimately call yourself Grimsby's number one fan? Or does the honour go to the first renewer out of the hat? You'd think I had nothing better to think of. It is of course an admirable leap of faith being one of the first to commit so early to the GTFC cause. Bit like getting tickets for a five-day rock festival when the line ups are yet to be announced. "I'll go anyway, just for the atmosphere" must be the thinking. Hmmmmm. Maybe not.

This has all been a rather roundabout way of saying "News? What news?" Sounds like a cue to let Jo Tilley enlighten us with her thoughts on the question of who could possibly play second fiddle to our brand new number one fiddle. Errr... did I phrase that badly? Anyway over to Jo, whose email says: "Further to Mike Harrison's email last week about Graham Rodgers and Cliff Richards, Town need look no further for their new assistant manager than world-famous science-and-funny-voicebox bloke Professor Stephen Hawking. His unique insights into advanced cosmology could get to work on the problem of how it is possible for Fen Butcher to occupy no space on the pitch while simultaneously occupying every space in the universe, and the fans could shout 'Booo! Sort it Hawkings!'"

One for the shortlist, surely? See you in the queue Monday, and whatever you do, don't listen to Auntie Carol. She may look like a nice girl but she's only after your money."