Cod Almighty | Diary

What shall we do to fill the empty spaces?

7 July 2023

You know that feeling you get between the end of one season and the start of another? At first there's a kind of relief that the tension is over, and the first few Saturday afternoons seem quite relaxing. A trip to B&Q? That sounds nice. Haven't been since last summer. About time I weeded that border. We'll just sit outside the pub in the sun all afternoon. Ah, lovely.

But then a gnawing dissatisfaction starts to make itself known, somewhere between the lower stomach and the solar plexus. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? Have we signed anyone? Thank God for that, we have a pre-season friendly against Old Clee Middle School in two weeks. Get the tickets! We’re off again!

I was contemplating this yearly ritual of emotions when something quite horrifying occurred to me. If you aren't a football fan the hollow longeurs of summer do not end. Ever. August comes and the crowd does not surround you, the hope does not envelop you and the despair does not engulf you. The Boxing Day home or away question is of no interest. Every month is a football desert. Your whole year is a Thursday afternoon before the fixture list comes out.

It may seem astonishing, but I know and associate with people who have no interest in football. Something I hear a lot is "why would you want to go and watch that rubbish?" Well, what are you doing on a wet Tuesday night in February that is so much more interesting? On Saturday the 13th January, when I will be watching Grimsby Town vs Notts County, what will you be doing that is so much more gripping and dramatic? Clearing out the shed? Staring out of the window and contemplating how it's darker two minutes later than it was last week? Going on a walking tour of Pyewipe in the rain? Crying?

It seems to me the big question has never been "why are you a football fan?" but "why aren't you a football fan?" Admittedly, there are times when football may take a back seat. Long-planned holidays, concerts you just can't miss, and of course the absolute pisser – weddings – but if we're honest most matches don't coincide with other big events. Most of the time, if you weren't at the football, you'd be watching some shit or other on the telly. And, that, dear reader, is the life of those who don't follow GTFC. We must pray for them.

Tomorrow is the big pre-season derby clash between GTFC and Cleethorpes. One thing experience has taught me is that summer friendlies mean nothing. Go and enjoy, but don't conclude.

The footy gap is, of course, partially filled this year by The Ashes. There may be some of you out there who have never got into cricket or who don't understand it. The simplest way I can explain the Ashes is that it's a panto. The English team are the heroes and the Aussies are the villains. As long as you follow Aladdin, you can follow The Ashes. If you aren't already a convert, I recommend giving it a try.

A tiny bit of housekeeping – thank you to Deano for filling in for me so well last week, and thank you to Guest Diary for a lovely tribute to my late father. And, if you know a non-GTFC fan, reach out to them. It may be the only meaningful human contact they have all year. Bless you.