Cod Almighty | Diary
Come on, be a miner!
21 July 2023
Well, this is a first. A GTFC team of sorts is currently playing as I actually write these words. I would give you updates on the game, against Port Vale in the literal cauldron of Alicante, but I won't because I couldn't give a rat's ass.
Pre-season friendlies mean little when they are at BP in front of a bunch of footy-starved stripy fans; when they are on foreign soil in foreign temperatures they mean absolutely nothing. Once again we are playing in the two hour/four quarters format, rendering any claimed result ridiculous. Let's face it, it's a team bonding trip and a chance to escape constant drizzle, and good luck to them. The home game against Lincoln on Tuesday night is where the fun starts and we might be able to use our skill and judgment to start making inferences about the season ahead.
If you think the job of a CA diarist is tough in the summer months, you have to feel sorry for the Telewag journalists who have to keep the pan on simmer for two months with, essentially, nothing to write about. A signing gives them a chance to interview the new boy and have him say that it's a great club and he's looking forward to the challenge and that he likes to get on the scoresheet when he can. In between signings it's back to "Hurst Expecting a Tough Challenge" or "Players are Ready to Go" or "Dave Moore Expects Injuries at Some Stage". They don't have the luxury of suddenly changing the subject like we diarists do, otherwise you'd get the following.
"Hurst: There's All to Play For."
Grimsby Town manager Paul Hurst says he is looking forward to the new season, though he is expecting a challenge with so many big clubs joining the second division this year. With high-spending Wrexham expected to make a major impact, and local rivals Notts County being promoted into the league alongside them, there will be plenty of competition for Hurst's new-look squad. Incidentally, when you book a ticket for the theatre, what is an 'administration cost' and why do we have to pay it? Why don't they just add it to the price of the ticket? What are we paying for anyway if not the administration? And when did it become acceptable to phone a big company and have to wait 20 minutes for them to answer the phone? Why do we put up with this nonsense? And, while I'm on, why are people still asking Sinead O'Connor what she thinks about things when she had one hit, a cover version, in 1992 or whenever it was? "Some of the teams have got a much bigger budget than ours," said Hurst, "but all we can do is take it one game at a time and give it everything we have. The new lads are a good bunch who have settled in well so I’m quietly optimistic."
Although my sympathy for the Telewag journalists dissolves when I realise they get paid and we don't, so nuts to them. They can carry on writing things like "Hurst Says Good Start is Vital" and being grateful they don't have to work down a mine. Ooh, mines. That reminds me of something. I'll come back to that.
England are doing well in the latest Ashes test but it will probably be a draw because of shitty weather. Tomorrow the Lionesses play their first game of the 2023 world Cup against Haiti, who I'm told have a five foot four goalkeeper, so I would imagine chipping or lobbing might be a favoured policy. Right, that's the other sport dealt with.
One last thing. When watching ITV footy with Derek Dougan back in the twentieth century, I distinctly remember adverts trying to get people into the mining industry by portraying it in a glamorous way. "Come on be a miner, live the life you know you want to lead!" went the soundtrack as the advert showed a bunch of miners, covered in coal dust, smiling, playing golf and hanging out at the swimming pool with women in bikinis. Everyone I mention this to looks at me as though I've already left the room, and probably discuss the possibility of an intervention as soon as I'm out of earshot. Please confirm this happened, somebody, or I shall start to doubt my own sanity even more than I do now.
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