Cod Almighty | Diary

Words like silent raindrops fall

2 August 2023

Well?

Well?

Well just when are they going to tell us what's going off out there?

The topless and naked Pontoon is the talk of the Town, but from the all-new-singing-and-dancing Superbly Newer Than New Official Site© we have the echoing sound of complete silence.

Will it be open or just open to the elements? Sort it Stockitts. Words! Answers! Now!

Your Deviant Dairy, like Arthur Daley, he's all right. As a member of the Guardian-eating-yoghurt-reading elite, my matchday uniform has long been a long coat and sturdy umbrella, ideal for those cold and rainy days travelling the land. The seat called home is nicely tucked up at the top of the Pontoon Stand (the greatest in the land), where the wind howls and many scowl. Not everyone is so lucky. Other people in the lower seats, they can't rattle their jewellery, they'll get very wet. We, the people, need to know whether to get the old parka down from the loft.

I had a blue one with a furry hood. Very snug, fantastic for the ears. I once turned down someone's drive rather than into school. You see you can't see much when your hood's up. It's a vision thing.

Come on Town, have the vision to speak truth to empower the masses to decide what to wear for the new season. Yes, I have a bee in me bonnet, dear Liza.
All we hear from Little Paulie Chuckles is that we need to be ruthless! Ruthless! We need to be more ruthless. Ruthless, not roofless, as 67.65% of the Town on-line support immediately punned.

I love a good pun, preferably with a cream filling and topped with chocolate icing, but there's always someone who walks beyond the line of acceptable word buffoonery. Back when we young, so much younger than today, 40% of your diary team would roam the peripheral pubbery of North East Lincolnshire in search of quiet drinking life. A peripheral acquaintance, a man so peripheral to our island story he prefers ruggerby and wears 'personality' waistcoats, was that stereotrite. At closing time, especially in The Crows Nest, the publican's plaintiff cry of "Glasses please" was met with the immediate removal of this peacock's spectacles. And what a spectacle it was as it never failed to get…a reaction.

Some things still cause a mental scarring, a Pavlovian response, many decades later. Much like glimpsing Mike Lyons on The Big Match Revisited.

As we count down to the ecstasy of another new season, a new hope, we've had a club open day full of smiley kids, a team photo and tantalising glimpses of the bald Pontoon.

Yeah, still no flamin' news about anything. How are my tomatoes going to grow without sunlight. Climate change is ruining my world of vegetables.