Cod Almighty | Diary

Three stoats on the shirt

15 September 2023

Before we get onto the Wrexham clash – is there any football game now that can't be described as a 'clash'? – I'm just checking you've seen the incident with ex-Town man Luke Summerfield last Saturday? He was sent off in the Halifax vs Southend clash after he and the referee waved gentle and confused arms at each other like two old men getting tangled up in a public swimming pool. The red card has now been overturned, but the footage lives on, and I for one can't make any sense of it. Funny old game.

So, Wrexham. I don’t know if you know this, but Wrexham have been taken over by two men from HOLLYWOOD who are in FILMS AND SHIT which makes them MUCH MORE INTERESTING than any other football club in the world. Not being a movie buff or caring much about that type of thing, I wouldn't recognise either of them if they sat next to me in a bus shelter, but apparently it is terribly important and endlessly fascinating. This is now Wrexham's world and the rest of us just live in it, pretty much like the NPCs in Witcher 3. Can our young reader confirm that this sentence made sense, please? I may have overstepped the boundaries of my knowledge there somewhat.

They have a very ordinary manager and play very ordinary football, but this doesn't matter because – ooooooh - glamour. There is a broader point. I've always thought that reasonably big clubs in the non-league or fourth division are a great buy for the speculative investor. Surely it's like buying shares at their lowest point – shares that can only go up? Teams with big attendances are pretty much certain to climb the leagues at some stage, just as tinpot teams like Forest Green are certain to go down. If you want me to use this in-depth analysis to manage your personal finances, dear reader, I am happy to do so for a small commission. What could possibly go wrong? Warning. Football clubs can go down as well as up. Might involve investing in Scunthorpe United. Your savings and sanity may be put at risk.

You don't need me to tell you that we have a recent history of pissing on Wrexham's fish, which adds a little spice to the proceedings. I'd really like to dislike Wrexham, but many of their fans seem a very decent bunch of people, and they speak and act professionally off the pitch. As previous diarists have pointed out, our current league position and form are still being weighed in the balance. Is it a good start? Sort of. Is it a great start? Not really. Is it a bad start? Not really. You get the drift. We're just floating in the centre of a public swimming pool waving our arms about like Luke Summerfield.

I know people who are going to the Wrexham clash purely for taunting purposes, and play-offs may be mentioned. Which is all very well but we could really do with winning this. Focus!

As usual, best of luck to those invading Wales tomorrow. Wales is, of course, represented by a dragon, whereas England is represented by lions. Neither make much sense, as dragons are fictional and lions are very unlikely to be seen in England unless they escape from a circus and roam up and down Victoria Street looking for victims. Logically, Wales should have a squirrel or something and England should have a stoat or a badger. Do you think countries that actually do have lions, like South Africa, have flags with stoats on them? Of course not. Come on England and Wales. Sort yourselves out. I forgot where I was going with this.

Oh yes, come on Town, three points please. Ta.