Cod Almighty | Diary

Cheltenham still haven't scored

4 October 2023

Paul Hurst was frank last night in the aftermath of the Mariners' 2-1 win over Barrow. The "worst performance of the season, and by some distance" was an assessment that no one is going to counter. Daubney Diary can't remember being as frustrated during a game that yielded three points but with the only style coming in the form of Kamil Conteh's long-sleeved shirt. 

The result wasn't a case of abandoning footballing principles to win ugly through graft and determination, not that there wasn't plenty of the latter. The reality was we were pummeled by a Barrow team who amassed a ridiculous 21 shots on goal and could have won by five or six. Quicker and more skillful throughout, a combination of luck, Jake Eastwood, and our defence's willingness to put body parts in the line of fire restricted them to a single goal. 

Hurst and other calm heads will consider the football luck ledger in balance again after the Swindon game but Daubney is struggling to do likewise. As reported in *checks notes* the Offaly Express, the gaffer used "groundhog day" to sum up Saturday's defeat. Unfortunately there was more than a whiff of déjà vu about last night's performance as well. The outing was an amorphous blob without obvious intent, of the type seen so often at home last season. Town looked like they'd gone to Asda for the weekly big shop without their list; they wandered aisles at random, dawdled in the DVD section, and almost fell into a chest freezer reaching for the last box of fish fingers.

Eleven games in and we're bobbing about in the familiar surroundings of 16th in division four. Daubney's a fan of Paul Hurst. For the success he has brought, the teams he has built, for the honesty and humour evident in his post-match interview. The challenge for him is to get Town playing with a swagger and style that we haven't seen enough of during his tenures. He can do it, we've seen it in non-league, and glimpses of it in the league. Gillingham this season, Altrincham away in 2021, Luton away in 2016 and others show what he can do. Injuries haven't helped this season, but then they never do. But we need the real Paul Hurst and his team to stand up.

The crowd at Blundell Park dropped below five thousand last night. It would suggest the Hurst doubters are growing in number. Tactics like the Parslowovian swapping of Maher for Khan when under the cosh last night will be held against him. Daubney's own axe to grind comes in the form of our kick-offs and the punt to the opposition full-back. Every. Single. Time. Regular readers (my mum, basically) will know I'm not impressed by UEFA badges. Suspicions that they are like the certificates four-year olds get for "graduating" playschool were all but confirmed when Wayne Rooney was spotted brandishing one.

A more objective piece of evidence is employing tactics that have your goalkeeper passing it three yards to a centre-back with an opponent lodged in his rear orifice while encouraging your most skillful players to kick for touch from halfway like they're playing rugby union. Then there's the awful relic from the Sladassic era of bringing everyone back to defend corners. The futility of this was again evident last night as cleared corners just spawned wave after wave of attack.

These aren't the trademarks of a successful team. One who respects the opposition but not as much as their own strengths in attack and defence. A team that plays with recognisable purpose and intent. One capable of caaarving opponents apaaart with imagination and skill. In short, Paul, like Mulder and latterly Scully, we want to believe. We just need you to sort it.

On to Tranmere we go. UTM.