Cod Almighty | Diary

In one move he went from John Craven to John Braven

20 October 2023

Someone, somehow, seems to have wandered off the script.

What was supposed to happen was this: medium-sized club, languishing in the doldrums for years, finally gets rid of illiterate, dodgy local discarded Thunderbird-puppet chairman and is taken over by cool, groovy people who call everybody by their first names and write coherently for the right, i.e. left, newspapers. Manager gets them back into the league at first attempt after thrilling play-off triumph. The next season they make a decent showing in the fourth division and engage in a remarkable FA cup run that takes them to the quarter finals for the first time since dinosaurs roamed the West Marsh.

With the cup money, and the ground packed every week, the manager is able to spend cash on the players he wants for the first time in years. Early season form is pretty good and some of the new players are clearly a cut above what the club has been used to. The team gels and improves and by the time the autumn storms come the club are riding high with enthusiasm and support from the faithful fans unwavering, and the town are united as one in backing the new owners and the new team and the old manager who, previously derided by many as being stubborn and defensive, is finally able to loosen the schackles and put some swaz on it.

That was what was supposed to happen. Did you see the Accrington match? My word. Yet, if we had taken a couple of very simple chances the outcome might have been quite different. That's why its worth not giving up yet. This division is utterly insane.

Look at Forest Green. Six straight defeats followed by a 5-0 victory. Look at Sutton. Thirteen games in and 30 goals conceded, a run of misery pleasantly interrupted by a 4-0 victory against top-half Walsall. Doubtless the division will be sprinkled with other examples of madness that will reward and astonish those prepared to search for them.

Before the season started I wrote that many games in this division are decided by luck, Brownian motion, referees and other non-negotiable factors. I stand by that. Most of the players in this division have played for lots of clubs in it. They may as well put balls representing all the fourth division players in a bag before the season starts and get Garth Crooks to make the draw. Ooh, that's nice, we've got a Wrexham defender and a Walsall midfielder. I wonder how good they are? Probably about as good as everyone else in this division.

At the moment, things aren't going well and to put the tin hat on it tomorrow we visit league leaders Stockport County in massively unpleasant weather conditions. Just what we need.

After that we have a run of teams at the bottom. They will be the acid, or litmus, test. Whichever one you prefer. If I had to nail my proverbials to the mast I would say that I've always liked Paul Hurst as a person, but never really warmed to him as a football manager. If he managed a cricket team he could have Michael Holding and Joel Garner at his disposal and then bowl Vic Marks all day to try and keep the run rate down. Sorry non-cricket fans or young people. That will make sense to some readers. I keep harking back to my and Retro's insistence that success for teams at our level is all about momentum. You'll never get momentum with a Paul Hurst team because if he sees any momentum he will smother it with a wet towel.

Sometimes, in sport as in life, you just have to put your doubts behind you and be brave. Remember where Stockport were a few years ago and bear in mind how things can change for the better.

That's the pep talk over; good luck to the stripey storm chasers braving Britain's mad motorways tomorrow and let's hope for the best.