Cod Almighty | Diary

Danger not over!

15 March 2024

BOTB here. Hello everybody.

Firstly I’d like to apologise to Stockport County. I admit that at 8.30 last night I referred to them as a ‘bunch of useless cockwombles who’ll always let you down.’ I would now like to acknowledge that they are not entirely useless and are indeed capable of showing fighting spirit. I would also like to wish them the best of luck in their forthcoming games against Forest Green and Sutton. Love ya!

Moving on, there is of course a well known device that can tell an optimist from a pessimist with the minimum of expense and trouble, this being of course a glass of water at 50% capacity. Recently it occurred to me that a league table is also good at sorting the Negative Nellies from the Positive Peters. An optimist will look at the table and say something along the lines of "ooh, only three points behind Salford with two games in hand! We can catch them!" I look at the table, assume we will lose at Gillingham and the Greenies will beat Sutton, then start wild imaginings about the Colchester United Water Polo team winning every game in hand including five in the last week of the season when their pitch finally de-sponges.

To be honest I’d probably be a happier person if I signed on for the Positive Peter squad but I just can’t find the strength to do it in my crumbling, miserable grey-marrowed Grimsby bones. To me, the glass is not only half-empty but evidence of water shortages caused by global warming and associated drought.

Cheered you up? No? Anyway, tomorrow off we go to Kent, the Garden of England, but only if your garden is full of shitty houses and has a huge fuck-off motorway running through it. Gillingham sacked their manager early in the season when in a play-off place, and are now below the play-off places, so well done to them. We are slightly above them in the form table, but as discussed in many of my diaries I think this means nothing in the division of deflections and dire refs. I watched the highlights of Bradford and Forest Green - on the surface a straightforward 2-0 victory to the Greenies – and to be honest anything could have happened. The Greenies scored a header in the first minute, then seemed to spend the rest of the match hacking the ball off their own muddy goal line. In the last minute Bradford threw everybody forward except for one defender, who managed to fall over when Forest Green cleared it up the pitch and gifted the visitors a second. So many games in this division are like this; dependent mainly on richochets, and the two almost identical twins Luck and Pluck.

The good news is that our fighting spirit and defensive organisation has served us well over the last few games. If the Greenies hadn’t suddenly found a similar winning spirit at the same time we would now be home and dry on a pig’s back. Was my father the only person in the world to say that? It was very noticeable how, against Franchise, the fans awoke from their slumbers and gave the players some energy. This is because a Town crowd wants to see commitment and bravery, and if it sees it, it will match it. This is why Kieran Green will always get a good reception from the Grimsby crowd even if, as I’m sure he’d be the first to admit, he sometimes lacks the nuanced touch of a Messi or a Ronaldo. Danny Rose is a great player but if he had the same skill without the same desire and commitment he wouldn’t be half as popular as he is with the striped faithful.

Every game at this time of the season is a biggie. The Spring fixtures at the business end of the fourth division aren't a place for the weak of heart, and of course best of luck to all those hitting Kent tomorrow. Doubtless this will include lots of southern-based Mariners who don’t get to see a lot of their heroes during the season. Give the Jolly Jillers, as they like to be called, some grief and let’s get safe.

UTM!