Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

29 April 2024

A warm afternoon and a small crowd. There were huge holes in the Town support with the Lower Stones/Findus/Smiths sparsely populated. The Upper sections were about one third full. The players warmed up in their usual way and there was no discernible pre-match entertainment. An air of disinterest hung over Blundell Park. Oh, and there is a new drummer in the Pontoon, with a nice new snare drum. He can play it a lot better than the previous bloke, though there is a distinct whiff of the boys brigade band about it – I half expected a kazoo to start up with the theme from Top of the Form.

Town lined up in a strange 4-3-1-2 formation as follows: Coyne, McDermott, Groves, Raven, D Smith, Black, Coldicott, Pouton, Jeffrey, Livingstone and Allen. The subs were Croudson, Butterfield, Chapman, Clare and Handyside (hurrah). Groves played at centre-back with Raven. The centre three (who played very close together) were Black, Coldicott and Pouton. Jeffrey moved about between the midfield and the two strikers (Livingstone and Allen). The new manager started the match in the directors' box, not on the bench.

First half
Town kicked off towards the Osmond Stand with great gusto. The first minute saw Town players really get stuck in with some fine movement off the ball. After a couple of thrusts had been repelled the ball ended up with McDermott, about five yards inside the town half underneath the Stones/Findus/Smiths Stand. He knocked the ball over the Gillingham defence into their penalty area, on their left. The goalkeeper half came off his line to collect the overhit pass, then realised that Livingstone's pace had left him unmarked and closer to the ball. As the ball dropped, Livingstone stuck out a leg and delicately volleyed the ball over the keeper into the far right corner of the net. Of course he meant it! One minute gone and one nil to Town. The crowd was, of course, delighted, though most had hardly seen the goal as they were still chatting to each other and they, like the Gillingham defence, had not 'settled'.

Town had completely overrun Gillingham in the opening minute and the crowd looked forward to an entertaining goalfest. Yeah, right. This is still Town. After a couple more Town surges, which led to nothing more than a couple of throw-ins and a easy catch for the keeper, Gillingham should have equalised. A breakaway down the Town left saw Groves outpaced and turned. The ball was whipped in from the Town left to the near post where a Gillingham player, from five yards out, sliced a volley a couple of yards wide and high. Town had been warned previously as Asaba had shown that he was both faster and stronger than the Town centre-backs when chasing a long ball.

Asaba proved to be a huge problem for the Town centre-backs, running them ragged in the first half and requiring two markers. Raven got himself booked when Hessenthaler ran through the centre of the park, knocked the ball past Raven and then ran into him (as Raven stepped across to rugby tackle him). Fifteen minutes later Groves was booked for complaining that Asaba had held his shirt when they ran for a ball over the top. Asaba had, but then proceeded to sprint into the right side of the Town area, get to very close to the bye-line and side foot a shot just wide of Coyne's left-hand post. The angle was so narrow that the ball went out for a Town throw-in.

These two incidents give a glimpse of the problems Town were encountering. They were beginning to be overrun in midfield and outpaced in defence. Alarmingly huge holes were appearing everywhere in the Town team. In attacking Town never had any width, they relied on McDermott ALL the time to provide width and an outlet, and were horribly misshapen. Everyone seemed to be down the centre, with Coldicott, Pouton and Black virtually standing on each others toes. The effect of this was to stunt attacks and, when possession was relinquished, leave the defence exposed.

Gillingham always had two players free on the right-hand side, with only McDermott to stop them. After 15 minutes they seemed to cotton on to this and started to concentrate attacks down that flank. In the centre of defence Groves and Raven were unable to match Asaba's pace and aggression, leaving them floundering when Gillingham whacked (and even sometimes passed) the ball 'over the top', or 'down the channels'. Gillingham always seemed to pick up the loose balls in midfield, advancing through the gaps with ease. Whenever Gillingham attacked, their players invariably had time and space in the penalty area. Similarly, Town left them unmarked beyond the back post at free kicks, corners and open play. It is difficult to think of an area of the pitch where Town didn't leave gaps. Town were a total shambles. A disorganised rabble.

Gillingham only had 10 players for a 10-minute period after their big number 4 assaulted Livingstone's elbow with his forehead. They still appeared to have more players on the pitch than Town.

Town's only 'chances' in the first half were when Allen twisted and turned on the edge of the area and scuffed a shot through a thicket of players from 20 yards. The shot went straight to the keeper with little power. Five minutes from the end of the half a rather aimless punt into the penalty area bounced very high and nearly went over the keeper, who dropped the ball but caught it as he fell backwards. That's it.

Allen peeled away at the far post when Black swung over a free kick from the left. He was momentarily free just beyond the far post, but he stood on the ball as he attempted to control it. Chance gone. I have a vague recollection of couple of crosses causing a bit of thrashing around in the centre of the Gillingham defence, and an Allen reverse pass which nearly sent Jeffrey through, but nothing came of these moments.

Gillingham should really have scored two or three in the first half. After a quarter of an hour, a corner from the Town right was swung in to about seven or eight yards out, just to the left of centre. A centre-half came steaming in and headed powerfully but, fortunately, straight at Coyne. Coyne just threw himself towards the player (Hope), the ball hit him and was bundled away.

Another scramble in the Town box saw the ball roll out to the edge of the box where their big number 4 smacked a swirling drive from 25 yards. Coyne tipped the shot over, from a central position. Groves nearly scored an own goal when twisting and flicking a dinked cross away from a couple of on rushing Gillingham players. It was very, very close to the top left-hand corner of Coyne's goal. There were numerous occasions when Gillingham burst forward with three against two and four against three. Town were lucky that either a defender would make a desperate last second block, or Gillingham players would fail to look up. I particularly remember a couple of terrific sliding blocks by Raven on the edge of the box, and a couple of McDermott tidy ups near the far post.

The best player by far was Andy Hessenthaler, who was everywhere. He tricked all the defenders (apart from McDermott) into giving away free kicks around the edge of the box, and cleverly ensured Raven was booked. He was astute enough to time his forward runs, and to run into the vacant spaces on the centre left and right (where, formerly, Donovan and D Smith would have been providing cover).

Despite being totally overrun by a more organised team, Town somehow managed to go in at half time leading. The applause and cheers were of relief, rather than appreciation. The principle reaction in the Pontoon seemed to be raised eyebrows and thumbs down. The formation was a disaster (apart from the first minute) and a better team than Gillingham (and aren't they all in this division) would have be three or four up by half time. Lennie Lawrence descended from the directors box after about 30 minutes. He spent the rest of the game stood on the touchline bellowing at the team. His principle instruction appeared to be "push up", though all that did was encourage Gillingham to knock the ball over the top, thus utilising Asaba's pace and exposing (the already-booked) Groves and Raven.

Jeffrey had a very effective first minute. Thereafter he was Donovanesque in his contribution. Oh and Pouton was abysmal in every way. Shocking. Positively shocking.

It had been awful. We hoped that the manager would have an effective 15 minute 'chat' with the players and change the formation.

Second half
No changes were made by either team at half time, which included tactics and formation.

After 30 seconds Livingstone nearly scored again. Once more Town 'created' danger with an aimless punt high over the defence to the right edge of the Gillingham penalty box. A defender headed weakly back to the keeper, failing to spot lightning Livvo, who moved forward and twisted as he attempted to poke the ball wide of the keeper. He did succeed in poking the ball wide of the keeper, but also the post. And very, very slowly. Forget about any Town attacks for the next half hour – there weren't any.

Gillingham immediately went up the other end and nearly scored, though I can't remember exactly what happened. It involved Hessenthaler twisting and turning on the Town right and whipping over a cross. The 15 minutes after half time were, as far as Town were concerned, still ropey. Gillingham had the ball more and the play was generally down at the Osmond end. The only real threat to Town (apart from the usual corners and free kicks which continue to throw the team into panic) was a break down the Town right where Gillingham got into the penalty area, around the corner of the box and threw over a cross to the far post. The first header was blocked, there was a bit of a scramble and the ball flew out to the right again. The ball was eventually crossed back to the unmarked Asaba, about 10 yards out right in the centre of goal. He headed firmly, but straight at Coyne. There were two Gillingham players totally unmarked within 10 yards of the goal.

The first Town substitution was on the hour, with Butterfield replacing Jeffrey. This resulted in Town reverting to 4-4-2, with Butterfield at wide right. There were a lot less holes. The game was poor, but Town were less poor than before. They reached a sort of negative equality with the mighty Gills. After another 10 minutes Allen was replaced by Clare. From this moment Town became an attacking force, though Clare didn't himself do much that was memorable. Maybe it was his presence and differing style that changed the impetus.

Town's first shot on goal came around the time Clare came on. Pouton drifted into space about 20 yards out, right in the centre. His right-footed drive went low, a yard wide of the keeper's right-hand post. In the 74th minute Town produced their best move of the match (probably the only fluid, flowing move). Butterfield advanced down the right after intercepting a half clearance down the line. He passed to Livingstone who moved into the area and worked the ball back to Butterfield, who crossed to the far post. The cross was slightly overhit and Black, about six yards past the far post, controlled the ball and returned a hanging cross to a position about 15 yards out, to the left of centre. Butterfield ran in and hit a right-foot volley a foot past the keeper's right-hand post. The keeper and defenders were all rooted to the ground, merely watching and hoping the ball would go wide.

Before the goal kick was taken Black was replaced by Chapman. You may think the logical thing to do would be to put Chapman at left-back and D Smith at left-midfield. Chapman played left-midfield with D Smith staying at the back. Town thus had two full-backs in midfield.

At about this time Gillingham started to up the pace and they nearly scored from a corner. The ball was whacked to the back post and, from about 10 yards out, a defender headed powerfully towards the goal. Coyne flipped the ball away for another corner. The header was, fortunately for Town, sent quite centrally. The alternative view is that Coyne positioned himself perfectly.

The fact that Gillingham were pressing forward meant that spaces were now appearing in their defence. In the 82nd minute McDermott whipped in a cross to the far post where Livingstone, unmarked, and about seven yards out, headed back across the face of the goal but softly and wide. Two minutes later Livingstone chased an aimless ball down the Town left and, mark this moment, outpaced a defender. Livvo dribbled past the defender and advanced into the penalty area, very close to the bye-line. Three Town players steamed into the box, unmarked, so Livvo decided to shoot. He side footed his shot tamely into the midriff of the keeper. The Town players looked disgustedly at Livvo, especially Chapman who was particularly well placed and unmarked. Livvo looked happy – he'd found a defender slower than him (number 15, Saunders) and just to make sure it wasn't a fluke he did it again a minute or so later.

Gillingham went down the other end and nearly scored. Hessenthaler dribbled down the right wing, taking the ball out of play. No throw–in was given and he continued down to the bye-line. He whipped in a cross to somewhere near the penalty spot. Asaba jumped up and hooked a flying volley just over the bar. A couple of minutes later D Smith took on Southall, turning him towards Wonderland, then Ramsdens, then back towards Chapmans Pond. D Smith skipped happily past the confused ex-Mariner and dinked a cross to Big Ron's "back stick". Butterfield, about 12 yards out, sent in a looping header which arced over the keeper and just over the angle of the left post and bar. A very large "Ooh" followed from the crowd.

There were no more chances after this, though a few semi-amusing incidents. Town had a corner which went to the other side of the pitch and resulted in Pouton trying to waste time at the corner flag. He was fouled and, from the free kick, he tried again to keep it at the corner flag – he ended up scooping the ball out for a throw-in. A Gillingham attack was stopped by Raven on the edge of the area, he then proceeded to advance up the field taking on a couple of opposition players. I won't be surprised if this is described in various publications as a some kind of Handyside-esque display of dribbling and attacking intent. Just think of Devon Lock – a series of half tackles forcing the ball up the pitch 10 yards with Raven lunging forward each time to tackle. It was a case of the ball springing up the pitch by accident with Raven desperately doing the splits to block tackle.

After about three or four minutes, the two minutes of added time ended and Town had three points. Apart from the first minute and the last 15, Town were rotten. For three quarters of the game it was like watching them in the last days of the Laws era. Town were so fortunate they were playing a second division team. Individually no-one shone, some were terrible. Pouton's only contribution was to run around and occasionally get in Gillingham's way. He was always standing in the wrong place, and hardly ever managed to pass to a Town player. His dribbles were easily stopped and his step-overs ineffective. Raven and Groves were not so much a partnership as two blokes standing near each other…sometimes. The attack was non-existent for most of the game – for some reason Allen seemed to be furthest forward and 'the target man', with Livvo on the wing. Jeffrey was totally invisible in the second half, and an ephemeral presence in the first.

A one word description for this game? – awful.

After that performance, one would not expect to see them play 4-3-1-2 again. We don't want a Ted Rogers formation. That way lies Dusty Bin.

Man of the Match: John McDermott – did the work of two, possibly three, men and, as usual, covered for other people's mistakes.