Cod Almighty | Diary

If six turned out to be nine

30 May 2024

Here we are again! Your Guest Diarist greets you well breakfasted on fried new potatoes. Having spent the last month eating pakoras, gobis, roasted, cheesed, souped and fried cauliflowers, I am now on to a new glut.

The savvy, cynical rumour mill suspects some big news will be splashed by the club any time soon to shoo in any remaining early bird waverers before the cheaper season ticket slams SHUT. I could not possibly comment being too busy finding out how tall is our latest full-back signing. A nice man who tells us he can play left-back and centre-half as well as on the right. As far as I can tell he is five-eleven and a bit. Maybe he can leap like a salmon. Think Ben Chapman. After literally hundreds of signings in the past decade it is hard to do anything other than give Tyrell a warm welcome and wait and see.

Football is a bit like veg growing - feast or famine. And the football famine is starting to hit me. I even logged on to Mariners TV early this morning to try to renew my season ticket but they haven't put a link up yet. But here is one small bombshell the club will probably not announce - the chances of a Town player featuring in the Euros has been calculated by my tame AI Bot as in the region of 0.000000000001%. I may have excitedly over-egged the zeroes. I grew up before calculators were invented and had to rely on log tables to do big sums and the school bully nicked mine in 1968. Luckily CA has a resident statistician who can handle real big data in Mark Stilton who sent us a proper graph.

Anyroad, as my one regular reader might remember, I have asked for taller stronger, faster. Maybe not as tall as Kyle Hudlin. Six-nine - but can he jump? White men can't jump, that was a film once, but I digress. Seeing Mr Hudlin rumoured reminded me of when Peter Crouch came to Blundell Park (he is only six-seven). Ha! We chortled, he's no good in the air! I think he scored though but we went on to beat Pompey 3-1 as I remember. I hope that'll do you. See yer.