Cod Almighty | Diary
Oh Cammyboy the Pyewipe is calling
21 June 2024
Your A46 Diary was going to count the number of uses of 'excited' and 'delighted' in the report on the signing of Cameron McJannet but it was a disappointingly low number, barely worth a mention and a long way from anything that might be described as a headline figure. Suffice to say, everyone's very pleased and we should be pleased and he's pleased and Derry are pleased and Artell's pleased. 'Pleased' is now used more here than either excited or delighted in the report but I'm still pleased that everyone is so excited and delighted with the signing.
In six months, Artell has signed a completely new defence - back four and keeper - all with an eye on a more entertaining style based on possession and composure. We won't know till we see, and so for now I'm most excited and delighted for a left-footed centre-half. Balance is key whatever style we are intending to play, and it looks like McJannet is going to provide that. Couple balance with the fact that he's already match fit because of Northern Ireland's footballing calendar, positive reviews of his game - 'dominant', 'good range of passing' and of course Mr Target Demographic Diary's friend's 'dreamboat' - and we may have a new hero on our hands. As I understand it, Danny Rose was also a key factor in the signing as he feels that he's getting a bit long in his twinkling teeth to shoulder the dreamboat yoke all on his own. Here's to dashing chaps in dashing strips making a dash at the title!
England are, of course, failing to dash. As always, hope had sprung - eternally, doggedly, frustratingly, blindly, creating the biennial crisis of faith and a fresh War in Heaven - that our boys will be bringing it home. I suspect there's more chance of Wishy-Washy-Rishi staying in his home at Downing Street. GTFC Twitter sparkles and sputters with witty and drab comments about Hurstian football and the Parslow point. I hear more about England than I see as I've only watched their games in the tournaments for many years now, but even with that limited view I don't understand the surprise. They are a dull side that rely on the occasional flash of individual brilliance; an elite (ha ha!) version of Town in the giddy autumn of 2023, that naive time of hope, when Eisa papered over our cracks. England's cracks are deep-shadowed fissures in the full glare of the world's media, yet we are told that Gareth Hurst is the only option.
I don't understand the easy ride he gets. This was the country of the Taylor turnip, the country that turned against Hoddle, the country that made Saint Bobby the original sinner. Now, we are the country that somehow manages to shrug its waist-coated shoulders and still get angry-drunk before sleeping for the two years between each tournament and then waking to another bright new dawn and complaining when the hangover that we thought we'd escaped kicks in at eleven o'clock. We glare and blare at our friends and colleagues like devils still chained to the fiery lake after the fall of Satan. Like the football England play, it doesn't make much sense.
A little like the lack of the critical success that Donald Sutherland received. I was sad to hear of his death. He was a face throughout my formative years, and while Don't Look Now will always be his standout, I'll always remember Kelly's Heroes and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Snatchers has always been and always will be the perfect metaphor for the detriment of a football club's (and, I suppose, a national side's) ability to ensnare and control us. Picture the last scene of the film: Sutherland's face, mouth wide, screaming a siren call, clawed hand reaching out, and put a GTFC badge on his coat.
And to finish on GTFC having an unreasonable control of our lives and attention, your A46 diary was pleased, excited and delighted to learn something new from the McJannet transfer: Derry City's nickname is the Candy Stripes. That's a lovely name and one we should embrace. Changing our kit every year means we could have a new identity each year, a modern monicker with its finger on our aesthetic pulse, an annual identity that could snatch us away from our otherwise dreary lives. With our latest strip we could be a trendy new sweet and sour combination, a footballing salted caramel, if you will. For this season only we can be the Chili Humbugs. For a more nautical theme, I can only think of the Bell Pepper Fish Skins, and that's not good at all. Chili Humbugs it is. See you next week!