Cod Almighty | Diary

Late of Pablo Fanque's Fair, what a scene

3 October 2024

After the glory performance that was Tuesday night in Kent, here comes Thursday with your Guest Diarist still grinning broadly at southerners walking their dogs in the fens who cannot abide strangers greeting them. We only came for the cheap housing stop making eye contact and why are there not more street lights in the countryside?

One of the great Town away nights was captured for posterity in Tony Butcher's fulsome dripping prose. You can read it here. If you already did, then read it again to top up your endolphins. Only southerners have endorphins - if you are a southern exile head north to Blundell Park on Saturday to top up your endolphins - a splendid time is guaranteed for all.

I watched the match in bed, retiring at 7-30 in smoking jacket and with a pint mug of steaming double-strength cocoa. Think Jack Hawkins in The Cruel Sea when he got home after the war. Imagine my delight when Martin Gritton was the co-commentator! Such an articulate, funny good-egg bloke who knows his football. The other bloke tried to say all the right things in the right places and was armed with plenty of pre-prepared stats and soundbites. The podcast generation probably loved him. But I was brought up on radio personalities. And personality has gone missing. From Charles Ekberg through John Moore and Roly Godfrey to good old George Kerr, JT and Burnsy - the lineage is dying out. The common threads were personality, a comic turn of phrase, gallows humour and a deep abiding love of Town. Like Lincolnshire dialect local radio seems to have got lost in a sea of bland words. Come on BBC, swallow your faux outrage and let us listeners have JT and Burnsy back as a double act now'n'agen!

Speaking of football radio personalities I have to mention Stuart Hall. Yes I know we have to cancel twats like him but this paragraph was straight out of his overblown but slightly glorious verbal playbook (but without the horrible connotations):

Ah, the mouse that roared. A Humeless space, Nevitt knitted a cardigan around McJannet and roaring Rodgers raised the Thames Barrier. Clarke cantered past Cass and Nevitt the Nitwit hurtled afore Hume to knock-knee high into the emptiness from but five of the English yards from Valhalla. How soft your fields of green.

But nothing could besmirch this match. Two decent teams going at it hammer and tongs. Mr Artell called it right all night. From the lineup and formation to the brilliant use of subs. A new keeper who made as big and immediate an impression as when we loaned Dave Beasant. Centre halves who were as hard as nails and imperious all night. With 50s throwback Doug Tharme to come on to steer us calmly through the dying minutes. Full backs who played to the Artell plan. A young midfield who have become men this last month and will take some dislodging from the first team when the injured return. Pestering wingers, tireless strikers. And then there was Green. Green who has taken on the Pouton playbook and notched it up a ratchet or two. We need to savour this one for a long time.

There was even a comedy moment. CA has added it to the list of things we love to see at matches. Add your suggestions here.

Can't wait for Sat'day - still tickets available in the Osmond. See yer.