Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

15 October 2024

A warm day at formerly fractious Fratton Park, with a pleasant cooling breeze blowing into the Town supporters. As usual we were placed in the open end behind the goal to the right as you view from television. The Town support totalled about 120-150 and was in a generally quiet mood.

The players warmed up for the game in their usual haphazard way, a few played keepy-uppy, some ran around on their own, others stood in the shade. After the first XI went back inside the subs and unused players (Buckley and Chapman) stayed out and practised shooting at Croudson. Their attempts were pathetic until the supporters started taking the mickey. Then, suddenly, they started to score. Why can't the big boys respond like that in the real games?

Our pre-match entertainment was the band of the Royal Marines in full uniform playing some old standards. For a moment I was transported back to Queen Elizabeth Road, Humberston, front room, May 1975, the Cup final, half time, Frank Bough: "and now let's have some music…."

Town lined up in a highly unusual formation, 4-5-1, as follows: Coyne, McDermott, Gallimore, Livingstone, Raven, Donovan, Coldicott, Groves, Pouton, D Smith and Jeffrey. The substitutes were Croudson, Black, Butterfield, Clare and Allen. No-one was playing in Black's hole, the extra man in midfield was entirely defensive. Coldicott played just in front of the back four, with Groves and Pouton playing five yards in front of him, thus forming a little triangle in the middle of the park. Jeffrey ran around on his own up front, the idea seemed to be that Groves and Pouton took it in turns to support him. Livvo and Raven were still the centre-backs and slimline Tony returned at left-back.

Portsmouth were exactly what you'd expect from Tony Pulis: 4-4-2, big, strong, direct. They had two huge centre-halves (Moore and Primus – a man with triangular boots) and Mills and Bradbury up front. So it was mostly hustle and bustle, balls in the box, long throws and corners. The referee and linesman wore exactly the same kit as the Portsmouth goalkeeper, including the same shade of green for their shirts. Odd.

1st half
Town kicked off away from their own supporters, though in reality they kicked off and went backwards towards us, eventually kicking the ball out for a throw-in to Portsmouth. Nothing much happened in the first 15 minutes, Town rarely had the ball for more than 10 seconds. The longest passing movement was three (which includes a Groves tackle to win the ball which went to Coldicott) and we didn't get anywhere near the Portsmouth penalty box. Jeffrey was having a difficult time as the referee was keen to give free kicks against him for 'backing in', but loathe to award one to Town for him being manhandled, kicked and generally roughed up.

Town were doing alright in a destructive way, with Coldicott especially playing superbly to stop Portsmouth players infiltrating the space between our defenders and midfield. The nearest Pompey got to Town's goal was when Livvo wildly sliced a clearance, about 25 yards out to the left of goal. It looped high in the air towards Coyne, with Lee Mills haring in and leaping at Coyne. Our custard-coloured custodian managed to punch the ball away from inside his six-yard box.

Within another couple of minutes Portsmouth had their only chance of the first half. Some slack defending on the left by Gallimore allowed a Portsmouth player to nip in front of him, stop the ball rolling out for a goal kick and cross. Mills, about 10 yards out to the right of centre, jumped higher than Raven, but headed a couple of yards over the bar.

There were very few moments of danger for Town in the first half, most were self-inflicted. The most worrying was when Raven underhit a back pass and a forward sprinted up to Coyne, who sliced the ball out for a throw-in. The only other pressure he was put under was when a corner was floated into the near post and he had to punch the ball away (not cleanly) when virtually under the crossbar. The Portsmouth fans got extremely excited by one cross from their left which curled slowly to Raven's head, with no Portsmouth player near. I am still trying to work out why they got excited, perhaps they were being ironic. Coyne even caught a cross.

Town were moribund as an attacking force for the first 20 minutes. Their contribution to the weekend's excitement was, by that time, limited to a couple of crosses from D Smith which went to Portsmouth players at the far post, with no Town players near. After about 20 minutes Town had a passing move down the right, started by Coldicott winning a tackle in midfield. Donovan ran across the defence with the ball and it was played up to Jeffrey. Under pressure, the ball rolled back to a huge gap in the middle of the park about 30 yards out, to the right of centre. Gallimore woke up, ambled forward and sliced a drive 20 yards to the left of goal.

After another 10 minutes or so Town had what, in the context of this game, shall be called a "spell of intense pressure", during which Jeffrey picked up a loose ball 25 yards out, swivelled and hit a right-foot drive to the right of the Pompey keeper. The keeper comfortably plucked the ball from under the crossbar. A minute later, again after a passing move down the Town left, the ball was released to Gallimore, about 40 yards out. He advanced 10 yards into a large gap and dragged a weak shot across the goal, about 10 yards wide. Well, getting closer Mr T.

Gallimore had been struggling defensively, being badly positioned frequently. He was too often standing in between Portsmouth players and watching them pass the ball around and past him. After 36 minutes he was taken off and replaced by Butterfield, who played the rest of the game at left-back.

With about five minutes to go to half time Pouton, eventually, did something positive. He surged forward 15 yards from an inside-right position and drove in a low, fast shot, which went low, hard, but straight at the keeper. And that was all the action on the first half. Town had successfully negated Portsmouth and hinted at danger in attack (we had more shots on goals, if less possession). It was not particularly attractive football, but effective. So effective that the Portsmouth fans booed their team off the pitch. The big difference to Town was the return of Coldicott who was everywhere he needed to be, always popping up to dispossess or block when required. He had a calmness and authority about him and looked a very safe pair of feet.

Apart from the clearly spatially unaware Gallimore, and the invisible jellyfish that was Donovan, everyone else had played competently and professionally in the first half. Donovan was very annoying, as he did nothing in attack and was having one of his "standing around and waving his arms" days in defence, like an ineffective scarecrow. Raven had had a couple of wobbly moments, his underhit back-pass and a lovely cushioned header to lay on a shooting opportunity for Portsmouth following a free kick. Fortunately he recovered, and Coldicott came over for a double block. Generally Raven had not been too bad, winning most of the headers.

Livingstone was involved in a 'penalty incident' when Bradbury wrestled him to the ground, fell over him and claimed a penalty. Tish, arrant nonsense sir. And so agreed the referee.

The outstanding feature of the first half was the Portsmouth trumpeter, who was the most tuneless musician I have ever heard. We could tell what he was supposed to be playing as the crowd were singing along, but they weren't anywhere near the right notes. Think of a six-year-old with a brand new trumpet. Lord help us if he ever forms a duet with the Town drummer; you couldn't name that tune in 300, Tom.

2nd half
Portsmouth replaced Hughes with O'Neill, which led a Town wit to ask "Is that his name or his number?" I can't even guess at what he meant by that. Or why it was supposed to be funny.

Portsmouth stepped up the pace of their game a little and tried to play one-two behind the Town full-backs. They did start to force a lot of corners and throw-ins near the corner flag. As they had a relatively long thrower (Edinburgh) this was as good as a corner. And we all know how well Town defend from such things. Within a couple of minutes Portsmouth should have scored. A corner on the Town right was hit flat to the near post. It went through the penalty area to somewhere beyond the back post, where it was turned back along the 6-yard box to Primus. Unmarked he may have been but, as if by magic, the Butterfield appeared, and the ball ballooned off the under-utilised asset and over the bar for another corner.

For the next 30 minutes Town did not get within 30 yards of the Portsmouth goal. All the action was in the Town half and thus we small band of Townites were peering into the sun and interpreting the events from our back catalogue of "what happens when the ball goes in the air near Coyne/over the top of the defence". Portsmouth had an awful lot of corners, but rarely got a shot in. Either a Town player would make a last-ditch block, or the ball would simply skid through the penalty area. There were two or three long shots from Pompey, but they never went near the goal. One went about five yards wide and brought a big "ooh" from the Portsmouth supporters. Perhaps they were bored. It felt like it was just a matter of time before Portsmouth eventually scored from a set piece, simply through the laws of probability.

In fact, despite the constant pressure, Coyne never made a save during the entire match. The nearest he got was in the 72nd minute when, after Coldicott lost possession in midfield, Portsmouth attacked down their inside left channel. Bradbury twisted and turned the Town defenders inside the area, leaving him about eight yards out, to the left of goal near the edge of the six-yard box. Coyne came out and Livvo slid in. The result was that the shot ricocheted off one of the Town players (Livvo I think) and went out for a throw-in, about 10 yards from the corner flag on Town's right. After a brief delay, whilst Livvo was tended to by the Town physio, Edinburgh took the throw-in. He threw long and flat. It bounced high about eight or nine yards out, just inside the near post into a very large gap. Coyne dallied before coming out and trying to punch the ball away. Bradbury threw himself at man and ball. The ball seemed to come off the top of his head and gently arc over Coyne into the centre of the net. It looked a very, very silly goal from 120 yards away.

Three or four minutes later Jeffrey (the new 'tireless') and Coldicott were replaced by Allen and Clare. Thus Town changed to the normal 4-4-2 formation. Town started to get closer to the Portsmouth goal, with Clare and Allen actually getting into the penalty area a couple of times. Town's first attack of the second half occurred in the 80th minute when D Smith waltzed around the full-back and clipped a low flat cross to the far post. The ball hit a Portsmouth player (the extravagantly coiffured Thorgasson) on the shin and rolled towards Clare. Unfortunately Thorgasson recovered to slide the ball away just before Clare finished his kick.

After 84 minutes a strange thing happened. Town applied some intense pressure on the Portsmouth goal, firstly down the left through Allen and D Smith. Smith (I think) crossed, but the ball was half cleared to Groves in midfield, about 25 yards out. The ball was worked across to Donovan, who knocked the ball past the full-back and hit a flat cross to the far post, about 10 yards out. D Smith was all alone and twisted his little body into the perfect shape for a left-foot volley. And perfect it was, arcing beautifully to the keeper's left and around him into the net. And the crowd went wild, well, about 120 of us anyway, the other 12,000 were probably livid. Phew, what a scorcher indeed.

The last eight minutes (there were two minutes of injury time) were not uneventful. With four minutes left Clare, in the corner on Town's right, produced a sublime Cruyffian turn with the added thrill of nutmegging the defender. His cross to the near post was cleared back to him and he tricked the defender again. Unfortunately, he replicated his crossing skills too.

In the last minute there was a mass bout of shoving and pushing. This followed a terrible tackle by Bradbury on Livingstone, right on the edge of Town's area. Bradbury stamped on a Town player when following through after the ball had been cleared. I am not sure who the Town player was, as both Livvo and D Smith received treatment. Raven and Pouton ran up to Bradbury and the Portsmouth midfielder Derry decided to have a slapping match with Pouton – they had three goes at each other. All around was confusion and mayhem as most of the players piled in to 'assist' in the pacification process. The result of all this tomfoolery was a yellow card for Derry, Pouton and Bradbury. Bradbury in particular was fortunate to stay on the pitch as the referee had immediately blown for a free kick to Town. It was a bone-breaking tackle with intent. Portsmouth had a corner in the last minute or two which bounced around the area, being finally cleared by Groves at the far post. It was a typical last minute scramble, with the ball simply flung in to the air 'to see what happens'. Fortunately for Town, nothing.

The very last thing that happened was a free kick to Portsmouth, on Town's right. It was knocked in without conviction and cleared. The referee then ended the game. Cue celebrations by the Town supporters. Relief more than any other emotion.

It was one of those games where, if Town had lost, one would have said "we should have drawn that", but if you draw you say "we were a bit lucky". Town deserved half a point, but Pompey were not good enough for three. Buckley obviously had a game plan, even if it was a rather unedifyingly negative one. It certainly worked in the first half, where Portsmouth only had only one notable effort on goal and rarely got near Coyne. The second half, for the first 30 minutes, was a familiar story of Town sinking further and further back towards Coyne. The last 15 offered some hope, as Town started to create danger. Clare was a fine substitute today.

Donovan. Apart from the cross for the goal he was woeful. Especially in defence, where he stood off the opposition and virtually pointed the way forward for them. Gaps did start to appear in the defence as it got stretched apart by some more intelligent running by the Portsmouth strikers, though, that said, Coyne didn't make one save. The covering was very good today. This suggests a little more thought and effort by the players, and that strange, nebulous concept 'team spirit' is intact. Pouton was largely ineffective as an attacking force, though he did get in the way enough in defence to justify his place. Poor old Jeffrey seems destined for the Nogan/Daws bin – he tries very, very hard, but doesn't look dangerous. He had a thankless task as the lone forward and never gave up (unlike some recent forwards).

Still, a point and that's a bonus. Could have been worse.

Man of the Match: David Smith