Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

16 October 2024

A hot, humid day under grey skies. The away end was completely full and their band was in residence somewhere in the Osmond Stand. The pre-match entertainment was provided by some young woman belting out club standards. Did she have to sing I Will Survive twice?

The players warmed up slightly differently from usual – they spent over half an hour running across the pitch in unison and doing stretching exercises. They then spent 10 minutes doing 'the usual', before they trouped off one by one. With five or so minutes to go before kick off the chairman and new manager walked across the pitch from the Findus/Stones/John Smith for the formal introduction to the crowd. Mr Lawrence was given a sustained round of applause which was on the generous side of polite. I didn't hear any cat-calling. Actually, he was given two rounds of applause - once when he walked on, and once when he walked off.

Town lined up in the old familiar 4-4-2 formation as follows: Coyne, McDermott, Butterfield, Raven, Livingstone, Pouton, Coldicott, Groves, D Smith, Jeffrey and Allen. The subs were Croudson, Clare, Black and….I didn't hear the tannoy announcer, or recognise the players, but I think they were Chapman and Buckley. Butterfield played at left-back, Pouton right-wing and everyone else where you would expect them to be now. Sheff Wed lined up in a 4-4-2 formation in an all-white strip with only one foreigner – an Italian called Di Piedi, who seemed to be wearing Benito Carbone's spare hair.

As 3 o'clock approached the atmosphere built, aided by the Sheff Wed band, who managed to get some of the Town support clapping along to them too.

1st Half
Town kicked off towards the away supporters and tried a variation on the "kicking it slowly in the air to Donovan" routine, by kicking it quickly to the opposition near Pouton. The first five minutes had a pulsating, vibrant, atmosphere with both sets of supporters singing with gusto. No need to guess which set of supporters became silent first.

Town started a little frenetically, getting the ball forward a bit more quickly, often more directly. This didn't cause any problems for the Sheff Wed defence as their centre-backs were a) taller and b) faster than our mighty front pair. The most cunning of these offensive ploys was the belief that Jeffrey would outpace Des Walker with little balls over the top, or through balls between the centre-backs. So cunning it never worked. Similarly Allen failed to win many of the high balls knocked up to him. Why can't that man grow six inches!

The only action in the first five minutes was when the Italian fell theatrically under a Livingstone challenge. We cheered as Livvo won the ball and quickly shut up when he passed the ball back to Sheff Wed.

The first effort on goal was from Sheff Wed – a firm drive from 20 yards, to the right of centre, which Coyne held to his chest. This followed a passing movement across the pitch, exposing Town on the right. Town's first dangerous moment was when D Smith cut inside, passed to Jeffrey, and the resulting pass between the central defenders was just overhit, with Des Walker outpacing Allen in the 'D' and clearing for a corner.

The game wasn't end to end, more edge of box to edge of box, with no real chances, just a few crosses which were cleared with varying degrees of panic by both defences. Town only had a couple of half chances to create half chances, mainly with D Smith involved. He was played in on the left-hand side of the box by Allen, but went a bit wide and his cross was easily caught under the cross bar by Pressman (who had endeared himself to the crowd by acknowledging that he was the porky man in yellow). So in the first 20 minutes there was sound and fury, but nothing tangible by either side.

And then they scored. Shocked and stunned, a total surprise (not the first time the players and supporters had those feelings this week). Butterfield received the ball about 20 yards out, to the left of centre. He decided to ponder, cogitate, consider, think and contemplate prior to clearing. By the time he finished doing these a Sheff Wed player had ambled over and blocked his clearance. The ball dribbled sideways to Di Piedi, about 20-25 yards out. He turned and hit a swirling, dipping right-footed drive which swirled and dipped over Coyne and into the top centre of the net. Cue half a dozen spectators to leap onto the pitch from the lower Stones/Smiths/Findus. They appeared to be Sheff Wed supporters and they caused a two minute delay whilst the police and stewards wrestled them off the pitch. There was an audible sigh from the Pontoon and 1,500 shoulders slumped forward.

Town's response was discouraging. As the half progressed the passes became more and more underhit, the movement less and less. I say more, as during the period of parity Town had looked nervous, unconfident and wracked with fear. Their passing had been noticeably short and players had bumped into each other a few times, going for the same tackle/clearance.

As is becoming increasingly the case, McDermott injected some urgency and life into the Town attacks. About five minutes after the goal he surged down the right and whipped in a cross to the far post to Groves, who slightly mistimed his jump and his header looped with little power straight to Pressman. As usual, Groves seemed to be the only threat posed by Town, with his late runs into the box. The best chance Town had in the first half was when Pressman came out and missed his punch when under pressure from Groves. The ball fell to D Smith about 20 yards out in the centre, but he couldn't control the ball and his shot was easily blocked.

Apart from that, Town's only other efforts in the half were a Jeffrey turn and volley, which dribbled slowly to Pressman and a McDermott cross shot, which again dribbled slowly to the keeper. Jeffrey's was a poor piece of play as this was the one time he should have controlled the ball, looked up and passed to someone else (Allen was free behind Des Walker, who had come across to try and intercept Jeffrey). McDermott's effort was a result of him driving forward and playing a one-two with Jeffrey (I think).

Wednesday, who always looked more at ease with the football, created little, but threatened often, mainly through their two big forwards, Sibon (bloomin' huge) and Di Piedi (strapping). Generally they were well marked by Raven and Livvo, who didn't give them any space to have chances. There were a couple of headers from Wednesday, but they didn't go too near the goal. Di Piedi tried a spectacular overhead kick from one goalmouth melée, but it went a couple of yards wide.

Coyne was only troubled by Livvo, who twice misheaded close to goal, firstly when he intercepted a long clearance by sending a looping header over Coyne (who only just arched his back and clung on to the ball); and when a Hinchcliffe free kick on the Town right was powered beyond the far post Livvo, unmarked and on the bye line, headed across the face of the goal. Coyne's only other action was irrelevant as he saved after the referee had blown for a Town free kick. Oh, and he came out and punched a couple of corners away.

In all, five minutes of extra time were played and Livvo's faux pas was deep into that injury time. The teams walked off to cheers (Sheff Wed) and isolated, half-hearted boos and grumbles (Town). Town's performance had been poor in terms of quality, but not lacking in effort – they all tried. Only McDermott and Raven of the outfield players had played well, with Raven making two excellent stretching interceptions of crosses at the near post. Both followed positional errors by Butterfield, who had an absolute stinker. Positional sense limited, distribution poor and generally playing like a startled rabbit. He was directly responsible for the goal and his play thereafter disintegrated. The winger he was marking was making his debut and I am sure he enjoyed it.

Groves looked tired and slow (as past it as he looked last season in central midfield), and Coldicott nervous in his passing. D Smith hardly touched the ball as most of the Town attacks came down the right through Pouton. Pouton (whose new haircut makes him look like a dead ringer for Thomas, Big Brother's latest ejectee) showed some lovely skills, but produced nothing. He often did the Donovan/Ashcroft trick of stopping and asking for a free kick, which he rarely got. He still did a couple of great step-overs to win…throw-ins. And the throw-ins have become very Stacy centred – every throw was delayed until Coldicott ran across to knock the ball back to the thrower, wherever he or the throw was.

It wasn't as if Sheff Wed were a hot team – they were a bit like a toothless Norwich, firmly midtable.

2nd Half
Butterfield was replaced by Black at half time. D Smith went to left-back and Black to left-wing. For the first minute or two it seemed to pep Town up, they were a little sharper in attacking. But only a little. Nothing of any note whatsoever occurred in the first 10 minutes of the second half. Apart form the booking of a Wednesday player for kicking the ball away. This was about 30 seconds after Pouton had thrown the ball away in a similar incident. Di Piedi complained to the referee that he hadn't booked Pouton, so the referee brought the free kick 10 yards forward. Yes that was THE excitement on the first 10 minutes.

After 12 or 13 minutes Clare replaced Allen. This was greeted by incredulous boos, but Allen had hardly justified staying on the pitch. His control had been poor and he didn't look likely to do anything positive. About a minute after Clare came on Town had the first effort of the half. McDermott surged down the right flank from a position 30 yards out from the Town goal, beating a couple of Wednesday defenders. He got to the edge of the Sheff Wed box and was tackled, the ball ricocheted off McDermott to Clare, about 15 yards out to the left of Pressman's left post. Clare spun and hit a first-time shot, unfortunately straight at Pressman, who parried it away.

Sheff Wed rarely got near the Town goal, through tactics (they got tighter and sat back), and better defending by the Town central midfield, especially Coldicott. Town still played a lot of longer balls up to the heads of Clare and Jeffrey, or over the top. There was very little penetration, with the wingers rarely being passed the ball in the last third of the pitch. Pouton seemed to spend an inordinate time 35 yards from the Town goal, receiving the ball facing McDermott. The Sheff Wed tactic of pressing right up to Town players when they received the ball worked a treat. It's like they’d seen us before!

I don't recall Sheff Wed having many efforts on goal until the last 10 minutes. A couple of long shots, the nearest/best of which was an attempted curving chip with the outside of the boot, following a breakaway. There wasn’t enough elevation or pace and Coyne saved easily. A few crosses and, the most dangerous, when Hinchcliffe floated a free kick to the far post and it went over everyone. The last player was a completely unmarked Sheff Wed forward, six yards out. They got the free kick when the referee decided that Sibon had been cynically upended by Coldicott. He'd actually trodden on the ball and fallen over. Ahh continental skill, honed at Ajax, you know. None of our players could do that, could they. Excepting, Pouton who tripped himself up in the first half doing one of his 'step-overs'.

Oh yes, shots on goal. Mmmmmmmm, let me see. Groves tried an overhead kick which hit Walker, following a goalmouth scramble. A corner on the Town left was hit towards the penalty spot, Livvo, Groves and Pressman went for the ball, one of the Town players headed it and it looped towards the left-hand side of the net. Raven dived in and the ball was hooked off the line by Hinchcliffe. It must have been very close as three players ended up in the side netting as the ball was cleared. Town had a penalty appeal when a shot was charge down in the area, the ball bounced to Black, in a central position. He sliced a volley a couple of feet wide, despite having plenty of time and a clear sight of the goal. Sheff Wed nearly scored another when they broke away in the last five minutes. The ball was eventually worked to the spare man on the Town left. From about eight yards out, to the left of goal, the winger smashed a drive to Coyne's left. Coyne dived and parried away for a corner.

Town sent Livvo up front for the last five minutes or so, playing a sort of 3-4-3; it wasn't organised enough to state categorically that's what it was, it was more aspiration than intent. In the last couple of minutes Town had two opportunities. Firstly, the ball was knocked up and fell to Black on the edge of the box, right in the centre with no-one near him and a clear sight of goal. He dragged a very weak shot 15 yards wide. A minute later Town had the best chance of the game, perhaps the only clear opening. A cross from Town's left was sent deep towards the far post. As Livvo challenged, the ball rolled to Clare, alone about 12 yards out almost on the penalty spot. He slipped as he tried to shoot and the ball squirmed in a strange arc past Pressman's left-hand post. Now that should have been a goal.

After that Sheff Wed broke away, got a corner, wasted time and that was it. Three points to the mundane team in white, nothing to the perspiring striped ones. The players were applauded off, mainly because they had tried so hard, if ineffectually. Several players looked below the standard required, being just not up to it at this level. We produced virtually no football, that thing we are supposed to be renowned for, the only danger was created by McDermott surges and balls lumped into the box for Livvo/Groves. Raven had a very good game (unlike Des Walker he can head straight) as did Mcdermott (despite a couple of dodgy passes forward). Pouton flattered, but produced little, Coldicott had a storming second half, and D Smith was efficient in defence, although he annoyed the crowd by letting loose balls go out for throw-ins rather than keep them in, especially in our own half. Jeffrey tried, oh did he try. No-one can fault him for commitment. Tony Daws Mark II? Groves had a shocker – he just looked too old.

The whole team looked like it had just had a weight put on its shoulders, not taken off. There can't be too many players on Lawrence's list marked "must keep" after that. In some ways it was worse than the Preston game, as Sheff Wed were so average. At least Preston had wit and invention. Still, can't fault the effort. That probably makes it worse, doesn't it. If they are doing their best and that was it…

Well, at least some people were happy – the Osmond Stand were having a ball.

Man of the Match – McDermott, with Raven getting a mention in despatches.