Cod Almighty | Diary
Jaggerbombing With Serge Makofo!
11 December 2024
With the January transfer window looming and brimming with potential thanks to our promising partnership with Jamestown Analytics, Grimsby fans can be forgiven for being as giddy as a ghostbuster in Swindon. Jamestown are a cutting-edge data firm that has helped Tony Bloom’s Brighton and Hove Albion punch well above their weight and Jason Stockwood stoked the excitement by saying of the link-up, “We are still in the early stages but, on paper, it’s a huge advantage.”
The prospect of a data-driven future is thrilling, especially when you consider some of the more, let’s say, eclectic approaches Grimsby Town have taken to recruitment in years gone by. It’s far too easy to suggest we’ve previously wandered blindly into transfer windows, armed only with hope and a loose handful of cash. In reality, our strategies have been far more nuanced. If you squint hard enough. Allow me to take you through some of the more “innovative” methods from this
millennium.
1) The ITV Digital Money Vanished Era (2003-04)
Ah, the sobering aftermath of the ITV Digital collapse. A time when free transfers were king, and we scraped the barrel with a sigh and a prayer. Out went dreams of £375k marquee signings like Phil Jevons, and in came a cavalcade of bargain-basement wonders: Mickael Antoine-Curier, Disco Des Hamilton, and Laurens ten Heuvel. It wasn’t pretty, ultimately leading to relegation to the third tier.
2) The Snakebite Era (2009-10)
Our first tentative steps into data-driven recruitment came under Mike Newell, a man who would eventually challenge Chairman John Fenty to a car park duel. His “data” appeared to be filtered exclusively through the lens of alcohol tolerance. How many Jägerbombs could a player handle before training? With this cutting-edge metric, we welcomed Peter Sweeney, Barry Conlon, and Paul Linwood into the fold. Unsurprisingly, it ended in tears and hangovers.
3) The Nepotism Era (2011/12)
Paul Hurst’s tried-and-tested “only sign who you know” approach was first deployed here. If a player had worked with him before, or even walked past him in the street, they were in. Shaun Pearson, James McKeown, and Anthony Church all arrived to join the family reunion. To be fair, some of these relationships have stood the test of time.
4) The Extravagant Winter Era (January 2017)
With Marcus Bignot at the helm and the Omar Bogle windfall burning a hole in his pocket, restraint went out of the window. Bignot splurged like a lottery winner let loose in Sports Direct, amassing Gavin Gunning, Adi Yussuf, Akwasi Asante, Chris Clements, Sam Jones, Jamey Osbourne, and more. Our training ground must have resembled a Tokyo road crossing at rush hour.
5) The Abba Era (2018/19)
As Abba famously sang, “I believe in angels; something good in everything I see.” Michael Jolley must have taken this to heart as he foraged through the Swedish leagues for talent. Enter Sebastian Ring and Ludvig Öhman. Whether they were angels or simply Swedes with passports remains up for debate.
6) The Bullseye Era (2020/21)
The Ian Holloway era: a perfect storm of pandemics, egotism, and dartboards. Recruitment here felt like a game of Bullseye, with Holloway as host. “Let’s see what’s behind the curtain!” Taunton Town, Halesowen, and Folkestone Invicta all gifted us their finest dartsmen. In came Luke Spokes, Montel Gibson, and Ira Jackson Jr., proving that sometimes, you really can miss the board entirely.
Appendix
The Makofo Mystique
Of course, no retrospective on Grimsby’s transfer history would be complete without mentioning Serge Makofo, the player, the myth, the legend. Stories abound that we scouted the wrong man, with the chairman himself labelling the signing a “disaster.” Serge scored four goals in twenty-eight appearances before slipping into Mariners folklore.
Looking Ahead
Now, with Jamestown Analytics in our corner, there’s hope that the scattergun approach might finally be retired. Brighton’s data-led revolution under Tony Bloom has shown what’s possible when insight meets investment. Could Grimsby Town be next in line for a similar transformation?
For the first time in years, there’s a sense that January might bring more than just fleeting hope. Instead of asking, “Who’s this?” we might finally say, “What a signing!”
It’s an exciting time to be a Mariner, and who knows? With the right recruitment, perhaps this January will be the start of something truly special. As for the days of Makofo and Jägerbombs? Let’s leave them in the rear-view mirror where they belong.