Cod Almighty | Article
by Various
3 January 2025
As we seek an overdue victory at Valley Parade here's a little something to pass the time - the legendary lost article from the Bradford programme in August. Well, it was written, so it may as well be seen.
Don't count your Bantams, Cod Almighty issue an official warning
As Paul Thundercliffe noted in his preview of our game in August 2019: "Bradford games have always been special, from the drubbing we gave them in 1991 to League Cup debuts for Jack Lester and seven-goal thrillers in the season we just pipped them for relegation in 1997. Truth is, we haven't beaten the Bantams since 1998, during which they've been in the top division and a League Cup final and we've been thrashed by Braintree and Halifax.”
There's always something in the air when we two meet, and not just the ball. Everyone gets a bit giddy; even, perhaps especially, the officials.
What do we remember most? The pitfalls, pratfalls, some pitiful officiating and an endless rotation of rejects and prospects cycling between the two clubs. Not literally, there are trains these days you know, they go all over the place. As John Hegley said: from Bradford, West Yorkshire, to Bristol Temple Meads, you don't have to change your underwear but you have to change at Leeds.
Oh those mutual Mariners. We've one for every letter of the alphabet, except the high-scoring scrabble ones. But what do we remember most? It's a neverending series of last minute winners and raging at ridiculous red cards, for our history is littered with…let's call them remarkable referees.
Up to 2010 the games followed the same script. To be fuming or to be furious, that was the question we had on our minds as we walked down Grimsby Road. Let's looks at the evidence…
January 2003: 1-2 (h)
Two players sent off, a last minute winner for Bradford. Who'd ref in a game like this? A box of Pringles if you can guess! Things started off normally as our match report recorded: ”Now Bradford caused no end of problems. No, let me rephrase that: the linesman with the yellow flag nearly caused a riot.” As Stu's half time toilet talk had it "That linesman doesn't know his offsides from Livvo's elbow."
Things took a turn as Livvo lumbered past Molanaar and their lumpy lowlander "fell to earth like an elm raddled by disease. Here we go again. Is the Town supporter's life going to be a neverending cycle? What happened this time last year? Bradford at home, big centre-forward sent off at the end of the first half, game lost.”
In the remaining minute after their Jorgenson "cut inside and curled a shot over Coyne, Barnard was fouled by the youngest and thinnest Bradford player, Francis, who had already been booked. Perhaps this was the referee's way of evening things out?" Ten men for 45 minutes doesn't equate to 10 men for 45 seconds.
That ref made our Diarist swear in front of his mum! Our refwatcher was equally unimpressed: "Perhaps we should send someone to terminate his command. He's out there under no decent, civilised control. His methods are unsound. Terminate with extreme prejudice. Pass the prawns will you?”
After that we had to wait a while before Bradford relegated themselves back into our lives. And things didn't change.
October 2007 – 1-1 (h)
After an injury to their keeper Bradford played for 70 minutes with a defender in goal. As the game entered added time: "The referee turned to the fourth official, holding what looked like two fingers up. A-ha, two minutes of added time then. Err, no, that's three. The ball floated towards Barnes who held up his hands, caught the ball at the edge of the area and stepped back. Medley suddenly started jumping around with ants in his pants and the linesman flagged furiously. Oh dear. Up went a red card and off went Barnes in a huff. Man, there was a cat that really was gone. It was a shame how he carried on after he'd caught the ball."
Wait, there's more. As we entered the sixth of those three added minutes: "Medley flew in front of Whittle, who forced him wide and eased him towards the touchline. Medley fell over. The referee pointed to the penalty spot, which one must observe was displeasing to the majority of those present. Half of Bradford poured on to the pitch; they'd done it again, hadn't they. What is it about Bradford that sends refs all gooey?”
In April 2008 as a Town player was sent off and Bradford scored a last-minute winner we concluded the ref should "be placed in the fiction section of the library, perhaps under magical realism". In 2009 a 2-0 loss had us bemoaning "as it got colder his shorts got tighter and his decisions weaker. The sending off was correct. Just our luck we get a referee who manages to make a correct decision in a game”.
It all changed after we arose from non-league and Bradford were relegated. In 2019, in a game of one half where Town won a draw, the ref "didn't cause us too much sorrow or pain. Can't complain, won't complain, he’s just someone who blew his whistle now and again. The bounder was perfectly all right.”
The officials had stopped being our fig leaf for failure. In the infamous house of Payne game during Covid we were irked by an inability to blame the ref for "Such are the "fine margins" of football. If only this turquoise tweeter had been looking the other way at half time he'd have got a perfect 10”.
And things kept on 'improving' with an unexpected conveyor belt of competence: "The standard of reffing these days, it's absolutely disgusting. We've got no pastel fig leaves left. Appallingly adequate!" And then "He gave Town a penalty and had no truck with Tyke tumbles and grumbles inside the penalty area. He was a long way from being a shocker."
There's loads of chips around here - on both shoulders. One day these Yorkshire chickens won't rule our roost. Will today be the day our teddy bears have a picnic? Well, the data says a decent ref gives Town a fighting chance of not losing.
Our public plea to today's referee is simply carry on, don't lose your head.
These are the full versions of the Cod Almighty programme articles for the 2024/25 season. This article was intended for publication on 31 August 2024.