Cod Almighty | Article

by Peter Anderson & Bill Meek

5 February 2025

Town have been looking at the right end of the table this season and we want David Artell's side to take advice from Retro Diary to keep us there.

Draws are stuck in 1982, a time when a draw meant the points were shared. The phrase has survived but hasn't been accurate for 43 years. Only two of the points are shared, with one lost forever to sporting ether. The language hasn't caught up yet and neither has the football. In an age where you can't move in a dugout for UEFA badges and databases, the humble draw still has them blindsided. Let Retro Diary explain: 

It's my assertion that nobody in football has ever really understood the mathematics of three points for a win. Once you've seen the truth of this, it can't be unseen. You can hear the error perpetuated in every manager's interview and see it in every league table. What the hell am I on about?

Draws. Draws are what I'm on about. Basically, they're not value for money. They're duff. They're not proper reward for what you've done on the pitch, and they depress your league position. Three points for a win was invented in 1981 by, believe it or not, iconic MOTD presenter Jimmy Hill, with the express objective of making draws unattractive. Yet 41 years later football still treats draws as an acceptable fall-back; a best-worst; a "not bad"; an "at least we didn't lose", even though they’re designed to drag you down. Town could piss division four just by understanding the maths. Not convinced? Time for an example - imagine the scene:

It's a damp November Saturday afternoon with the floodlights on, and two sets of clodhopping journeymen (let’s call them, say, Doncaster and Gillingham) are thrashing out a tedious 0-0. Much as they huff and puff, neither team can make a breakthrough. But then, with five minutes to go, the referee, fed up with the stultifying ineffectiveness on show, has a rare moment of clarity and blows his whistle, bringing the two captains together.

"Right", he says, "I'm going to give you a choice. You can either play out the last five minutes as normal, or we can toss a coin now for the three points".

Now, unless you’re a lunatic you're going to toss for the points. I mean blimey, 50-50 - lose and you lose one point; win and you gain two points. No bookie's ever going to give you value like that (and if they do, please tell me straight away). It's a mathematical no-brainer. Toss for it you wallies before somebody changes their mind."

The entire explanation is here. Please click on the link and read it all, especially anyone with David Artell's ear. Why bring this up now? Because this season is a good illustration of Retro's, err, point. To date, Town's record is P29 W13 D3 L13, leaving us 9th and perched on the shoulder of the play-off race. However, we seem to have avoided draws by accident. We haven't seen a spate of late winners or losers scored as Town career up the pitch swapping 5-3-2 for last-man-back. No matter, we can see the benefits and to ensure we continue to do so, we urge Town that now is the time to adopt Retro's proposals.

Can you imagine the excitement rise in the ground with ten minutes to go as Shaun Pearson strides forward to the touchline and gives the all-out assault signal. We're picturing any suitable "get it up ya" or bras d'honneur type gesture but we're happy to leave this detail up to the Town coaching staff. Maybe something in the style of the 99 call if something more subtle is required.

We can tell you need a little more convincing. How about some evidence of the danger of the draw. Perhaps, as disorientating as Town's current lofty position is, you may have noticed that we've hovered around that position all season even when we lose a few. That's because we are fortified by wins either side of the losses. Contrast that feeling of being sat on the melting iceberg of 2021-22. Or the sinking sands of 1987-88. In both these relegation seasons we went on long Spring unbeaten runs just when we needed one. In fact, the runs feature as joint fourth longest in the three points for a win era.

In 2021, Paul Hurst's relegation-haunted team crammed eight games into a five week period without losing. Yay Town. At the start of the run we were five points from safety.

At the end of the run, seven. Boo Town and hello Vanarama. Yep, seven draws and a win were worth ten points but the square root of sod all in a fight for your life.

Similar happened to Bobby Robertses's lot in the spring of 1988 when his side's late run of two wins and six draws pushed us ever closer to successive relegations. By the way, Bobby Roberts being christened Robert Roberts doesn't get enough credit. His forward thinking parents Grimsby plural-proofed him, no way anyone is sticking an extra 'es' on the end of that name. 

It doesn't even take relegation to highlight the draw as the Most Dangerous Result in Football. The nine-match unbeaten run in 1993 had the normally reserved Blundell Park faithful demanding Alan Buckley's bald noggin on a platter for drawing six of them. That's a bit of an exaggeration, but they did yell "SHOOT" when we got the ball over halfway more often and then stopped going altogether with attendances dropping to scandalous levels for a team playing ace football and pushing for the top flight.

So watch out for the warning signs: taking it to the corner while scoreless at Donny; Jordan Wright cramping up at 1-1 in Walsall; Artells hitting Matt Dean with Retro's trigger line of "We couldn't make the breakthrough but as time went on it became important that we didn't lose the game". And remember, never be happy with a point unless we're 2-0 down in injury time. We're doomed otherwise. Probably.