Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

20 February 2025

A cloudless, bright, bone-chillingly cold day in the South Yorkshire glums. Around 500 Town supporters crammed into the side portion of a huge stand behind the goal to the left as seen on TV. The sun set behind the Kick Boxer III Stand (they called it the Van Damme Stand) at the other end, resulting in the scintillatingly, sizzling, shining sun boring itself right into the Town fans. We all had to use the programme to shield our eyes, as one wag observed "I see no ships".

Tony Ford received a warm dribble of applause as he ran back to the dressing rooms. Donovan didn't. Town warmed up, under the guidance of Wilkinson, with the return of the jitterbug, which coincided with Hey Rock and Roll being played over the tannoy. The players seemed to be jittering and bug…, well, jitterbugging in time to the music, which was mildly amusing for 1.3 seconds. They then started to hop between the cones, at great pace. They looked like Easter Bunnies, especially Willems. That was greatly amusing for 6.4 seconds.

The Barnsley mascots were two bears, or dogs, it was difficult to decide what they were supposed to be, especially the Mrs Mascot in lipstick and ra-ra skirt. This monstrosity waddled past the Town fans and tried to exude bonhomie by shaking hands with a 5-year old Town fan, who ran away in tears. Perhaps his dad had told him "that's Kevin Donovan, that is". As we sat in the cold, cold, stadium the tannoy blared out a selection of synth pop and doodles, all of which accurately recreated Gullivers in 1985. They just needed to turn the lights down and have mirrored pillars. I suppose the town that is the source of all Cleethorpes' day trippers was just trying to make us feel at home.

Town lined up in a 5-3-2 formation as follows: Coyne, Butterfield, Ford, Groves, Gallimore, Chapman, Burnett, Coldicott, Willems, Jevons and Thompson. The substitutes were Croudson, D Smith, Jeffrey, Boulding and Campbell (which brought a few more smiles to a few more faces). The absence of Neilson meant Butterfield was sent back to where he belongs – defence (as right wing-back), the rest were where you'd expect them to be in such a formation, with Burnett playing on the rightish side of a central three.

Before kick off the Barnsley players formed a little arms around each other huddle and huggle. I half expected them to place their hands in the centre and shout "Barnley, Barnsley ra-ra-ra!"

1st half
As the sun started to lazily dip behind the Kick Boxer Stand the game started, with Town defending the goal behind which the freezing few hundred fans were huddled. And what a lovely start. Town passed, then passed again, and again and again. Little triangles were played down the left-hand side, with one-touch passing, then movement, such that Barnsley didn't get any possession for a few minutes. Town didn't create anything substantial in the period, but they sure had control and silenced the (admittedly already silent) Tykes. The Town fans visibly perked up, with little whooping sounds emanating from them as the scales fell from their eyes. Ah, the remembrance of things past. Groves may not have reverted to 4-4-2 (yet) but Town had reverted to the old ways of possession football, all of which meant that the defence were not under constant pressure.

The first 25 minutes were basically Town, with Barnsley only threatening (or even getting the ball) when a Town player made a mistake. A Town player? Yes, in the singular, the mistake being Butterfield, who set up three chances for them.

After Town had made Barnsley players run around fruitlessly for three or four minutes, Butterfield tried a crossfield pass from about 10 yards inside the Town half. It went right across the pitch, very slowly, and straight to a Barnsley player near the centre circle, who immediately turned round, ran forward five yards and slipped a pass out wide. Dyer made a run through, and between, the centre-backs, and scampered onto a pass behind Chapman/Gallimore. He got to the bye-line about 12 yards wide of goal, to the left. He chipped the ball slowly and in a simple arc towards Sheron, just beyond the far post. Butterfield stood underneath the flight of the ball, leapt up and completely missed the ball. This confused Sheron, who had clearly not expected such an elementary mistake, my dear Watson, and he slightly miscontrolled the ball, going back away from goal. Sheron jogged after his bad control, turned and, from about 12 yards out, just to the right of Coyne's right-hand post, tried a firm low shot towards the near post. Butterfield had ambled back and, about five yards out, he stretched across and blocked the ball away for a corner. The corner was uneventful.

Cue more Town passing, with a half chance created when Burnett, Coldicott and Butterfield combined down the right, with a cross being flicked into Thompson, about 10 yards out three or four yards to the right of goal. He allowed the ball to bounce up at thigh height, then spun and hooked a shot across the face of gaol. The ball probably went four yards wide, quite slowly, but it showed invention and quick thinking in the area.

A few minutes later, after Town had played little triangles down the left-hand side, Chapman curled a 30-yard pass down the left-hand touchline. Thompson bent his run around the back of his marker and he was away and free. He stepped inside his marker and made his way directly to goal. He advanced to within eight or nine yards of goal, when a defender rushed back and slid across his path. Thompson's shot deflected off the defender's backside and rolled slowly into Windy Miller's hands. Jevons threw his hands up in the air in frustration as he had stepped away from his marker and was alone, about eight yards out and level with the near post.

So far, so cool for Town, who had controlled the game, not allowing Barnsley more than a few seconds' possession. The midfield clamp was in full working order, with Coldicott back to his omnipotent best, though Willems was struggling to cover the left-hand side, allowing himself to drift towards the centre when the ball was on the right-hand side. This often left three Barnsley players with just Ben Chapman to deal with them. Fortunately, for 20 minutes Barnsley were insistent upon attacking Butterfield. Understandable, I suppose, given that most of the Town fans do that too.

The next Butterfield booboo caused another dangerous Barnsley counter-attack. He again passed directly to them in the their half as Town were building an attack down the right. Thus all the Town players were up in attacking positions. There was a mad chase back towards Coyne as Dyer and Sheron advanced down the centre. Sheron (I think), about 25 yards out, waited as he got to the last Town defender and Donovan sprinted past with Gallimore close by. Sheron tapped a perfectly weighted pass down the middle and into the penalty area. Donovan was ahead of the Town defender, with Coyne rushing out. Somebody must have sneezed, as they all fell down, nowhere near each other, or the ball, and Town cleared easily. As Groves had said before the game "We all know what Kevin Donovan is capable of". Yep, he does a great impression of a jellyfish. It must be the sight of black and white stripes which induces such a Pavlovian response in his spine.

Barnsley were quite dangerous on the counter-attack and were adept at winning corners, and the referee was proving adept at giving Town free kicks at these corners. He got to the point where he blew his whistle as the kick was taken, barely bothering to look. Well, somebody was probably pushing somewhere, maybe. Barnsley hit the bar from one, and Coyne made a fine save from another of these corners. Didn't matter either way, did it. The referee further annoyed the Barnsley supporters by penalising one of their players for taking a throw-in from the wrong place, but he looked kindly upon the Town players when they took what felt like minutes to take throw-ins. Funny, we Town fans were beginning to take to this referee.

After a couple of totally dull long shots from Barnsley, which went absolutely nowhere near Coyne, and a couple of crosses which the blue-shirted one plucked easily from the air, Dyer should have scored. The catalyst for this semi-panic was, once again, Butterfield, who passed to a Barnsley player whilst Town were building an attack down the right (he lost control of the ball, then did a block tackle which ballooned to Lumsden). Barnsley advanced down the centre, then their left. As Butterfield harried a midfielder, about 25 yards out, just to the right of the penalty area, their wing-back steamed upfield. Coldicott was a little slow to react and was unable to stop Barker getting to the bye-line and chipping a slow, flat cross to Dyer about six yards out, near Coyne's right-hand post. Dyer allowed the ball to graze across his forehead and the ball trickled a foot or so wide of the left-hand post, as everyone watched and waited.

That was just about it for the first half, expect for Jevons' left-foot slice high into the back of the stand from a narrow angle following a throw-in, and a Butterfield volley which was hacked away by a defender about 15 yards from goal. Oh yes, and another Barnsley break down the Town right saw a cross floated beyond Coyne to the far post. As Dyer hovered, Groves ran back, dived back and flicked the ball away for a corner, from right next to the post. A fabulous piece of defending.

The Town players walked off at half time to applause. The Barnsley players didn't. Generally, Town had easily kept Barnsley away from Coyne, the exceptions being when a mistake was made. It was all self-induced, and Barnsley almost had the players to capitalise, and they had Donovan too. The first half was essentially two decent teams trying to pass the ball around in continental style. Not what you'd expect from two teams near the bottom. Town controlled the first 20 minutes and Barnsley had a lot more possession, and largely controlled, the final 20. It was interesting, not exciting, with Town defending efficiently, calmly, and attacking only sporadically, with style and intent. Style. Method. Two words that couldn't possibly be attached to Town a week ago.

Individually there were three weak links – Jevons, who played like he might get hurt, Willems, who was just plain slow – you could see him trying to get his legs moving, but they just wouldn’t go - and Butterfield, whose distribution was erratic to say the least, and positioning faulty.

The highlight of the first half? Undoubtedly when Coldicott nutmegged a Barnsley player 30 yards from the Town goal. The game had the aura of a 0-0, or a sneaky Town win. More of the same in the second half then. Dull will do nicely sir.

Stu's half time toilet talk
"Is Donovan playing?" "She'd have preferred frilly knickers to a birdbath." "Why did we want Broomes when we've got Ford?" "This is fantastically boring. Most excellent." "Good to see Campbell back." "Lennie who?" "What a beautiful sunset, as orange as the day is blue."

2nd half
No changes were made at half time by either team, though Town did make Barnsley wait in the cold for a minute or so before strolling out looking calm, collected and warm. It was just enough time for the Barnsley players to start pulling their sleeves down over their hands and do that "ooh it's a bit parky" dance that is obligatory for young men in shorts on winter afternoons. Especially when the PE teacher says it's cross country running.

Barnsley changed their style in the second half, abandoning the patient passing game in favour of direct football, knocking it longer, and more quickly, to the forwards and down the channels. They also started to pump in crosses from 25-30 yards out. In other words, just the sort of football that makes Town crumble.

The sun set and it was dark all around, there was frost on the ground and the Tykes tried to break free. They couldn't – the Town back eight were rigid in formation and determined in tackle, there was absolutely no space for Barnsley in the penalty area from open play. Barnsley's first effort on goal came from Donovan, who did his back to goal, lift the ball with the outside of his right boot, spin then shoot manoeuvre, about 30 yards out, right on the touchline. Their spineless winger ran in towards goal and from 20 yards out, to the right of centre, hit a hard-right foot shot which went straight to Coyne at head height, near his left-hand post.

Then Town broke away down the right, after Coldicott and Burnett had hassled the Barnsley midfield into losing possession. Jevons, about 25 yards out to the right of centre, caressed a well-flighted cross with the outside of his right boot, which drifted past the centre-back towards the far post. Thompson ran across his marker and headed a yard wide of the keeper's left-hand post from about nine yards out, just to the left of centre. The header lacked power, seemingly coming off the top of his right ear. Another almost moment from the scurrying Scouser.

The game was mostly played up at the other end of the pitch, with crosses piling in, and the Town defence heading out. The ball was in, out, in, out constantly, with Barnsley making up in quantity of crosses what they lacked in quality. Or perhaps the Town defenders were playing well? Ford, Gallimore and Groves were impenetrable, I can't recall any moment when a Barnsley player got past them in open play. There was always one of that triumphant triumvirate around to sweep away any notions of home interest. And if they weren't there, Coldicott or, yes 'tis true, Burnett, were on hand. The crowd fell silent for minutes on end, only rousing from their Tyke torpor to grumble about the time it was taking Town to take throw-ins, or to claim "hand ball" whenever the ball ricocheted around the box. They made perhaps four claims for a penalty, there didn't look anything obvious, just crazy deflections now and again.

At times the Town penalty area resembled a disorganised Rugby Union game. Twice, and both following corners, there were mad scrambles in the middle of the Town area. The first one followed a corner from their left, headed down by one of their central defenders towards the centre of the goal. Sheron controlled the ball with his back to goal and attempted to turn. He was immediately swamped by three defenders. The ball ran loose, someone tried a shot and three other defenders threw themselves forward to block. The ball ran loose again and it looked as though eight or nine players were hacking away at the ball, with players seemingly throwing themselves on top of it, like a maul. Coyne picked it up and drop-kicked it out for a line out, 30 yards from goal. Five minute later another corner from the Barnsley left resulted in an almost identical free-for-all after Donovan had mishit a shot from the edge of the penalty area. The ball bobbled high towards the far post, was half cleared and again Barnsley players were queuing up to shoot, with most of the Town team between them and the gaol. Desperate defending? Yes, but effective and thoughtful too.

And that is just about every Barnsley effort described. A couple of long shots which were humdrum, mundane and essentially inaccurate, and a couple of through balls which made Coyne come off his line and gather near the feet of strikers. They weren't even within stretching distance. There were a few more corners, but nothing worrisome occurred. Despite Town being under seemingly constant pressure, one never felt that the defence would buckle. The team was incredibly organised and disciplined, even Willems managed to get up to the pace of the game (or the pace came down to him) and in the last half an hour he was flawless, finally getting his positioning right when defending. Butterfield too improved. It was all adding up to a very satisfactory spoiling display. Could Town steal a winner on the break?

There were moments of hope, such as when Chapman (for the umpteenth time all afternoon) intercepted a pass intended for Donovan. He raced upfield, passed to Jevons and continued his run up the touchline. For a brief, fleeting moment Town had four against three, as Burnett had joined Thompson up front. Jevons, just inside the Barnsley half in an inside left position, stepped inside Lumsden and was scythed down. The ball ran loose to Burnett and there was three against two. But the referee didn't play advantage, giving Town a free kick and booking the Barnsley basher. How very inconsistent of the referee, as one minute earlier he had allowed play to go on after Coldicott tripped a Barnsley player, then given them a free kick when the ball went to a Town player a few seconds later.

Half way through the half, again after Town had hustled Barnsley into giving the ball away inside their own half, Jevons was tripped on the edge of the penalty area, just to the right of goal. A beautiful leap over a stray foot, I particularly liked the little hand gesture, like he was washing some imaginary windows. The Barnsley wall assembled, with Donovan right in the middle. Perhaps the Town free kick routine would work this time – if ever a wall would crumble, surely it would be this one. Donovan placed himself second from the left (he knows it's always the third from the left who gets hit in the shins) and Gallimore rolled up and hit a low left-foot shot between Donovan's right ankle and whoever was supposed to be next to the Jellyfish. For a microsecond it seemed the ball was going in, but Miller flopped down late and just managed to divert the ball a few inches past his left-hand post, making great use of his big, thick right forearm.

Thompson was replaced by Boulding with about 20-25 minutes of the second half gone. For about 10 minutes Boulding received the ball six inches above his head, in an annoying Lawrencian move. The problem was caused by the midfield dropping deep to assist the defence, leaving a gap twixt them and attack.

Finally Town played the ball along the ground and another dangerous moment was created. Town broke away down the centre, with Jevons turning and surging towards the middle of the Barnsley defence. He waited for Boulding then slipped a perfect pass between the retreating centre-backs and the right wing-back. Boulding ran across the defender and collected the ball on the centre left of the penalty area, about 15 yards out. He ran across the face of the goal and, just as he seemed to have a clear sight, a defender ran across, so Boulding stopped and turned away from goal. Chance wasted as Boulding wouldn’t use his right foot.

With about 10 or so minutes left Jeffrey replaced Jevons (who had improved slightly in the second half, from diffidence to occasional interest). With five minutes left Jeffrey almost became our hero again, he does it once a year. Chapman intercepted a pass to their right wing-back and hared forward, passing to Willems, who turned and failed to dribble past a defender on the left edge of the Barnsley area. The Barnsley defender slipped and the ball rebounded off Willems' calf, setting him free in the penalty area, wide on the left. He crossed from a narrow angle, flighting a delicate chip over and across Miller towards the far post. Jeffrey ran behind his marker and stretched and stretched and stretched but couldn't quite reach the ball, failing by only a couple of inches.

The fourth official held up a board showing four minutes of added time and just as I was thinking how good the referee had been, he blew it. He awarded Barnsley a free kick deep inside their half for the merest of glares by Jeffrey. The ball rolled six or seven yards forward, so Jeffrey turned and tapped it back to where the free kick should have been taken. The referee decided to book Jeffrey, then marched forward 10 yards with the ball. Stupido, or what.

A minute later Town (yet again through a Ben Chapman interception) broke away down the left. The ball was played to Boulding, on the halfway line. He allowed the ball to run across him, then turned and blistered forward, running past one defender. He knocked the ball past the last defender when he was clattered, scythed, mugged, kicked, and stopped by Chettle. Boulding tried to keep on his feet, but couldn't stop himself from falling when he was free. He beat the ground in frustration, and looked back to see the referee give Chettle a yellow card only. There was one other defender back, but he was never going to catch Boulding, and he wasn't between Boulding and the goal.

The rest of the game was Town playing around in the corners, wasting time. Game over.

The players were cheered off, having achieved a very professional point (there was even a chant of "Grovesie, Grovesie" – he never got those even when he was scoring hat tricks), and the Town fans shuffled away content with the solidity, passion and professionalism, but had a little regret that Town hadn't mugged Barnsley for all three points. Human nature is to always want more, I suppose, though everyone agreed that a point was marvellous.

Individually the star was the team, as a whole, playing as one, both defensively and offensively. The passing and movement shown in the last hour against Portsmouth may not have been a flash in the pan. From the very first seconds Town dictated the rhythm of the game, not just launching hopeful balls forward. It was a very measured, calm, patient and professional performance. All those dull attributes Town used to have are back. Perhaps we'll get some of those old-fashioned boring 1-0 (Groves) results. We need 'em, and we might get 'em now. Sitting high up behind the goal it was noticeable that the Town players played in lines across the pitch, and swarmed around opponents who dallied on the ball. Hardly anyone strayed out of position but above all they exuded confidence. They appeared at ease with themselves, their team mates and the ball.

It's even possible to enjoy the football now. There's hope in our hearts.

Nicko's Man of the Match
Special mentions in despatches to Ford and Gallimore, who were never beaten or dragged out of position. An extra special mention for Ben Chapman, who made countless interceptions to set up counter attacks and easily dealt with the line-hugging Donovan. Chapman seems to be a natural wing-back. The midfield three were effective, with Burnett and Coldicott rock solid. But head and shoulders above everyone else on the pitch was Paul Groves, who was immense. Not only did he make three vital and excellent saving challenges, but he read the game brilliantly, easing in front of Sheron and Dyer, schmoozing and swaying past them when setting up attacks by bringing the ball out of defence, hardly misplacing any pass. A flawless performance.

Official Warning

Mr B Curson
For 90 minutes he was heading for a perfect score, then he went bonkers with the Jeffrey booking and his timidity in only booking Chettle. He lost 2 points each for those indiscretions so he gets 6. He was doing so well too.