Cod Almighty | Article
by Various
11 March 2025
Tranmere and Town, the yin and yang of unfashionable football outposts, two clubs that prove that in lower league football the light at the end of the tunnel is the light of an oncoming train. We go up, we go down, we keep meeting and sometimes things happen.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Well, it hasn't been uneventful.
Tranmere, like Town on steroids, have played snakes and ladders with their supporters' psyches in the last decade - the seven seasons from 2014 contained a remarkable five promotions or relegations, as well as a Conference play-off final loss. Are Rovers stress-testing a credo highlighted by a 2015 CA diary perhaps?
"Being in cult 1980s indie band Half Man Half Biscuit never catapulted Tranmere fan Nigel Blackwell to global stardom. But he said my favourite thing that anyone has ever said about football: "Whatever division this club happens to be in doesn't decide if I'm going to support them or not – that is the behaviour of a spoilt child."
Whilst Nige's heroes are now toying with a Town-like non-league double-dip, it's a Town relegation where our story starts. Arguably the most damaging defeat in modern times was the 2003-04 final day loss at Prenton Park that relegated Town to the fourth tier. It's Middle-Aged Diary's least favourite game and he recalled the day, and what might have been in a 2018 diary:
"…A squad pulled into an effective unit under the caretaker ship of the ever-admirable Graham Rodger would have beaten an uninterested Tranmere to secure our place in the third flight. If there was a god who was a Town fan, they would have made sure Darren Mansaram got the winning goal, rescuing both a club and a career. Instead, the relegation scrap was entrusted to Nicky Law. That defeat, even more than losing our League status at Burton, was the start of a long period of oblivion."
The 1-0 home defeat to Rovers that season is less remembered but was equally traumatic because future Mariner hero Gary Lumpaldinho Jones bagged a controversial winner. Cue our match report:
"The ball hit Jones somewhere very close to his left arm, so close that it can only be described as his left arm, and dribbled slowly towards the left post. Davison was wrong-footed and Jones ran after the ball, slid and hooked it in from about a foot out."
That season was the last league meeting for 14 years. We did trade League Cup knock-outs however. Town triumphed in 2008, a comedy Antony Kay own goal worthy of namesake Peter sealing the 2-0 win.
"Like an overeager dad at a kiddies' kickabout, Kay pushed his chum out of the way, huffled his shoulders, winked at his family and beautifully volleyed into the open goal. 'Ave it! That's the way to do it."
The Diary's hope that Rovers' August 4-0 revenge the following season wasn't "a harbinger that all our summertime love and positivity are misplaced" proved forlorn and, following our relegation, the sides didn't meet again until the 2015 Conference season. The Blundell Park clash was televised and had a bizarre pre-match singing guest. Allow Retro Diary to jog your memory:
"Wagner who? He's a Brazilian living in Dudley. He used to put up conservatories before entering The X Factor, in which he progressed on a novelty/protest ticket. After the 7-1 thrashing in the World Cup, I'm guessing his German name is why he can't go home. But is he really a Town fan?"
On the night Wagner, and indeed the 1-1 draw itself, was overshadowed by a memorable piece of James McKeown magic:
"A yellow corner, cleared and returned from under the Police Box. Inaction Jackson arose alone, four yards out and thumpered to McKeown's left. The Pink Panther leapt up and star-flipped over the bar with a wondrously wonderful wonder-save which had them wailing in the Wirral.”
Fast forward to 2018 and happily we were both back in the league. Happier still, Town won 5-2 at Blundell Park and Wes Thomas avenged Lumpaldinho with his own hand of cod:
"Caprice carelessly cantered, Hessenthaler slid and hooked off Tranmeric toes, setting Vernam free to improvise some jazz chords down the left. The Count of Caistor dribbled through a collection of sodden shirts and teased a flat cross across the face of goal. Thomas, caught unawares by the sudden activity, collided with the ball while swiping left on his iPhone. The ball plopped into the empty net.
Every Tranmere arm and voice was raised in unison, and the referee was flash-mobbed. Ooh, they were angry. Oooooooooh, we were laughing. Revenge is a dish best served on a wet Tuesday in Cleethorpes."
Rovers put us straight in the return fixture and two years later the boot was still firmly on the Prenton foot, laced up to the knee like a pair of 1970's Doc Martens. Holloway's catastrophic Covid Collective got lost on the way from the dressing room to the pitch, delaying the kick-off. And that was the least embarrassing aspect of a day that ended in a 5-0 trouncing to a side led by caretaker managers Ian Dawes and ex-Mariner Andy Parkinson:
"Just over half an hour gone and the game was not so much gone as an historical document being perused in the British Museum by careful young ladies with clipped accents in white gloves."
The Tranmere board was so unimpressed with this performance they appointed Keith Hill as manager. "Is this the famed Grimsby Reaper in reverse" mused Wicklow Diary a few days later, "or were they just expecting to beat us by more than five?"
By March, Paul Hurst was back in charge and Rovers' visit formed part of Town's eight-match unbeaten run that perversely as good as relegated us, containing just a single win. At least our match summary of the 0-0 draw was to prove prescient:
"Shape was kept, slackness was avoided, chances were minimal at both ends. It is not humiliating to watch any more, our defeats are narrow, our draws our tinged with slight regret. Goalscoring. Maybe next year.”
And here we are again, back together in the league. The five games since our return are poised at a draw and two wins apiece. Whatever the result tonight and the outcome of this season, history suggests Town and Rovers fans should continue to live by Nigel Blackwell's example. That segues nicely to the last word from Bottom of the Barrel's diary prior to October 2023's game:
"So, it’s Tranmere. Yet, good ol' me, I've managed a whole diary and not a single Half-Man Half-Biscuit reference. Let's hope we pull away from the bottom half of the division, otherwise it'll be back to non-league, the FA piggin' Trophy, Friday nights and the gates are low and all that nonsense. So, off we go, westward ho and let's hope it isn't a massive letdown."
Well, them's the vagaries.
These are the full versions of the Cod Almighty programme articles for the 2024/25 season. An edited version was published in The Mariner on 4 March 2025