Cod Almighty | Article

by Various

3 May 2025

A dodgy owner and a near death experience but, though they got knocked down, they've got back up to the Football League again from the depths of nowhere, aka Gloucestershire.

Don’t rain on Rodney Parade

They're probably bored of running, jumping and standing still.

Newport County, the South Wales Exiles, are the longest serving residents of League Two, still lodging in the basement since we gave them a leg-up in the 2013 conference play-offs.

Urgh, those play-offs.

County may have won the first leg, and the second for that matter, but Town won the battle of flags at Blundell Park. The CA Diary later revealed the FA's review committee downgraded the punishment from a red card to merely a sad tut of disapproval after the home champion explained that he'd "deconstructed the flag to the point where it was safe and where it couldn't be considered a danger." With larks like this off the pitch, who really cared about the occasional play-off loss or rotten floodlight.

Christian Jolley netted the winner in the second leg and later became one of those players that Town sign, not in the expectation that he'd be a Ballon d'Or winner, but rather to ensure at least he couldn't look like one against us anymore.

With a couple of league seasons under their belt, we met up with Newport again after our promotion in 2016. In our excitement we included them in our Rough Guide Series and Miles Moss was rather taken by a new County player:

"I must mention another new signing, defender Jazzi Barnum-Bobb. Jazzi Barnum-Bobb played on loan from Cardiff last season, but Jazzi Barnum-Bobb has now signed a permanent deal, that Jazzi Barnum-Bobb has. I have no idea if he's a good player or not – I just can't stop saying his name."

As grizzled Town awaydayers know, 2016 was well into an eight game run of visits to Rodney Parade without a goal. It was a streak that almost prompted Cod Almighty back into the rag trade for an "I Saw Town Score at Newport" T-shirt. Indeed the most memorable moment of Rich Mills's match report from our visit that season featured the stands, not the game.

"I kind of like Rodney Parade. I don't love it like I love Kenilworth Road, say or "The BP" but there's a lot to like. I like the walk across the Millennium Bridge from the car parks. I like the way it seems to have been assembled from other clubs' stadium leftovers; a cricket pavilion here, an open end terrace there. There's a modern-ish stand and what looks like the old green seats from Blundell Park's corners behind a goal.”

We could talk about the football but do you really want to hear about Podge Amond's perennial return to score against the club he should have seen out his career at? No, me neither. Well, he didn't score in 2018 but gave us the run around, and all we had to show in a 2-1 defeat was future Exile Jamille Matt's delicately crafted consolation:

“With ten minutes left Town carried on carrying on with the old in-out, in-out, shaking them all about. Vernam, way, way out, scuttled a buttle that barundled with moderation towards goal. Matt, on the penalty spot, stuck out a leg as Day lay down awaiting the second class post. The unlittle stick of Blackpool rock controlled the ball and carefully passed the ball at the prostrate plunger with the goal most agape. Matt followed up and headed the rebound into the still empty net for a classic tiki-taki goal."

How about a Town win? It's 2020 and an early Bradley Garmston goal set up a 4-2 win where, for once, we didn't mind seeing Podge score against us. Remember that pre-Covid purple patch under the Pied Piper?

Town's method? Not long ball, not short ball, but Ollie ball: it's vindaloo vrooming for we're gonna score one more than you…

"…Little Harry was full of energy and Tilley, again, was an ephemeral flutterer around the periphery, but a fulcrum of fancy football when playing as a pivot away from the divots. And tying it all together was the already indispensable Benson."

Light years later, 2022 finally saw the end of our Rodney Parade goal drought, neatly answering the question posed by match reporter Chris Parker:

“Why does a near 63-year old man set his alarm for 6am on a Saturday morning to travel to another country to watch a tier four football match? It was certainly a question I was asking myself.”

Even though we were rewarded with a win on this occasion, both we and Chris know there's more to it than that:

"Picked up by a friend and his son, we drove to Newark where we caught the train to Kings Cross. Always interesting to see fellow football fans on their journeys to watch their clubs. A sole Lincoln City fan was spotted but we spend our time chatting to a lovely young lady who, bizarrely, seemed to enjoy our… A quick tube ride to Paddington where we boarded our train for Newport. We chatted to three QPR fans on their journey to Swansea with stories of AEK Athens, Slovan Bratislava, and pubs around Shepherds Bush, before a brief engagement with Swindon season ticket holders who were heading to Cardiff for some wrestling event."

There’s nothing like a dame nor a cross country train journey to watch your team and this time, finally, we also collected the points. Bryn Morris scored the Town opener in the 2-0 win - the first Town player to score in Newport since Michael Coulson in 2011. This historic achievement didn't earn him another contract at Town, however, and he made that long journey to South Wales himself the following summer window.

Perhaps spurred on by the massive three-Tweet barney started by a compliment offered by CA to a Newport podcast as "the poor man's Jordan Henderson", the boy Bryn did OK for them but, like Omar Bogle, he's headed for some different hills again. At least they both behaved impeccably in Cleethorpes last year when Newport allowed Danny Rose to seal a vital 1-0 win:

"Chuck-chuck-chuck-chuck-chucking. I haven't had an egg since Easter and now it's just gone half past three. A deep Town free kick hit the absent wall, buffling back out again. Thompson dunked a dinker from the shadows of the Frozen Horsebeer Stand. Green arose to noodle vaguely onwards into the wastelands beyond. As Zanzala doodled Rose stuck out a leg and levered a sneaky poke-prod past Dipsy, and the ball rolled, rolled and rolled slowly, slowly, slowly towards the line and over the line past lolloping Laa-Laa and prostrate Po. What do we say? Eh–oh!"

And so here we, and they, are again, rolling round with yet another old Mariner in tow. They may not have gone far, but they are still here. Sometimes standing still is a success and after all they've been through, they are still standing.

These are the full versions of the Cod Almighty programme articles for the 2024/25 season. An edited version was published in The Mariner on 22 March 2025.