Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 2 August 2025

Division 4

Grimsby Town 3 Kabia (10, pen), McJannet (30), Khouri (64)

Crawley Town 0

Attendance: 6,806 (221 away fans)

It's the thrill of the newbie, the thrill of the chaser. The Incontinence Panters were thrilled by a bona fide hustler making his name in the game and they feel it the same way we do.

Everyone was beautiful, in their own way, for they got it together and everything worked out fine. And there was none finer than the refined recycler in chief who was here, there and everywhere. A tiny colossus bestriding this match, changing our life with a wave of his boot; nobody can deny that there's something there.

A perfect performance for a perfect day.

Flawless.

Deadpan Dave swallowed hard at the start of our summer season, looked hard at a spreadsheet and saw the hard facts:

"Sometimes you feel the smell."

Relaxed and restrained, our current favourite Yorkist even wheeled out some of his old hits, with Fluid Jaze the latest of his projects to be a player who "chases crisp packets across the pitch". I suppose it saves on paying cleaners.

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"Yeah, we were rubbish."

There's really nothing more he could say. That didn't stop him though.

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Town were terrific, Crawley horrific, for Town played in triangles whilst Crawley played in squares. This was absolutely everything we want. Power, pace, precision in passing and a 90-minute intensive press of snapping and yapping.

We haven't seen anything like it for nearly 30 years. In a good way. A very good way.

Analysis of individuals is a futile mission for this was a perfectly tuned machine that crushed Crawley into a pulp. Yes McEachran was the core. Yes Kabia was the surprising icing at the top of this cake, but all the pieces matter.

Compelling. Utterly compelling.

It wasn't that they were individually poor, it wasn't that they were collectively incoherent that should concern the Creepy Crypto clubbers. Given time their thoroughly competent manager can fix those holes where the pain came in. It was the way they simply accepted their fate, their lack of determination to right a wrong.

If there is no collective will there is no collective way to get outta this place - the right way. On this showing the best they can hope for is an eventual rise to mid-table when they get their zen together. If they carry on complacently then Carlisle could be their spirit animal.

We’re floating in a most peculiar way.

Mr S Jackson

Wacko Jacko spent the game trying to atone for his heinous homery in awarding the comedy penalty no-one asked for when Green missed the ball. He did succeed in keeping the score down, and so does earn bonus points for being the Creepers' most effective defender, their man of the match by miles: 4.215

When hope turned to expectation.

In a word: sumptuous