Cod Almighty | Diary

Tenacious GTFC

13 May 2026

Summertime, and the weather is breezy. 

I saw Charles Vernam in TK Maxx yesterday. He was in the womens' clothes department looking at blouses with a face like approaching thunder. I must stress he had a woman with him, so presumably she was the main instigator behind the activity. Have you ever had any encounters with Town players where nothing of any note happened, and you didn't say anything to them because it didn't look like they were in the mood for interaction? If they are as non-consequential and dull as mine, best keep them to yourself. I haven't got the option. I've got a diary to fill here.

Pretty much every Town fan knows the score. We were a bit pants on Sunday and decided that passing the ball wasn't an option. Salford looked a different team to the one we had put to the sword twice earlier in the season. Gary Neville's Trainset FC offered us a grand total of seven tickets for the showdown on Friday, which sold out in a record breaking 0.00000000000000000001 seconds. I hope that Southampton get kicked out of the playoffs for spying because I watched them last night and they are a horrible cynical team who spent most of the match trying to get opponents sent off. That's got nothing to do with GTFC, I'm just throwing it in left-handed to introduce a sense of chaos. I think we will do better in the second leg because the pressure got to us in the first and now we might relax a little.

Some of the Town players are going to get three fishes tattooed on their legs if they win the play-offs. Don't ask me how I know that, I just do. The club has a plan in place if someone poaches Artell. Put him on toast and sell him for £3.75 presumably. I'll leave the rest of the Polly Bancroft interview for Mr Butcher or Miss Guest Diary to dissect because they have business brains and I have a small vestigial one.

What else is there to say? Its just a case of waiting and hoping. Hoping and waiting. We know the seven fans who managed to get tickets will do their bit, and I'm sure the players will. But for the rest of us it's erm, hoping, and .....waiting. As I may have mentioned earlier.

And if we lose on Friday, we might just have one last chance which is to challenge them to a rock-off. Because they are the devil and we are the GTFC. If you've never seen 'The Pick of Destiny' you won't know what I'm talking about. But it was funny in my head. Sighs deeply.

UTM. Let's do this. Boys from the dwarf!