Cod Almighty | Diary

In England it's forever autumn

26 June 2026

Two Englands. Two flat performances. Who says football and cricket can't coexist perfectly well during major tournaments? As a nation, we are buddies in our bluntness, in accord in our crapness, merged in our mediocre-ness. Big ball, little ball, cardboard box...

Two weeks in and the World Cup is about to reach its point of no return. Gone are the innocent hijinks of the minnows who felt like they may have had a chance. Down are the mids who have blown it early. The final group games create headlines rather than fabulous footy and while South Africa's progression is definitely a headline, it's not much more than an extra chance to laugh at their laughable right-back.

Khuliso Mudau has been as entertaining as he has been inept. He's playing a different game to everyone else, not in a terrific Turi way, but in a lost, lolloping lamb style, and he occupies his own plane of existence as a solo star of some lost double act, like Ernie Wise awkwardly trying to tread the boards in the 15 years he lived without Eric Morecombe. Too soon to compare him to a Chuckle Brother? Probably.

Too soon to laugh as Scotland's efforts? No largess from your A46 Diary. The strange habit of the English to 'support' the home nations must be as frustrating to said nations as the performances they have to watch. I might be early in claiming some prescience as the Scots prepared to face Haiti: they'll get a 1-0 win, then get battered by Morocco or Brazil or both and go out on goal difference as one of the weaker third placers. So no outright battering after all, but they're very nervous ahead of Sunday's end to this first phase.

We took a step away from the international and back to the domestic yesterday with the release of the fixture list. We start at home against Exeter, which is another opener against a relegated League One side. That's three seasons in a row. Is this a deliberate fixture, a taunt from the EFL: ha ha, you're back in the fourth tier now; look who you've got first up! No disrespect to the likes of Grimsby, of course.

We're away on Boxing Day to Salford, so perhaps a rerun of ticket gate as fans scramble for a limited allocation. Maybe. Should be double the allocation though as they'll be back down to their usual 2k crowds. And we finish away at Colchester. Long trip if we need the win. Fingers crossed we're home, hosed and hungover by then.

What does one do to get a bellows ready? One checks for cracks and leaks, of course. We'll be checking our lungs for cracks and leaks, ready to fill Blundell Park with boos, boos and more boos for the returns of McEachran and Smith, on the 10th and 13th of April respectively. April? It's only the dedicated few who can hold a grudge that long. The rest of us will quietly seethe about the newfound geography of 'southern' Chesterfield during the close season and then move on when the replacements make our hearts sing.

And for those who lovingly maintain their crack-free bellows, there's always the chance that Khouri will sign for Bristol or Crawley, coming to a football ground near you on the 12th and 19th September.

Anyway, back to England's dreadful start to the decider against New Zealand. At least we know it can't get any worse. What's that, Mick McCarthy? It can? Oh dear.