Cod Almighty | Diary

Yes Lloyd, the 3C not the OC

29 June 2026

Your Deviant Diarist has counted them all up. There's 28 players in that World Cup who have played against Town, with a further five unused subs. Go on, name that tune in 28, I dare you.

Pa-Na-Mana. Do-doo-be-do-do. Pa-Na-Mana. Do-do-do-do. Life doesn't always have a happy ending. All Little Tommy Tuchel had was a bunch of muppets.

FIFA's telethon rolls on and on like a depression-era dance marathon. I would say that perfectly sums up Dear England, but the rules of the competition require participants to keep moving at all times and sleeping is forbidden. Actually, yes, this does perfectly sum up England games as this rule forces the teams to take turns supporting each other's weight in a semi-conscious, groggy slump. I can't see Doctor Congo saving us, we'll just be prescribed the same bad medicine, low beta blockers.

They shoot horses don't they?

Last night even a DJ couldn't save our life as a pre-tournament charity match between some local celebrities and Lord Rockingham's XI …well, is there a verb?
No. No doing words, only adjectives accompanying nouns you wouldn't find in the bible.

It wasn't a hoot, man.

"Sequence-breaking lines" lead to "chance creations" lead to "a set of goals"! Sbang on! There's even more egregious commentating cobblers, but I can't read my handwriting, so furious was I when I was furiously noting down the nonsense. I was. I was furious.

Never mind, All Town News Are We. The deferred official unveiling of the Superb New Official Kit is re-imminent, with the hottest of hot money on there being monochrome stripes, which will not only be iconic but the geometric vertical contrast will be inspired by the iconic Dock Tower and folk memories of Bobby Mitchell's ironic passing range. They will indeed be long and straight.

I won't take long and will get to the point, young A46 Diary's early edition missed the sensational news that Our Grimsby Town will, somewhere in Slovenia, be playing a super-sexy and super-secret Behind Closed Doors friendly against super-cool Mayor of Noo Yuck Zorhan Mamdani. Or terribly displaced Ukrainians FC Zorya Luhansk, it depends who turns up.

As our social mediameister observed by looking at the Google Earth feed, there aren't any doors to close, but there are plenty of tall trees to shin up and do some Saintly espying. For those who can't pop over to Slovenia at the drop of a hat you can stare at a screen and watch it live and exclusive on Mariners TV. Details, they say, will follow. Remember, we're not on Ifollow anymore.

You know we promised some kind of summer special space filler waffling on about other clubs finances? Oh, well, we did, I promise you. Our inhouse investigator was finally motivated to SORT IT and sort it he has. Blimey, I've just looked at the facts and the figures. If I had a mind left after watching England (insert sport of choice) it would be boggling.

No, I didn't count Mad Max Crocramp or Dean O'Henderson, all those 28 kicked a football against Town. Have you got it yet?