Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 12 March 2003

12 March 2003

The Osterometer needle turns hesitantly back towards the 'yes' end of its crazy-ass scale as the Grimsby Telegraph - who else? - speculates that both John "Urrgh, you smell!" Oster and Richard Hughes may remain with the Mariners beyond the term of their current one-month loans. After first reporting that Sunderland would accept just £75,000 for little John, and then reporting that no, they wouldn't, the Telegraph today teases readers with the possibility that Howard Wilkinson's sacking will have changed the picture again; and to be fair they have a quote from Paul Groves on their side. "At some point we have to make contact with Sunderland with regards to John," says the Town boss, "and when a new manager comes in you never know what will happen." You don't suppose, reader, that Oster stories sell papers in Grimsby? Ah well - as commercially-driven journalism goes, it beats misleadingly whining on for months on end about paedophiles, asylum seekers and 'teenage yobs'.

Anyway, there's a reserves match to tell you about. It happened last night, at Blundell Park, and Town beat Scarborough 1-0 with a goal from Kirk Wheeler. Michael Ward and Kevin George - on trial, keen-witted Diary readers will recall, from Leeds and Middlesbrough respectively - came off the bench at some point; and Terry Cooke was nowhere in the vicinity, Humberside police have confirmed.

Cheeky little tearaway Alan Pouton is still waiting to hear from the FA as to his punishment for stealing a bottle of milk from old Mrs Johnson's doorstep on his way to school the other day. The verdict was originally to be announced yesterday, explains Town's official site, but won't now be known until later today, presumably after one member of the jury expressed doubts about banning Alan for six matches, so all the others have to spend ages wearing him down, like on the telly. The Diary notices the recent re-emergence of hair on Alan's head and firmly believes his rejection of Danny Mills/Seth Johnson psycho chic will do the player a power of good as he faces the disciplinary people. Maybe you could go a step further, Al, and tiptoe shyly into the room clutching a slender volume of verse by Emily Dickinson.