Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 19 May 2003

19 May 2003

Today's transfer rumour is that Town have got an eye on 22-year-old Matt O'Halloran, who is not, in fact, an Irish folk musician but a midfielder connected with two clubs close to the heart of the Mariners' manager. The player belongs to PG's hometown side Derby but his only first-team experience has been on loan with Conference outfit Burton Albion - "Incidentally, Town manager Paul Groves' first club," points out BBC Humber Sport, never a website to let the absence of a verb get in the way of a good sentence. Competition for the player's services, adds the report, originates in a major city in south Yorkshire that starts with "Sh" and rhymes with "effield"; but this time it's depressed Wednesday and not ebullient United who are plagiarising Groves' notebook.

Anyway, sorry there was no Diary at the weekend, especially after I'd promised there would be and everything. I just felt dead ill and lethargic and crap yesterday, and the headaches were returning. Here we are today though, bright-eyed if not quite bushy-tailed.

The main story over the weekend was that Phil Jevons will have to choose between cash and football. Having returned from an unremarkable season-long loan at Hull City, Town's lackadaisical Liverpudlian faces a year on the sidelines at Blundell Park unless he renegotiates his deal. The problem is explained with admirable conciseness by Town chairman Peter Furneaux, who comments: "Basically, we can't afford to play him." As it stands, Jevons' contract entitles both him and his former club Everton to payments based on appearances - presenting a major hurdle to his selection with the Mariners, who in financial terms are up shit creek without even so much as a canoe. "If he wants to progress his playing career he has to get real," adds Furneaux, in a curious blend of management-speak bollocks with Californienglish a la Buffy.

In a matter sure to concern Jevons in the not-distant-future, GTFC are thinking about restoring reserve games to their traditional prime-time evening slot after two seasons slugging it out with Columbo and Ready Steady Cook of an afternoon. The Diary is just guessing here, but the daylightful 2pm kick-off - probably introduced to save on the lecky - might just have burdened reserve outings with an atmosphere even sourer than that of Saturday afternoons by preventing the attendance of all but drug-addled crazies, wastrels and libertines of the foulest and most dissolute character.

Also over the weekend, a Wales squad was announced without mention of Danny Coyne or Darren Barnard; Oldham cruelly announced the release of Wayne Gill, the GTFC trialist who never was; and former Town hero and alleged impregnator of hotel chambermaids Ivano Bonetti announced his plans to sue Dundee for the 800 grand he reckons he lent them to buy Argentine forward Fabian Caballero when he was manager there. I tell you what - if he had succeeded in buying GTFC, the Diary would never have gone wanting for subject matter.

Finally, email from Al Wilkinson on the subject of Lee Nogan, whose release by York City was tearfully chronicled here last Friday. Al believes the Diary was over-generous in its tribute. "Tireless I'll grant you, but skilful? No, not 'Nogger', who is one of the most frustrating players of Town's recent history. Mind you, with such a convincing impression of Pob he was also one of the most entertaining." Mention of the short-lived, puffy-cheeked puppet character prompts Al to wonder: "Who is the ugliest Town player ever?" Now that's got me thinking, but speaking of kids' TV I am bound to recall the disturbing similarity between erstwhile midfielder/caretaker/assistant boss John Cockerill and Rotherham's finest export, the endlessly side-splitting Chuckle Brothers. Over to you, readers...codalmightydiary@yahoo.co.uk if you please.