Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 28 July 2003

28 July 2003

Stark bivouac Kashmir slalom watchstrap tracheotomy fumigate reincarnation mulligatawny phone-in butt hinge citrus rickshaw French polish

No, Coco! Get away from there!

diptheria outspan sextant mouldy barometer...

Stop it! Get off! Bad monkey!

Okay, so the idea to kick off Guest Diarists Week with our resident betting chimp didn't really work, and I imagine there are going to be some very confused Googlers touching down on Cod Almighty this week, thanks to Coco's pin-and-dictionary contribution. Anyway - hello! Miles here once again. Now that I've booted the monkey off the keyboard, I'll get on with bringing you some slightly more sensible sentences. Well, maybe.

Blundell Park's resemblance to the Old Bailey grows ever stronger this week with the news that four more hopefuls are arriving to be put on trial. Identities are as yet unknown, but I can tell you who one of them isn't - Clyde Wijnhard. News broke yesterday that Grimsby were potentially the latest club set to benefit from the nasty financial rumblings at Oldham Athletic: the one time extremely useful and now out of contract Clyde 'Is That Pronounced Wineyard?' Wijnhard was due to arrive at Blundell Park as triallist number umpteen, making me for one, very excited indeed. However, the Radio Humberside site today reports that he will not be arriving as planned... though it doesn't really make it clear if he's arriving later or not at all. Should it be the latter, I can easily convince myself that he would have been rubbish anyway.

Of course, we still have two Dutchmen, sorry - 'Hollanders' - apparently the Netherlanders don't like the term 'Dutch' as it has Germanic connotations. Well, so my mate Neil in Amsterdam tells me. Sorry, where was I...? Oh yes... men from Holland. If new boy Laurens Llewellyn-Heuvel continues to impress as he did in his debut on Saturday, we have fellow countryman Marcel Cas to thank: for it turns out it was he who rang his mate and told him to get his arse over to Cleethorpes. Hey Marcel - got Ruud van Nistelrooy's number...?

Now then, if you're already in a climactic state of titillation about the impending start of the season, and you're a subscriber to NTL broadband, please sit down before you visit the official site, because your head might explode when you find out you can get Mariners World for free, and, right, AND still claim your free shirt. Come on, what else do you want - movie clips of the Town squad motor racing each other...? Well, that's on the OS too, as it goes. The lads have been burning round in go-karts - and whilst this is something I can thoroughly recommend - having done this recently on Andy's pre-nuptial weekender - I'm not sure whether I'd risk this activity just before the start of the season if I were a professional footballer in a team cursed with bizarre injuries. Surely these fragile-as-Subbuteo players should be packed away in cotton wool-lined boxes between training sessions, lest their legs snap off at the ankles. Or something.

Well, that was Monday, that was me. Tomorrow brings another guest diarist, but we're not sure who just yet - you'll just have to tune in, log on, and find out. It won't be Coco though - I've confiscated his pin.