Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Sunday 27 July 2003

27 July 2003

This edition of the Diary is brought to you live and exclusive from the home of Cod Almighty's match reporter extraordinaire Tony "I'm not going to every game this season" Butcher, where Mrs Diary and I have been most hospitably received by Tony and Sue since reaching Lincolnshire yesterday afternoon. I am pleased to recommend Tony's vegetable curry to the world at large, should he acquire a pan large enough to prepare 6 billion portions.

Today, then, Paul Groves and the GTFC board ought to be putting together a package for Laurens Ten Heuvel, and I'm not talking corned beef sandwiches, a bag of crisps, a Ski yoghurt and a Golden Delicious. The on-trial Dutch striker showed in the friendly at Boston yesterday what Barnsley and Sheffield United had seen in him by equalising for the Mariners with a powerful stooping header and impressed Town fans with an all-round display of good movement, the requisite "aerial presence", some handy tricks and flicks, and a Fjortoftian ability to win free kicks by backing into the other team's defender. The Diary's verdict is that Town could do a lot worse (and often have). "Of course I would like to come to Grimsby," says Tenner on Town's official site. "This is a good club - they play good football and I would like to join them." That's £2,150 to you, sir.

Other highlights of the game - from which the Mariners ran out 2-1 winners thanks to a late Jonny Rowan winner - included a series of pinpoint crosses from Marcel Cas (playing right-back), further promising signs from Mat Hare lookalike Graham Hockless, and a visible performance from Stuart Campbell in central midfield. Less cool were another meandering display from Michael Boulding, the awful defensive mix-up that gave the Pilgrims an early lead from a Cas own goal, and the York Street tannoy man whose substitution announcements showed his difficulty in distinguishing Simon Ford from Darren Mansaram - confirming the Diary's impression that, though superficially quite pretty, the town of Boston makes Grimsby look like some kind of funky cultural melting pot.

Boulding will not be cheered by the news that another striker is set to arrive at Blundell park on trial tomorrow morning. Town's official site reveals that another frontman will join up with the squad on Monday - but isn't naming names, as ever. All right-minded and upstanding members of society the world over, meanwhile, will be cheered by the news that John McDermott is expected to return to training next week.

"Didn't Gordon Hobson come back from Southampton for a short while?" asks Mark Wilson in an email to the Diary. Far from being a totally random kinda dude, however, Mark is returning to the subject of returning; more specifically, to Town players and managers who rejoined the club after spells in the big blue beyond, the other side of Market Rasen. I could be wrong, Mark - and it wouldn't be the first time - but I think Gorgeous Gordon moved directly from the Dell to Sincil Bank, not passing Go, and not collecting the glittering string of league championship medals he believed he was destined for when he performed his famous disappearing act from Blundell Park. But still. "You have to include John Cockerill," adds Mr Wilson. "He might not have played for Town twice but he was born, bred and buttered Grimsby and it was a homecoming for him. And my mother-in-law knows his dad (Ron - ex-player) and his mum and she was their babysitter. That must qualify!" We'll change the rules specially, Mark.

And finally today, readers, I bid you adieu, for I'm off on holiday, sort of. But fear not for the integrity of your lunch hours, as the Diary will be brought to you in my absence by a succession of substitutes from the Cod Almighty team. In the meantime I will leave you two questions to ponder: (1) can you think of a better nickname for Laurens Ten Heuvel; and (2) what exactly did Aston Villa do to Michael Boulding last year? Answers to codalmightydiary@yahoo.co.uk please, and have a nice week. I'll miss you...but it's just something I gotta do. Bye.