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Diary - Friday 25 July 2003

25 July 2003

As Paul Groves starts scraping the barrel for a striker, the mystical forces that connect him and Neil Warnock buzz into life again, and the first of his last resorts has emerged as 27-year-old Laurens Ten Heuvel, who spent last season with Sheffield United, scoring no goals, and on loan to Bradford, scoring no goals. In between spells with Den Bosch and Telstar in his native Holland, the player also turned out for Barnsley from 1996 to 1998, scoring no goals. He is six foot two and of unknown eye colour; and to be fair to the lad he is well spoken of in Sheffield and was apparently among the top scorers in his homeland's second division before Colin W fought off competition from several Dutch clubs to take him to Bramall Lane last summer. "He's big but he's not a target man," Groves tells today's Grimsby Telegraph, "but he will hold the ball up and he's different to what we've got." Ten Heuvel has joined up with the Town squad on trial and is expected to play in tomorrow's friendly at Boston.

Elsewhere in the Steel City, meanwhile, Terry Cooke has found another catwalk upon which to shake his little tush. The tactless winger was given a trial at third division Bury last week but failed to win a contract, despite finding the scoresheet down the back of the fridge, perhaps because of a Manchester Evening News interview in which he alienated most right-thinking fans of his prospective new club by blurting out: "There are a lot of players out of contract at the moment so beggars can't be choosers." But the blue and white underachievers of Owlerton have offered the skilful serial failure another bite of the cherry he has been nibbling and choking on the stone of ever since his career began to nosedive way back at Manchester City. "We're just having a look," says Wednesday boss Chris Turner, "but he wouldn't be here if we weren't interested." Sounds to the Diary like a match made in heaven.

Town are seeking fans' assistance for next season's award-winning matchday magazine. Contributors will be asked to submit their best ever GTFC XI for a new series in the programme entitled, er, 'My Best Ever GTFC XI', and Diary readers are urged to help out by downloading and completing this form and emailing it to commercial@gtfc.co.uk. And anyone who includes John Oster will be hunted down by the Diary and forced at knifepoint to watch the final of Big Brother this weekend.

Pat Bell's fingers have been a-tappin' again, on the subject of Town returnees, again, and he's been cheating and had a look in the books. "Of the early ones," he reveals, "the laurels go to one Harry Fletcher, who had three spells at the club, in the 1890s and 1900s. The one most of us might have reckoned to get was Dave Moore, apparently (though it passed me by, and my source doesn't state the terms on which he came back)." I fancy that the Middle Moore may have been another who returned only as a coach, though. Pat also mentions, and dismisses, the names of Marc North, Harry Wainman and Darren Wrack before giving a thorough account of the almighty and highly entertaining spat that followed remarks in Sing When We're Fishing about Mike Czuczman by almost-famous Town fan Phil Ball after then SWWF editor Steve Plowes annotated Phil's piece with a little editorialising. Funny the things that stick in your memory, isn't it.

Have nice weekends, everybody, and I might see some of you at Boston.