Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 22 August 2003

22 August 2003

With no new injury problems ahead of tomorrow's trip to Luton Paul Groves could keep faith with the same starting XI for a fourth consecutive game, and it'd be interesting to know when the last time was that Town managed that. Luton are missing crocked trio Steve Robinson, Lee Mansell and Russell Perrett, though Matthew Spring is set to return in midfield. Town's ragged defence will be crossing its fingers on the progress of talks between QPR and the Hatters' prolific striker Tony Thorpe, for whom a transfer fee has already been agreed. The businesslike Kenilworth Road ticket office informs the Diary that you can pay on the gate, 15 of your English pounds being the sum required; and that on this side of Bedfordshire they put the tea in first, thank you very much.

Jason Crowe has the fans to thank for his two-year contract at Blundell Park, according to the Grimsby Telegraph. North East Lincolnshire's leading local newspaper reveals that the signing of the former Portsmouth wing-back was only made possible by Town supporters' recent rush to buy newly available shares in the club. "We're very, very pleased and we have to say a huge thank you to the fans who have contributed," says Chairman Furneaux. "Jason Crowe was the player who wasn't in the budget and we've now got 26 players - he is the extra man we hadn't planned for." Which is all very well, but if he doesn't learn to tackle soon then the Diary will be demanding a refund.

The Diary, perhaps naively, used to think you could rely on the BBC for certain standards of accuracy and moral rectitude, and delighted though I am to see the corporation causing trouble for the war criminals who run our country, the BBC Humber Sport website is still struggling to match these laudable standards. An interview with Michael Boulding on the pages of the local news site finds Town's leading scorer observing upon the scarcity of good passing sides in Division Two, only to have his utterances written up by a moonlighting Coco the Chimp. To wit: "I think we if we're going to be successful in this division." Call me pedantic, but that only passes as a sentence if your name is John Prescott.

Remaining for the moment with matters grammatical, the Mariners' official site today offers a salutory lesson on the importance of word order, announcing: "The Grimsby Town Ticket Office will be open for the sale of tickets for the Wycombe game on Saturday." See? Those wishing to buy tickets on Saturday for the Wycombe game on Monday are advised that the office will be open from 9am until noon.

Did I hear you call Manchester United the McDonalds of football? Coaches from the tedious global megabrand are to descend on the Grimsby area next week, reports the Telegraph, ostensibly to show young players at a Hereford School training session how "to dominate the one-versus-one situation in every area of the pitch". The keen eye of the Diary notes, however, that participants will receive a "certificate of attendance, exclusive skills poster and a Manchester United bootbag" and entry into a free draw for tickets to see the Scum at Old Trafford. Some children in the training sessions, remember, will be as young as six. So with Parliament already having outlawed the 'grooming' of youngsters by internet perverts, is it not time for similar legislation to protect our children from this sort of sick brainwashing?

With the bank holiday upon us, and yet more sunshine, today's Diary ends with a visit to VisitBritain.com, a website giving information to prospective, er, visitors to Britain. And what do we find there that could possibly be of interest to readers of Cod Almighty? Well, in the light of Pete Green's sterling efforts on this site to assert the correct geography of our hometown, you may be alarmed to discover the claim that "Yorkshire boasts the beautiful and intriguing historic cities of York and Beverley, the ‘floral town' of Harrogate, traditional seaside resorts at Scarborough, Whitby, Filey, Bridlington and Cleethorpes..." All right-thinking Diary readers are urged to hit VisitBritain's feedback page and gently correct the authors of this untruth.