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Diary - Tuesday 12 August 2003

12 August 2003

Town's chances of fielding an unchanged line-up for tonight's League Cup tie at Doncaster rest in the gnarled and horny hands of Neil Warnock, as the club continues to deny reports that Laurens Ten Heuvel has been released by Sheffield United and signed a permanent contract at Blundell Park. The player remains on loan, according to GTFC's official site, and permission for his appearance at Belle Vue will have to be sought from the enigmatic Mr Warnock, 'cos of being cup-tied an' all that stuff. If, as seems unlikely, Larry-10 is denied clearance to play, then a more than eager replacement is ready in the estimable form of Darren Mansaram, who is straining at the leash for a chance to face his hometown club. "I'd give me left leg, in fact, to play this one," declares the nippy young striker to BBC Humber. Sounds fine to the Diary, Flash, as long as you don't offer Darren Barnard's instead.

Elsewhere the Beeb's popularity may be at its highest point for decades after the drubbing the corporation has recently dished out to Tony Blair's credibility, but Auntie's appreciation society remains without a North East Lincolnshire branch today as Ceefax provides team news on every League Cup tie except the one that counts. Town fans have also pointed out that last weekend BBC Sport online was still giving the score as Plymouth 2 Grimsby 0 up to an hour after full time.

Anyway, Doncaster are choosing from a full-strength side; Disco Des Hamilton is in the Telegraph saying: "Ooooh, we'll have to watch out for that Leo Fortune-West"; and Paul Groves is warning his team to get the ball on the deck instead of the 'lump it like Lawrence' approach some players regressed to at Home Park.

"I had the pleasure of attending the Leicester v Barcelona game at the Crisp-O-Dome on Friday night," writes a Diary reader, and it's not Gary Lineker, it's Mark Wilson. "The game had three things worth noting: the weather was balmy, Barcelona pass it around gloriously but with little or no result (makes you wonder how Rijkaard got the job and not Buckley) and Danny Coyne played all the second half. I can't really tell you if he played well or not because the only save he could have theoretically made was when Kluivert got free and crashed it off the bar. No goalkeeper would have got near it (and Danny didn't). Oh, and he came for a cross and didn't get it. No change there then." Cheers Mark. I feel good now. We can only hope Aidan is reading.

Any marketing professionals wishing to profile the demographic of Diary readers will doubtless find it useful to note that they prefer Six Feet Under to Coronation Street, if there is a reliable indicator in the volume of email generated by my mentioning said programmes. Al Wilkinson sets my mind at rest by agreeing that there is a "definite similarity" between Martin Keown and 6FU's Billy Chenowith, "and not just physically. Growing up with a face like that, Martin 'The Rash' Keown must have received enough abuse to develop the mad-as-a-spoon properties inherent in the unstable, but excellent, TV character." Jo Tilley adds: "The Arsenal connection in Six Feet Under doesn't stop there. Am I wrong, or could Claire pass for Ray Parlour in a certain light?" And finally Tony Butcher, as ever, brings it all back home. "To mix up two big Gilbert O'Sullivan hits," he writes, "Brenda looks like Daryl Clare."