Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 11 August 2003

11 August 2003

Have we all cooled off a little? That means you, Mr Jeffers. Happy Monday, everyone, and welcome to another week with the Diary. Fans who travelled to Plymouth for Saturday's season-opener are arriving back in Grimsby as we speak, and the consensus seems to be, though the statistics suggest Town will be the happier of the two sides to emerge with a point, that the early signs were promising as Paul Groves' army of new signings begins to coalesce into something resembling a team. The Argyle manager and players have spent the weekend berating the referee and themselves respectively; while those whose brains comprise black and white matter are mostly relieved to have got off the mark - and with two excellent goals to boot.

One Grimsby man less than satisfied with events at Home Park, though, is Laurens Ten Heuvel, who was replaced by Darren Mansaram after 57 minutes of a quiet debut performance. The stylish frontman will sign a one-year contract with the Mariners today, but was understandably disappointed with an underwhelming display on Saturday. "I didn't really enjoy my debut because I had a poor game," admits the player to today's Grimsby Telegraph, presumably holding his hands up. "I don't know why, I just didn't feel great." Don't worry, LTH - the Diary often feels like that, and look what a spectacular success I've made of my life.

Great news for traditionalists heading for tomorrow night's League Cup clash with Doncaster. The Diary is informed by Rachel from the Belle Vue ticket office - where they answer the phone immediately, or to put it another way, 15 minutes sooner than Plymouth - that it's pay on the turnstiles (which will open at 6:30), with 13 pounds the price for a seat or a nice, round, pocket-friendly tenner to stand. Rachel is thrown slightly off balance by the Diary's enquiry as to whether she puts the water or the milk in first when making the tea ("Who is this?") but recovers quickly to further soften our soft spot for Donny by confirming that she does things properly by leaving the cow juice until last.

Over to the BBC Humber Sport website finally, then - or "BBC - sitename", as it is described in the title bar - and the Diary is encouraged to note the removal of the photograph they captioned with Ten Heuvel's name last week, but which could not possibly have depicted LTH unless it predates treatment for the player under Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon. On an unrelated note, while watching Six Feet Under last night I was briefly unnerved by a sudden resemblance between Billy Chenowith and England defensive legend Martin Keown. Is there any validity whatsoever in this comparison or am I just talking a load of old Warnock?